March 13, 2007
The comments from yesterday's post have an overarching theme of consistency. "You need to be consistent with your kid," wrote one reader, "or they'll think you're full of bullcrap." I couldn't agree more, consistency is key, particularly when it comes to the good old fashioned timeout--or watching SpongeBob SquarePants every night at six o'clock. But what do you do when you issue a handful or warnings and dozens of timeouts every day and your kid still continues launch plastic hand-tools at your eye sockets? I see several options:
1) Glue your kid's a** to the timeout chair (not recommended).
2) Get a part-time job (my approach).
3) Take cover behind double paned glass (Jared's approach--please call him on his cell to discuss your associated concerns).
4) Drink (also not recommended).
5) Send up a prayer of gratitude for a beautiful child who is developmentally on-track, read him 'The Hug Book' before bed, and scrapbook all about the tender teaching moment the two of you shared (now that's a load of bum fluff).
6) Drink (I'm beginning to lighten my views on this issue).
7) Hire a babysitter and peel out of the driveway so fast that it makes her little, adolescent head spin. Proceed--with haste--to any local restaurant, and laugh your guts out over an extra cheesy platter of Nachos Grande (highly recommended).
I would also like to point out that James is consistent in many, many ways. For example, the kid has been pooping in a diaper, every day, for almost three years. Despite our adamant attempts to curb this behavior, James continues in his ways and shows no signs of stopping.
Also, for the last few months, every time we ask James what color he would like us to paint his new room, he gives the very same answer--"triangle." We've explained to him, time and time again, that triangle is not a color, it's a shape. James won't hear of it. He simply waves us away and gives us a look that says, "I don't care if it's not a color. Find a way to pull it off you simple-minded peasants!"
He must have gotten his tendency toward resolve and consistency from somewhere, right? His parents' example perhaps?
He goes to bed every night at eight. He eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY!! He naps at noon. He says his prayers. He NEVER MISSES A NIGHT OF TEETH BRUSHING!!!! For the love of all things pure and holy, please tell me that I'm not an INCONSISTENT MOTHER! I'm like the Captain firggin' Von Trapp of mothers everywhere!!!!!
Fine, that last part was a lie, but I'm hanging on by a thread here.
I love to make fun of those washy-washy-push-over moms who find themselves on Super Nanny--they boost my self esteem, bless their haggard little souls. I certainly don't want to become one of them--because seriously, where would I find my source of self worth? From within? I don't think so.
I'm melting into a big ol' heap of Britney Spears over here, can you tell? If I could dance half as well as that woman I'd probably feel a lot better right now. But guess what!? I get tripped up doing the electric slide.
Go ahead and don't worry about leaving a "you're such a good mom" comment, because really, I'm pretty confident in my parenting. Read this post, and if you're a mom, a dad, a kid, or any kind of human being who has ever had a mother, remember that motherhood is the most challenging and most important job on the planet. We all second guess ourselves from time to time, and we should all cut ourselves a well deserved break and proceed with confidence.
Chances are, you're doing a great job as a mother. I know I am.
I am, right?