Say What?!

December 28, 2007

Last night, my mother was absolutely flabbergasted to find my husband eating imitation Doritos out of her large, decorative bowl from Pottery Barn. With a little bit of prompting from me, Jared thought it would be funny to walk by my mother, eating cheap chips, out of her very expensive Christmas gift.

Not surprisingly, my mother was shocked. Usually she treats my husband with an outpouring of love, and spoils him like the son she never had. But yesterday, Jared had clearly crossed the line in the sand.

"Jared! What are you thinking," my well-mannered, extraordinarily tolerant mother exclaimed?! "That bowl is for decoration! Not for eating greasy, disgusting snacks." And in one motion, my mother had dumped the chips into a tupperware container, and commandeered her beloved gift.

This is the part of the story where you'd expect my husband to apologize, right? Well, think again, my dear readers...think again.

Jared took the bowl out of my mother's arms, headed for the sink, and do you know what that 132 pound wiener had the nerve to say to his mother-in-law? Get this:

"Pipe down, Big Mama! I'll wash it."
Okay. Read that again.

We'll be leaving this morning and resuming our calm and peaceful life in our hand built shack by the river. Thanks a lot, Jared.

26 comments:

Bahston Beans said...

Behold the power of Gustados! They can turn an ordinary family into one worthy of a Dr. Phil episode!

Topher said...

Funny story. Becomes funnier, or perhaps sadder, when I mention that my other Mormon friends in Maine live in a shack. What gives?

Marathoner in Training said...

What did she do then? Did she kill him? When is the funeral

akshaye said...

haha! That was hilarious. What did Grandma say to that?!

J~mom said...

LOL!!! That is classic!!

Anonymous said...

do they sell gustados in Dallas? They sound wonderful... a cheap dorito! Mmmmmm.

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

Good luck with that! Hilarious!

Mary said...

Wow! He lost a lot of MIL points with that one... it may be a little hard to recover.

Rob & Katy said...

wow- jared's either a) getting really comfy at mom and dad's, or b) trying to plan another cross country move without telling them- you know, get them really sick of him so they would be glad to see you guys far away again.

you guys can come stay in boston, but we don't have any gustados or nice bowls to eat them from.

P.O.M. said...

How does your mom feel about guest towels? I get angry when non-guests (like boyfriends) use guest towels becuase they are for GUESTS. I can see myself reacting the same as your mom regarding a decorative bowl being used otherwise.

I must be a 50+ year old woman stuck in a single 32 year old woman's body. scary.

Amy said...

hey watch out Amy...you used my computer ,now I can comment posing as you and really mix things up...anyways Katy-I think it was a planned stunt from what I observed BUT I had just set up the dining room table with the new bowl on it. There they are pouring their Gustados into it! Dad just made a motion of Jared's popularity going down in points!:)but good thing I have such a sense of humor.Jared did do a fine job of washing it! (as he blurted out the Big Mama line) Mom

Cheryl said...

Are you sure you didn't supply your hubby with the 'Big Mama' line, too? Sounds like something you would come up with. :-)

I think I might faint if one of my SILs called me that! (Even though I definitely AM a Big Mama.)

Grandma said...

"Little J" as I call him, thought that one up on his own. He even changed my 1st name to "Big Mama" on his cell after we had a conversation about how he calls me by my 1st name. fine w/ me...all in fun..but haha last night I put the remainder of their Gustados in my cabinet..mine all mine bwahahahah!!

Heidi said...

Ha. Laughing at your husband's nerve. It sounds like something my husband would do.

For some reason my mom still loves him. Like more than she loves me.

January said...

I am cracking up. That is hilarious! I would have loved to have been there!

Penny said...

Very loud snort. Is he wearing the big bump on his head with pride? Oh man.

Sue said...

Ha ha ha - if I wasn't so in love with MY husband I would totally want yours. Awesome. And dumb.

Few ox said...

Hey, he offered to wash it. That's more than my husband would do!

Anonymous said...

So, when is Jared's funeral?

Jess said...

I would've just been flabergasted over eating imitation Doritos! Do they even taste very good?

Erin said...

That is awesome! I would have peed myself laughing if my husband said that to my mom. My mom wouldn't like that too much, though.

Anonymous said...

you live in mama's house now.grow up....

chattypatra said...

Amy doesn't live in her mother's house, ASSHAT! Even if she did, how is that any of your business? You are just jealous because you have to live with the Grinch.

Amy said...

Yes I do! My Mama's house got two dogs, one chia pet, two levels, a blender, and a VCR. Damn straight I live at my Mama's house.

Brandon Harshe said...

Pipe down, big mama?!? Holy crap, that's funny! Classic Jared! I need to start talking to my in-laws like that!

Viv said...

That is great! Glad you all made it safely to New England.