Ladies and Gentlemen, I tip my hat to all of you.
I wish, more than anything, that I had enough loose change under my couch cushions to buy forty-three whoopie pies and mail them all over the country to every single person who entered my most amazing contest.
But the truth is, I'm not that well off. Even if I had that kind of change, I wouldn't use it on whoopie pies for strangers--I'd use it on McChicken sandwiches for myself.
I know. Sometimes the truth hurts. I'm sorry.
So, now that all of your feelings are hurt, and without furter ado, I'd like to award two whoopie pies to my dear friend from Texas. The one who wrote this flowing little gem:
I wish the Barbie Doll was more of a piglet like me...with hairy legs, orange juice spilled on her shirt, and a skirt riding up between her legs because of that nasty static cling. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel the need to stick a light bulb up her ass and light her beach house on fire.
I chose Rachel's entry for three distinct reasons...
1. I can relate to those sentances. Barbie's such a ho--and I'm so super jealous of her.
2. Rachel guilted me into the victory with light to moderate stalking.
3. Rachel incorporated the word "ass" into her comment.
So there ya go, Rach! Congratulations!
Please send me your address so I can mail your prize and steal yard maintenance tools out of your garage.