Product Review: The Running Skirt.
April 25, 2007
I bought myself a running skirt last night. Running skirt???? Yes, it's just like it sounds--it's a skirt that you run in. They're actually quite cute, and resemble those shorty-short little tennis skirts that we all loved in the 1980s. They're just as short, and usually have some sort of built in spankies underneath. The high end, performance-fabric running skirts run somewhere between 50 and 70 dollars. I'm way too cheap (and way too broke) to spend that kind of money, so I decided to take a spin in the cheap knock-off model from Kohl's.
**Ladies beware. You get what you pay for.**
I looked cu-ute in the dressing room at the store. I thought the skirt complimented my legs quite nicely. But all cuteness aside, I immediately sensed a future problem with this 12 dollar garment. The spankies were not quite underwear and not quite bike shorts--I don't know what they were trying to be. But in a moment of recklessness, I purchased the skirt anyway.
I changed into the skirt in the driver's seat of my '89 Blazer, strutted my cute little ass right into the YMCA and hopped up onto a treadmill. I set the machine to a ten minute mile pace and I was off. Let me supply you with a workout summary:
3 seconds into my run--Wow!!! Can you say cool breeze? It feels like I'm hauling along nekkid from the waste down.
10 seconds into my run--I suffered with a serious wedgie all day, everyday through the 7th grade. I'm having a very strong 7th grade flash back.
20 seconds into my run--Ok, there is so much fabric jammed up my crack that I'm beginning to think that there's an industrial-strength hoover up my colon.
60 seconds into my run--It's still feeling breezy down below, and now every stair stepper and upright bike directly behind my treadmill is occupied by a man over the age of 50. Either this skirt performs some sort of optical illusion and makes my ass look firm, or I'm showing my hoo-haa to an army of male retirees.
34 minutes later--I step off of the treadmill.
6 seconds later--the stairmasters and bikes are empty.
To sum it up: If you're looking for something fashionable and functional, drop the big dough on a running skirt. But if you find some excitement in the possibility of exposing your cooter to the entire YMCA, then this is the product for you!
Happy running girls!