Jake and the Pooper

July 15, 2008

On Sunday morning, Jared and I were right where we normally are--teaching the two-hour Sunbeam Sunday School class at church. We have a group of eleven three-year-olds, and I won't mince words here, it's complete chaos.

We try to teach them about Jesus, we really, really try. But usually, we miss the mark by a pretty wide margin. Our conversations usually go something like this:

US: Does Jesus love you?
THEM: No, Barney loves me.

US: Does Jesus live in heaven?
THEM: No, Jesus lives in my mailbox.

US: Who's this? (pointing to a picture of Jesus)
THEM: I need to poop.

Our doctrinal lessons might not be moving along so well, but I will admit that the Sunbeams' behavior has improved by leaps and bounds.

For example, this past Sunday, little Jake had to use the potty. Jared took him by the hand and led him to the bathroom. When they arrived, Jake immediately attempted to open the door to an occupied stall. Jared explained that someone was using that toilet and asked Jake if he knew how to use a urinal. Jake indicated that he did indeed know how to pee standing up by kicking off his shoes, socks, khakis, underoos, and doing his business.

When Jake finished up, Jared was busy washing his hands in the sink. He looked over toward the little Sunbeam and said something like, "Put your pants back on, buddy and let's wash your hands." But instead of heeding Jared's request, Jake charted a course of his own.

He made a bee-line for the occupied stall and crawled under the locked door because, duh, that man--you know, the one who was pooping in the stall?--Jake assumed that he might like to have some company to make the time flow by.

Jared heard a man's voice say something like, "Heeeeyyyyy! Whoaaaa! Whatcha doin' buddy?" And heard Jake exclaim, "Just sayin' hello!!!" And when he looked over, Jake's entire body, with the exception of his feet, we're sharing the inside of the pooping stall with this poor, innocent church-goer.

Before he had a chance to process the situation, Jared grabbed Jake by the ankles and pulled him across the tile floor on his belly and out of that unsuspecting man's personal bubble.

A moment or two later, the pooper, who happened to be an older gentleman, emerged from the stall, said hi to Jared and asked, "So is that your boy?" And Jared was all, "NO!"

See what I mean? That type of behavior is a huge improvement compared to previous weeks. I think we're definitely gaining control of this group.

19 comments:

Our Little World said...

Oh my gosh amy, snot shout out of my nose I was laughing so hard. That is too much...too much!

AMiller said...

That is too great! I should email you and tell you the story of a little sunbeam who was allowed to go in to the bathroom by himself and ended up pooping in the urinal. Yeah, gotta love the little guys.

Jodie said...

LOL! Oh man, that is great. Coworkers are definitely wondering why I'm snorting over here now.

Good job on the "improvement!"

Vanilla said...

That's hilarious! I would have been too embarrassed to go and get the kid and would have probably just walked out, jumped in my car and headed home.

akshaye said...

Haha! Nothing like a friendly face under the stall to rush you up.

Tanwon said...

Ahhh, that's great! The same thing has happened to me. . . . except I was the pooper. Haaha.

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

You gotta admire a man willing to deny ownership of his own child!

Amy said...

Then there was the time when the unknowing Sunbeam teacher took 3-year-old Katie to the bathroom and held the broken stall door closed for her while she unrolled all the toilet paper and scattered seat covers all over the floor. Katie wasn't even potty trained.

P.O.M. said...

Who poops at church? The older man couldn't have pooped at home BEFORE church or hold until he gets home?

Desert Survivor said...

That's a hilarious story! Really enjoying your blog.

Patti said...

Hysterical!!!! One question...2 hour class with 3 year olds?!?!? in the summer?!?!? Yikes!!!

Grandma said...

oh what a crazy scene!!! and that class is 1 1/2 hrs. too long!

jkrunning said...

Isn't it nice to have those moments that confirm that your children are not the only crazy ones? I love them.

chattypatra said...

Give that kid a medal! Betcha the next time he goes to Church that man will make sure he first went potty at home.

Michemily said...

I can't believe Jared stayed long enough to see who it was. I would have dragged the little guy straight out of the bathroom!

carla said...

SO FREAKIN FUNNY.

we're mired in potty training up in herre and I needed the laugh.

MizFit

Minnie said...

I sware, I think a cheeto just came flying across the kitchen.

Maraiya said...

Wow. That's great. That adds a whole new dimension to the "greeter" calling.

Jill said...

I teach the Sunbeams too.

Eleven? YOU HAVE ELEVEN SUNBEAMS????

I think you can probably sin all you want to now. After this year, you have surely guaranteed yourself a spot in Heaven.

I consider each Sunday a success if I can make it all the way through church without bursting into tears.