We live around the corner from a bachelor. He's a helluva nice guy, he's spends at least forty hours a week on yard work, and--bless his heart--the man drinks way too much.
Now you've got to understand, I didn't say "bless his heart" to be rude or condescending. After a swig (or twenty) of Whisky, Jim will freely admit that he drinks far more than he should--and it all started when his two sons were serving in Iraq at the very same time.
Then he'll tell you about all of his "lady friends."
But seriously guys, could you imagine having all of your children fighting in a war simultaneously? I don't know about you, but I'd probably have a cupcake in one hand, a box of Kleenex in the other, and a bottle of red wine in my purse.
In other words, I really wouldn't cope well. God bless any parent who has to deal with that kind of worry.
Fortunately, Jim's sons are safe at home. Unfortunately, Jim hasn't been able to abandon his old coping mechanism--as evidenced by the time he drove his riding lawn mower into a drainage ditch, the time I found him lying on top of his wood pile because "It's a lot more comfy than it looks, you guys," and the time he fell down my basement stairs, smacked his head against the closet door casing, dusted himself off and muttered, "Damn shoelaces..."
Yeah, he was wearing slip-ons. Buy you know, whatev.
On Saturday afternoon, as I walked by his house, Jim cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "I'm decorating for Halloween, Amy. It's that time of year!"
"Great! I can't wait to see how it comes out, Jim! I love Halloween decorations!"
And when I circled the block to make my way home, Jim's decorating efforts were complete:
I know what you're thinking: What in the living hell is that?
Welp, I'm not totally sure. But from what I can gather, it's a plywood cutout of a man wearing cargo pants, a sweatshirt, a hat pulled over his face, and a reflective vest--you know, in case he gets the urge to jog after dinner.
Or perhaps the vest isn't for safety at all--it might just add a splash of Halloweeny color to my flat, wooden neighborly friend.Good work, Jim. Can't wait to see what you muster up for Christmas!
(And seriously, I love that man. He's a great guy. A great guy who hopefully doesn't read this blog!)