The Wedding of the Year
July 2, 2007

On Saturday we went to the fanciest wedding that I've ever been to in my life--it was my cousin Kelly's. If you're a bride-to-be, I kindly suggest that you stop looking at these pictures right now--because chances are that you're not going to have a wedding half as nice as this one, and it will just make you sad and/or jealous. Everyone else....enjoy!

Here is a picture of my hair. This is the very best that my hair has ever looked. It took 65 minutes and 48 dollars to make it look that way. Oh, and a tip too. No wonder I'm usually quite happy to look homeless.

Here we are walking into the church. I hope you enjoy my shapely caboose and rock hard calves. Can you see James's crocs?

This is a picture of Jared and James playing at the reception. I realize that I failed to include any pictures of the ceremony. It was quite nice, you can take my word for it. Anyway, this blog is about me, not the happy couple!

Here are Jared and James on the dock. That's some scenery, huh? Views like this are the reason that a two bedroom ranch costs $450,000 on Cape Cod. I know that the Texans think those prices are insane, but that's fine--you're more than welcome to stay in Texas.

Here's James happily eating a shrimp. He's a New Englander at heart. I was so proud that James knew enough to take advantage of the free food--that's my boy!

You know you're at a fancy event when there are baskets full of free stuff in the bathroom. I was so relieved to find this little perk--I was able to give Kelly and Shawn a nice wedding gift after all--a basket full of assorted toiletries.

My sister thought that the extra-tiny-mini-screw-driver was the coolest item in the complimentary toiletry basket.

I disagree. I think it was the Vagisil. I mean if you're tearing it up on the dance floor and your vajango starts to feel like it's on fire, a mini-screw-driver isn't going to do you one bit of good. But this trial sized Vagisil will set you back in motion faster than you can say 'feminine itch.'

These cute little flower shaped thingies are butter, not white chocolate. I learned that lesson the hard way. Deceiving, huh?

This is an oyster with a lovely dollop of cocktail sauce. It's raw. I ate it shortly after taking this picture. It was so awesome that I ate three.

Ok, here's a picture of the happy couple--Kelly and Shawn.
Ok, that's enough of them...let's get back to me.

Here was my seat at the table. Fancy place settings, huh? Have you ever seen that many glasses on one table? Me neither. Jared and I had a Mormon soda fest. Oh, and every time someone got up, the waitress would run over to fold their napkin into a nice, neat rectangle. I was like "Move over Paris Hilton...Jessica just folded my napkin!"

And finally, here is a picture of my cousin eating some wedding cake. I've heard that brides like flattering candid shots, so I included it for her sake. My camera's got some zoom on it, huh?


Vanilla said...

LMAO! I'm laughing so hard right now.

Brad and Becks said...

so what were the flower things???

Patty said...

Aside from the lady standing behind you ruining the backdrop, hehe, the family pic of the three of you is a really good pic. Now you have 4 good pictures of yourself. lmao.

James' crocs are so friggin' cute. Way to make a statement!

Michemily said...

You know, I always wished that I was from New England. Everything back there just seems so classy. Lucky.

The Carrie Collection said...

Thank you for the link into your life. I kind of peed my pants laughing and it's pretty awkward because I'm at work. They frown on bodily disfunctions like that.
I haven't been able to read all of the posts but you betchyour lucky stars I'll do it. I'm glad you liked my blog. It makes me happy and kind of blog snobby because yours is freaking hilarious. I'm kind of looking down on other bloggers right now. Only a little.
I'm just going to say this now... I might steal your lines. Haha. K, I'll keep it under control knowing that you could catch me at any moment.