August 9, 2007
I'd like to thank my kind hearted readers for their outpouring of support in my previous post, because I don't make stuff up. Well, if you want to get technical about it, I kind of do--I make up my own swear words. I make up my own swears for three reasons. First, it's so much fun. Second, my sister went through an extended nasty swearing phase, so I've kind of had my fill. And third, I'm Mormon, and Mormons aren't supposed to swear. Consequently members of my religion are quite famous for making up cusses. I would say that the two most common Mormon swear phrases are as follows:
1) Oh my heck!
2) What the fetch?!
I like to think that I can do much better than these, as both happen to be unbelievably weak. So I've taken to making up my own curse words, and borrowing pseudo-swears from here and there.
The two pseudo-swears that I'm the most proud of are schnit and sha-dang-dong. They both replace the SH** word. I'm pretty sure that I've also coined the terms shiggle, and shi-tang-tang. Non-original replacements include shiz, sha-diz-nit.
Then there's the b-word. I generally stick to non-homemade replacements for that one. I like biz-natch, and beyotch does the job quite nicely as well...although I'm never completely sure of the correct spelling. I've also been know to use the terms ba-dingle-dozer, ba-doodle, and super-bitter-titch to express my deepest sentiments--those are all made up.
I tend not to replace the word ass. But on occasion I will use the words trash, tooter, and pooper in its place.
I try to avoid the f-bomb all together.
So there ya have it. Susan was right, I guess I make stuff up. My in-laws love it.