So, remember my mystery church calling?
Well, the Branch President finally announced it to the congregation, which means I can finally announce it to you guys. Which makes it feel that much more real.
(hold on a second, let me just crap in my pants before I tell you...)
Here in the Mormon world, we have this thing called Seminary, and let me just say that it's completely different than the Catholic and Protestant versions. Seminary isn't a place for future pastors to earn their master's degrees, Seminary is a religious education class for high school students--a daily religious education class.
Out West, where Mormons are just about as common as house plants, Seminary is usually worked into the school day. As in:
Period 1: Math
Period 2: English
Period 3: Seminary
Period 4: Lunch
That whole concept just makes me giggle. Up here in New England, we don't even talk about Santa Claus in the public schools, and you can bet your ass that the Easter Bunny would offend the masses like you woudn't believe. So Seminary? At school? I can't even imagine it.
Plus, in the ten nearby towns (three high schools), there's a total of ten-or-so Mormon high school aged kids. That would be a pretty lonely class.
So back here in the East, we clump the kids together and teach the class at someone's house.
This school year, as I'm sure you've come to realize, they're coming to my house, and I'm the one who'll be teaching them
So, to sum it up, ten kids are coming to my house every school day for an hour long religion class. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, class starts at six o'clock.
In the morning.
six o'clock in the morning? That's the reason I can't convert! It's those early morning callings...
ReplyDeleteWow! You are a good woman...put the coffee on and serve up some kale smoothies, it's go-time at The Lawson's! I'm sure you'll host a few of the kids from our school district, the lovely MSAD #11, or RSU #11 as I think they call it now. Good on ya, Amy! Power to the people! Best of luck - I'll be thinkin of you as I'm just opening my eyes at six 'o clock!
believe it or not there are people who aspire to do this, me being one of them. when i met my husband i was taking classes to become a full-time seminary teacher out west-- then we got married and that idea was ruined by plans of having a family--
ReplyDeletenow i teach spoiled 8th graders in a rich dallas area school district-- i would trade you jobs in a heartbeak girlfriend. cherish every early morning minute-- i can guarantee your kids won't be putting hand sanatizer in your coke or making mean facebook pages about you. :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLOL... I meant to say... AM I the only one who is wondering how you are going to fit this into your crazy, busy, fun life??? I hope the best for you!
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up. I live in the South and we had about 15 Mormons at my high school and they all met at 6am everyday!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun calling Amy!! You will be a great seminary teacher- what a great way to get going on the day too!!
ReplyDeleteBeen reading your blog for a couple of years. I never thought you were crazy until just now.
ReplyDeleteYou poor, poor girl.
Oh man, I do NOT envy you. My dad was the seminary teacher for 8 years when I was growing up. I hope that calling isn't genetic.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! This is SO much better than I could have dreamed. Really though, those are some lucky kids...spoken as a former seminary councilmember : )
ReplyDeleteOh Amy, Amy, Amy. Everyday...at 6...in the morning? Maybe the Catholic seminary would be better. I cannot wait to read upcoming posts to your blog. This is going to be worth the price of admission. Oh wait, your blog is free. Even better.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget, Mormons don't do caffeine. Yikes!
ReplyDeleteYou will be great!
ReplyDeleteI wish my daughter could learn swear words... I mean, the gospel from you. You're going to be awesome!!
ReplyDeleteWOW! You'll love it. Seriously. How fun. :)
ReplyDeleteOh man, I love your blog. I wish I was back in high school and lived in your area so you could be my seminary teacher. You are going to be amazing. I am still laughing though. I love it.
ReplyDeleteNice! Are you going to make them call you Mrs. Lawson? Have a ruler handy to smack them around too.
ReplyDeleteOhh I would pay you to enroll my kid in your seminary class! You'll be the best thing ever to happen to those teenagers.
ReplyDeleteDO you think it would be okay to teach the class while getting in a nice morning run at the same time?
ReplyDeleteMaybe that way they students could count it as their PE credit, and you could change the time to a more reasonable hour.
:)
Seriously? 6 AM? Do you need to serve breakfast? Can they help get James ready for school? Can they walk the dog? Can you teach in your pjs? More power to you! I'm sure you'll be great!
ReplyDeleteWHAT?! In the morning?! I'm trying to imagine how I could've done that when my kids were the ages that yours are. Ugg.
ReplyDeleteFunny that you knew the part to save until last --- the time :)
You'll be great, and they'll learn a lot and will remember you always. That part's very cool.
If I were a Mormon high school student I would LOVE to have you for my teacher, especially at 6am! I am sure you are especially funny when sleep deprived ;). So does Jared get to stay up with Maggie now? Or does she sleep well?
ReplyDeleteuhhmmm...congratulations? Good Luck??? Not sure the appropriate response.
ReplyDeleteAwesome...I will put you down for 10 kids and have your materials ready for faculty meeting.
ReplyDeletePS you are in my google reader...
oh, this will be good. We can trade notes.
ReplyDeleteWow! You'll be amazing, and like all seminary teachers...at the end, it will be your favorite callng ever! Major respect to you for accepting that one lady!
ReplyDeleteYou'll do great...but I can't wait to hear what the kids do when they see company that early!
ReplyDeleteYou have to be kidding!!! With two small children and a job? And a running habit? I'm pretty sure I would've told the head honcho to re-check his crystal ball, cuz that just ain't happening!
ReplyDeleteI had to de-lurk to say:
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha!
Man. Is this some form of birth control for these kids? Coming into a home with a 5 year old and a what, 7 month old at that hour? It would put any teenager off having a family for forever.
ReplyDeleteYou're a sain, and I don't mean a LDSaint. I just mean a saint.
Suuweeeet! That one didn't even cross my mind. I just thought you were overreacting about being called as the Relief Society President. Now I understand and will never doubt you again. I had 2seminary teachers in high school. It was rumored that me and my 2 friends were the reason he quit and moved to Spokane. Dirty, dirty rumors. The second one was better and didn't quit on us and I seriously remember that man to this day and am so glad he was such an integral part of my high school years. They are going to love/hate you so much. It's going to be awesome :)
ReplyDelete6am!!!!!!!!! That seems like cruel and unusual punishment! I wonder how many kids will convert just so they can come hang out with such a cool teacher!
ReplyDeleteThis is really embarrassing to admit, but somehow I've been thinking your "calling" was the Church asking you to do the csa blog... (did you reveal the veggies right around when you posted your calling post??). Good grief. And yes, I've wondered many times how the Mormon faith & your using up kale & garlic scapes fit together... Shame that twist won't be revealed. ;) Good luck with your classes!
ReplyDeleteSeriously? SERIOUSLY? Come on.
ReplyDeleteI swear this is true: The night I read this post I had the worst nightmare of my life. I was called to be the seminary teacher, but they were nursery kids. I recall gathering them at the church building at 6 am and trying to make them keep up as we ran a marathon worth of laps around the inside halls of the building. I lost a few kids and the parents got really mad and they totally missed out on the gospel message. Thanks for messing up my sleep!
ReplyDeleteAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAMY!
You are going to be sofreakingawesome.
I wish I lived in New England and my boys were teenagers.
(p.s. congratulations on the marathon!!)
oy.vey.
ReplyDeletegood grief. what did you DO????? Maybe they are trying to sabotage your early morning running habit so you'll stop your pre-church runs.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
I just got released as YW President.
Neener.
I got called to be Ward Activities Committee Chair (ie: "put er out to pasture she's done her time" )
But then I got called to be in the Primary Presidency too.
And then I found out I was most unexpectedly knocked up. Just when my 4th child was about to start school all.day.long.
So I guess not neener after all.
Although thinking about it I'm still going with Neener because
nothing compares to cranky teens at 6am. Every.Day. Not even 24/7 morning sickness.
Ohhhh maybe you could take them running and have them do scripture mastery as cadence chants? I bet you'd make the New Era cover.
Why are my comments to your blog longer and more frequent then updates on my own blog? Troubling...