Deodorant: A One Act Play Based on a True Story
May 26, 2007

Characters: Amy, Jared, and Jared's brother Dan
Setting: Amy and Jared's neighborhood. Amy, Jared and Dan are walking the dogs through the neighborhood before they head off to a Red Sox game in Arlington.

Dan: It's kind of muggy out. Are you gonna wear shorts Jared?

Jared: I don't need to.

Amy: Why not?
Jared: [proudly] Because I apply deodorant down there.

Amy and Dan: [in unison, sounding seriously concerned] Down where?

Jared: [casually] Oh, like all over my butt.

Amy: Oh my gosh. Jared. Do you put it in your crack?

Jared: Oh yeah. It's easy if you use the stick kind.

Amy: Seriously Jared, be careful. I've heard it can hurt if you get it on your...you know.

Dan: Uhhh no, I don't know...there's a lot of stuff down there.

Amy: [whispering] On your poop shoot.

Jared: [casually] Yeah, that kind of stings. You really just want to apply it to your entire butt region, and the back of your schnuts. Avoid the the twig all together. At all costs.

Dan: Oh man, Jared. Remind me to never use your deodorant. Seriously, if I ever ask, just say no.
Jared: Oh, no, it's cool. I used Dad's.

Amy and Dan: -silence-

Jared: Yeah, I just use Dad's. He buys the six pack of deoderant from Sam's Club, so he totally has enough to go around.

8 comments:

Vanilla said...

Is it bad that I read that entire disturbing story and the thought that I can’t get rid of is “Man, I wish I was going to a Red Sox game tonight, I don’t think they play the Rockies this year.” Have fun at the game.

Rob & Katy said...

nice. classic jared lawson.

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Hey, sorry, my first attempt was full of typos and why in the world can't you edit comments? Anyhow, what I meant to say was that I laughed to the snorting point while reading this post. Reminds me of another story I read recently:

Why My Lips Stay Chapped

Grandma said...

I'll continue to bring my own deodorant when visiting. Should I have any concern that I use your toothpaste? Just checking?

Toad and Sue said...

maybe Jared sould try "Secret"-- the pH balance might take some of the sting out the process

holy cow, that is a great story! Tom and I laughed and laughed

P.O.M. said...

Oh my gosh. That is hi-lar-ious.

P.O.M. said...

Oh my gosh. That is hi-lar-ious.