*Can't they at least find a voice that sounds like it cares* I think? *Can't this robot express a teeny bit of urgency?*
Finally, a real person picks up....
DISPATCHER: 911, what's your emergency?
ME: There are five unsupervised kids playing on thin ice.
DISPATCHER: Seriously!? Oh my gosh, that's so dangerous!
ME: I know, that's why I called.
DISPATCHER: I can't believe how stupid kids can be!
ME: Um, yeah. Do you think you can send an officer by the lake to take care of it?
DISPATCHER: Let me transfer your call.
By this point I was ready to throw some rope over my shoulder, drag my canoe down the road, and execute a solo rescue.
Moral of the story? Try not to get hurt while you're passing through my little town--chances are, you'll die of exposure.