Erasmus B. Draggin*

March 26, 2008
Yesterday, when I got home from work around 4:15, I realized that Jared and James were out for the night. That meant that for the first time in four months I was home alone with absolutely nothing pressing on my 'big ass to-do list.'** That's not to say that my list of household action items was blank--there was cereal to buy, underpants to fold, a carpet to vacuum--it simply meant that nothing on the list threatened our lives, our limbs, or our credit rating.

So, I did the only thing that any self respecting mother would do--I changed into my most disgustingly worn out pair of sweat pants, I dished up an extra large bowl macaroni and cheese, sprawled my haggard self across the couch, and planned to watch episode after episode of "Designed to Sell" on HGTV. My plan however, was foiled when I fell asleep mid-bite, three minutes after settling onto the sofa.

For the next four hours I proceeded to sleep, and sleep, and snore, and sleep. I finally startled myself awake at 8:05pm when an extra-long, snarfy snore caused the bowl of macaroni and cheese to tumble off my stomach and spill onto my neck.

Unfortunately, that was the last of the mac & cheese. Fortunately, it woke me up just in time to catch the first contestant on American Idol. I was able to fight off sleep for just long enough to critique each of the singers, and then I dragged myself up to bed, hit the pillow like a rock, and didn't emerge until my b****ard of an alarm clock went off at 5:30 this morning.

So what's the moral of this story? Well, it's simple--most moms are tired....really, really tired. An appropriate gift for any mother would probably be a gift certificate to Chuck E. Cheese (with her husband and children's names scrawled across the envelope) attached to a pillow, or a blanket, or any kind of sleeping paraphernalia under the sun. Trust me guys, she'll love you.

Back me up here, moms. Am I right? Or am I right?

*Bonus points to anyone who knows where the title of this post came from.
**I really do have homemade stationary that has that phrase running across the top. Obviously, my coworkers are envious.

15 comments:

Rob & Katy said...

I once had a dream I won a paid night for one to the local Marriott. I told Rob hoping he might get the hint. I'm still waiting. :(

Laura said...

O.K, I get the title, and I gotta say that's me today! Been dressed and ready for the gym for 2 hours now and still layin on the couch. Thanks for your help!

The VerWaynes said...

I can't think of anything better to do with my free time than sleep. Sleep and I have a secret love affair going - it's not as active as I'd like it to be though!

Vanilla said...

I get the shakes just hearing the name Chuck E. Cheese. The only good thing about that place is the feeling I have afterwards of "wow, at least my kids weren't as bad as that one family."

Jill said...

You are so lucky. I don't remember the last time I had a nap.

Moms need more sleep.

I'm really tired.

Excuse me, I must go consume some caffiene.

Topher said...

duh. Car Talk. What do I win?

akshaye said...

You gotta love it. I came home early after a big deadline yesterday. Took a four hour "nap" from 6-10. I can only imagine how sleep deprived all you moms must be!

Cheryl said...

No idea where it came from, but it's hilarious!
I tried to stay up last night to see Dave Letterman's Top Ten, then woke myself up the same way --snoring-- (minus the mac 'n cheese) right as the Top Ten list was ending. :P

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

I just read that sleep is the new sex. Duh!

chattypatra said...

Oh, Amy! Hahahaha...I see I came in too late for the "contest". Did you ever get to eat anything?

Heather said...

I love nights like that!

Grandma said...

ah the couch nap....the best... you learned it from me.... but don't choke on your macaroni!

Katherine said...

are you kidding? as my kid awakes at 8 I roll over & beg for another hour of sleep. Luckily I get a hour nap in after only 2 hours of awake time in the morning when she happily goes for her first nap. That's the only thing keeping me a good mom lately. Ah, and tonight, I'm child free, she's with grandma, looking forward to tomorrow morning!

Mindy said...

....................................................................................... oh, sorry. I'm a mom. I just fell asleep at the computer.

Zak said...

I saw that title and thought you were going to divulge the gritty details of your Car Talk fetish. Then again, maybe you already have and I just missed it.