Hopes and Dreams

March 10, 2008

Every now and then, when things start to feel a bit stressful, Jared and I like to share a Wayne's World moment. Just like Garth and Wayne, we lie on the hood of our car and discuss the deeper meaning of life. And usually, within five minutes, we come to the conclusion that humans were put on this planet for the express purpose of having ridiculous amounts of wholesome fun. Feeling renewed and refreshed with our healthy dose of joint revelation, we slide off the hood and run inside to watch cartoons. What can I say? We make a good team.

This weekend, our Wayne's World moment was strikingly different than it's been in years. First and foremost, we don't live in Texas anymore. Instead of scalding our rears on black Blazer paint and slipping around on sweaty thighs, we were wrapped in layer upon layer of clothing--long johns, knees socks, boots, hoods, hats, mittens, the works. With the exception of our eyes, nose, and mouth, not a single inch of skin was showing.

Between the howling wind and the double-covered ears, it was almost impossible to hear one another. So there we sat, staring at the clouds, screaming at each other like senior citizens, and freezing our delicate little facial features off. And somehow, in the midst of our conversation, the direction changed from our regular 'meaning of life' topic to lofty, personal dreams--not goals, but outright dreams.

I listed mine off in rapid order: climb Mt. Everest, jump an RV (the same way you jump a dirt bike), serve a humanitarian mission in Africa, and eat a pizza in Naples. I know these dreams well, as they're written in my Daytimer right next to the list of people I'd make out with even though I'm married (1. Michael Buble, 2. Curtis Stone, and 3. Will Smith).

Jared listed his off almost as quickly: heli-ski in Alaska, fly fish in Labrador, and sew somebody to a couch.

After he listed his dreams, I paused for a moment to take them all in. And then, when I finally spoke up, the following conversation ensued:

A: What was the third one? I thought you said 'sew somebody to a couch.' But I'm having a hard time hearing.

J: Yeah, that's what I said. A mattress would be okay, too.

A: Oh my word. Seriously Jared? That's disgusting!

J: No it's not! I want to find a sleeping person and sew their clothes to the couch. That way, when they try to get up they can't. They'd be sleepy and confused, and it would be all around awesome.

[thoughtful pause]

A: Jared. That's like the best idea I've ever heard. I don't see why we can't make that dream come true.

And for the next thirty minutes, we listed off the names of our friends and family, trying to decide who sleeps deeply enough to transform a young man's dreams into reality. Jared's family has a bit of a love affair with Ambien, but I've seen the wrath of my father-in-law and there's NO WAY IN HELL I'm sewing a loved one to that man's couch (what's up Robb?!). My family might have the humor to support that type of stunt, but they sleep lighter than a puff of fairy dust and love their furniture like it's a third child.

However, after much deliberation I'm happy to say that we've settled on a short list of loved-ones who would be perfect subjects for this stunt. I'm also happy to say that I'm no longer stressed about moving into our house, now I'm just really, really excited. I'm especially looking forward to weekend visitors.

19 comments:

Rob & Katy said...

Please don't sew any of us to our furniture. It's hard enough to keep it clean when all Ty wants to do is wipe his nose on it. Feel free to sew Rob to your couch though.

carla said...

can I be Frank?

Can I still be Garth?


M.

Laura said...

Make sure to take LOTS of pictures, especially ones of when they realize they can't get up and are yelling at you to help them! Priceless!!

Bahston Beans said...

1. Shawn definitely sleeps soundly enough to be sewn to the furniture piece of your dreams.

2. My boyfriend, Jack Johnson, and I would love to go on a double date with you and Curtis.

seven said...

That. Is. Awesome. Please, please, please post pictures (if you can) when you do this.

The Roberts' Report said...

I was totally stressed out before we moved into our house, too! It felt like thousands of knots inside my stomach. Plus I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was the impending debt and where I was going to put the furniture!

Rhien Family said...

one time I used lots of plastic wrap to tie someone down to a car, but the idea of sewing someone to their furniture while sleeping... this is REAL fun.

"Sew like the wind!" -name that movie....

Michemily said...

Hee hee hee.

Our Little World said...

I can totally see you and Jared having one of those moments, screaming at each other on your car! LOL. I'm glad I don't live by you anymore though! You guys are hilarious!

Grandma said...

I picture you on the hood no problem and the dream thing,but you got me w/ Jared's couch comment...blew out my drink after that one. Well, I think I'm out since I like to couch nap, but would wake up at the start of the sewing...I think you could pull off quick -stapling Dad since he would not hear the stapler anyhow.

J~Mom said...

How about you come here and try that on my hubby? LOL

Emily Murdock said...

Hmmm...how soundly does your toddler sleep? He gets my vote. Be sure to videotape it...oh wait, don't do that. That would be evidence for the CPS.
Love that we've met in blogworld, hate that we just missed you in Dallas. Ms Morphis will have to introduce us if you ever come back to visit :)

Sue said...

bwa ha ha ha

Sometimes there are benefits to only being a blog friend.

akshaye said...

Haha! Hope not too many people on that list read the blog.

chattypatra said...

Choose a big guy with lots of steroid-induced muscles! That way, when they wake up, they'll struggle hard, rip the fabric off the couch (or mattress), and it will look like the Incredible Hulk movie, only TONS better! AWESOME.

Oh, and...Happy Birthday to me!!!!

:)

Sara Luke said...

In college, a friend and I drew a life-size version of my friend's roommate and taped it to the ceiling above her bed. I can't remember why we did it but she was livid. And I'm not sure why she was so upset because it wasn't that big of a deal.

I realize that this anecdote is a bit random has absolutely nothing to do with sewing anyone to anything while they're sleeping, but it's what I thought of when I read this. :)

Julianne said...

What a great tradition! With a dream like that, Jared is my hero.

Dan and Emily Clark said...

Oh, I am so glad I wandered onto this blog today! I nearly peed my pants laughing. I am an old pal of Jared's from Maine, and ohmygosh did he marry a funny girl. I found your blog through Rebecca's. Can we please be best friends? You are hilarious (and I also would totally make out with Michael Buble. . . )! Please tell my ol' pal hello from Emily (Williams), and thanks again for the much-needed laughs!

Jes said...

That is the best idea ever!