If you want to get technical about it....
August 9, 2007

I'd like to thank my kind hearted readers for their outpouring of support in my previous post, because I don't make stuff up. Well, if you want to get technical about it, I kind of do--I make up my own swear words. I make up my own swears for three reasons. First, it's so much fun. Second, my sister went through an extended nasty swearing phase, so I've kind of had my fill. And third, I'm Mormon, and Mormons aren't supposed to swear. Consequently members of my religion are quite famous for making up cusses. I would say that the two most common Mormon swear phrases are as follows:

1) Oh my heck!
and
2) What the fetch?!

I like to think that I can do much better than these, as both happen to be unbelievably weak. So I've taken to making up my own curse words, and borrowing pseudo-swears from here and there.

The two pseudo-swears that I'm the most proud of are schnit and sha-dang-dong. They both replace the SH** word. I'm pretty sure that I've also coined the terms shiggle, and shi-tang-tang. Non-original replacements include shiz, sha-diz-nit.

Then there's the b-word. I generally stick to non-homemade replacements for that one. I like biz-natch, and beyotch does the job quite nicely as well...although I'm never completely sure of the correct spelling. I've also been know to use the terms ba-dingle-dozer, ba-doodle, and super-bitter-titch to express my deepest sentiments--those are all made up.

I tend not to replace the word ass. But on occasion I will use the words trash, tooter, and pooper in its place.

I try to avoid the f-bomb all together.

So there ya have it. Susan was right, I guess I make stuff up. My in-laws love it.

20 comments:

Vanilla said...

Don't forget "vajango". I laughed for weeks after you made that reference. Heck, I'm still laughing about it. I think it was when you received the welcome basket with the feminine hygiene product in it.

Grandma said...

I agree w/ Vman! Hi Vanilla,nice talking to you..I hopped over to your site because I realized I don't need a license to do it! what beautiful sunrise pictures...was that part worth it?and not having to run that night! and Amy... that picture w/ the blog got me... a reprimanding tree no less!!!

Grandma said...

big oops...after publishing that comment I realized calling Vanilla "vman" might be misinterpreted as the V being in reference to his comment...Vman meant Vanilla man. so much for me giving new names:)

Rob & Katy said...

HAHAHA Mom!

Amy said...

Oh yes, Vajango! That is a variation on the "Gray's Anatomy" word 'vajayjay.'

Mom....oh, that's funny!!!!! I didn't think you were calling him vajango-man, so it's cool.

Vanilla said...

I kind of liked Vman until you pointed out it's other potential meaning in this post. So yeah, let's just stick with Vanilla. I'm not sure I want to be known as Vajango Man.

That sounds like some kind of super hero character from a porn movie or something.

Smelly said...

I'm sorry I missed the comments for Susan. I know I may be late but she needs to know you didn't make up your sharting cousin. I'm 100% real and obviously 400% hot! I even called my husband on the way home to proudly inform him that I mysteriously sharted sometime during the work day!

Amy said...

My husband has tried to stop swearing, especially when he stubs his toe or hits his finger with a hammer, but the only replacement he's been able to hang on to during those sudden moments is a girlie scream.

Grandma said...

ok Vanilla it will be..this time you made me laugh about your superhero comment....my girls said only I would think of the possible confusion and find the need to clarify!! and Susan there is a sharter in the family..no lie...go Smelly! And Amy..keep writing.. other families have geneologoes...we have your blog!! xo

Grandma said...

that's geneologies

Penny said...

Very funny subs, Army.

I go through phases of swearing like a sailor, using the real clear-text lingo freely. But I'm in the good girl stage right now, with "WTF!" or "what the freak'!" topping the list only occasionaly. Sometimes only a well placed curse word in the right conversation will do though.

Penny said...

that's occasionally. Had to do it, grandma. LOL

J~mom said...

I am making a note of these words..they are fantastic. I make up words all the time. LOL

dietcokegrrl said...

My favorite is "jack-hole" a hybrid of both jacka** and a**hole. I use it all the time.

Rob & Katy said...

i also enjoy using jackhole! it comes in handy while driving!

Amy said...

Vajango Man... hahahaha I love it, Vanilla's porn alias??
eww.

Grandma said...

you make me laugh Penny! don't be fooled...I have to watch myself in front of James! :)))

Michemily said...

My mom was in charge of the family night lesson one night, years ago, when she said that we were going to write down all the things [she didn't like] that we shouldn't say. We did so, then we "threw them away." They were PG-rated things like, "Shut up," and "crap." For years now, whenever she says those words, we say, "Mom, we thought we threw those words away."

Jess said...

Those are some good replacement curses; although, it's hard to wean me from my beloved curses. However, I'm always interested in branching out my vocab.

Tristina said...

We've fondly come up with some "B" words for our cat when she's clawing up our furniture. One of them is Beatrice (pronounced BEatrice). That ironically is also my grandmother's name.