Product Review: The Running Skirt.
April 25, 2007

I bought myself a running skirt last night. Running skirt???? Yes, it's just like it sounds--it's a skirt that you run in. They're actually quite cute, and resemble those shorty-short little tennis skirts that we all loved in the 1980s. They're just as short, and usually have some sort of built in spankies underneath. The high end, performance-fabric running skirts run somewhere between 50 and 70 dollars. I'm way too cheap (and way too broke) to spend that kind of money, so I decided to take a spin in the cheap knock-off model from Kohl's.

**Ladies beware. You get what you pay for.**

I looked cu-ute in the dressing room at the store. I thought the skirt complimented my legs quite nicely. But all cuteness aside, I immediately sensed a future problem with this 12 dollar garment. The spankies were not quite underwear and not quite bike shorts--I don't know what they were trying to be. But in a moment of recklessness, I purchased the skirt anyway.

I changed into the skirt in the driver's seat of my '89 Blazer, strutted my cute little ass right into the YMCA and hopped up onto a treadmill. I set the machine to a ten minute mile pace and I was off. Let me supply you with a workout summary:

3 seconds into my run--Wow!!! Can you say cool breeze? It feels like I'm hauling along nekkid from the waste down.

10 seconds into my run--I suffered with a serious wedgie all day, everyday through the 7th grade. I'm having a very strong 7th grade flash back.

20 seconds into my run--Ok, there is so much fabric jammed up my crack that I'm beginning to think that there's an industrial-strength hoover up my colon.

60 seconds into my run--It's still feeling breezy down below, and now every stair stepper and upright bike directly behind my treadmill is occupied by a man over the age of 50. Either this skirt performs some sort of optical illusion and makes my ass look firm, or I'm showing my hoo-haa to an army of male retirees.

34 minutes later--I step off of the treadmill.

6 seconds later--the stairmasters and bikes are empty.

To sum it up: If you're looking for something fashionable and functional, drop the big dough on a running skirt. But if you find some excitement in the possibility of exposing your cooter to the entire YMCA, then this is the product for you!
Happy running girls!

7 comments:

The Ramos Family said...

So, it took me forever to read this because I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Manny thought I was going crazy at first, but then just started laughing hysterically too.

keeeeeeeeeeellllllllllyyyyyy said...

Yo, just saw your link to this bloggeroo. I had no idea. A few things. No 1: I saw a running skirt go by in the Boston Marathon. She was at the 21 mile marker and her hoo-ha was not showing. I'm sorry I didn't see the name because I was busy being confused by the idea of a running skirt. No 2: Congratulations on almost being done with grad school. Since I'm finishing next week, I'd like to echo your Sonic splurge as a symbol of my support. Unfortunately, there isn't a Sonic within a 150 mile radius from Boston. So, please accept my substitution of Wendy's. Maybe I'll go nuts and order something that's not on the dollar menu! DANG!

Andrea said...

OMG, I just followed this link from RW forums and am laughing my booty off! So funny!

And thanks for the info... i'll NOT be stopping by Kohls tonight for a skirt! ;)

~ go gator go

Alredhead said...

Well done on a fabulous post. Totally funny. :)

Mishy said...

OMG!! That was soooo funny! And now I know, when it's time for me to get that skirt I will not buy the cheapest I can find! Love this line: "Either this skirt performs some sort of optical illusion and makes my ass look firm, or I'm showing my hoo-haa to an army of male retirees" I was LOL!!!

Kelsey said...

Hey, so funny! I would have been mortified and hopped off as soon as possible and never have gone back to that place! I love your ability to laugh it off - what a great story! I found your blog from RW.com and just wanted to say hello to another Dallas sista! (My family and I live in Allen) I'm going to read on and find out what brought you here from New England (we can't wait to leave Dallas and dream of going somewhere cool with real trees). Glad to have found your blog!

Anonymous said...

Sadly enough, even the pricey skirts do that to me!

Linda