Dunkin'

January 9, 2009

Now that my child is approaching the advanced age of four, I'm starting to feel pretty darn sick of doing every little thing for him. As a result of my mounting maternal laziness, I've recently implemented a few new household rules:

1) Wipe yer own damn rear. And yes, that goes for Jared, too.

2) Put your own shirt on your own body. And if your find yourself hopelessly tangled up? Cut your own shirt off your own body (please be sure to ask for permission before using the scissors).

3) Make your own snacks. And drinks. And appointments with the pediatrician.

Yesterday afternoon James blitzed into the living room short of breath with his tongue hanging from the corner of his mouth. "Mommy," he heaved. "I'm firsty. Can I haf...(heavy breathing)...some water?"

"Rule number three, buddy. You need to get the water yourself." And he blitzed back out of the living room, into the dining room where I could hear him dragging a chair over to the cup cabinet.

"Got it, Mom!" And I heard him trample into the bathroom.

James, you see, prefers to fill his cup from the bathroom sink--thanks to the foot stool the faucets are far easier for him to reach, and there are no mountains of pots and pans to contend with.

James filled his cup and carefully walked back to the living room to show me his accomplishment. He stood in front of me, smiling big and still breathing hard. He had a wet upper lip and an even wetter left arm.

"How'd you do, Buddy," I asked?

"Uh, good Mom. Today I dunked my cup."

24 comments:

Hilary said...

Ohhhh... noooo. I feel..umm.. flushed. ;)

Vanilla said...

Nothing in life is more annoying than hearing your toddler scream from the bathroom "I'm done, will you come wipe me!"

Fortunately, I think we've finally conquered that one, although his nickname in school is going to be "skidmark" if he doesn't get better at it.

nicole said...

Hilarious.

Helen said...

Oh, I never saw that coming! That is hysterical!!!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Still ... Maine toilet water has gotta be better than New Jersey tap water. And MUCH better than the toilet water at Vanilla's office because he proudly refuses to flush because, let's face it, he's a class act.

Grandma said...

Now I'll hope James embellished! that's enough to take the curl out of his hair and maybe mine!

Mindy said...

Hooo hooo oh no ohahhahahhah. I somehow didn't see that coming.

I'm embarrassed to say that I still wipe my 7 year old's ass.

Heather of the EO said...

NO NO NO NO NO WAAAAY.

I can't stop laughing. Miles thinks there's soemthing wrong with me. (well, there IS...)

Yesterday I was correcting Miles on something going on and on about the way to do it and he stopped me and said, "Stop your honkin' Mom"

Great.

Mel said...

oh no! At least he's not like my 2 year old who flushed a Ped Egg down the toilet.

Let's just say it doesn't fit but it gets stuck so you have to remove your entire toilet and use a coat hanger to get it out.

Kita said...

hee hee. Got to love the little guys.

Cameron said...

AHHHHH! Kids have to build that darn immune system somehow. Hee-hee.

dcfullest said...

As somone who works with kids, I suggest you check the wiping situation every now and then. We had to have a talk at camp with the older elementary boys about wiping themselves thoroughly. You would think they would have mastered the skill by then, but apparently, no.

Reluctant Runner said...

Hey, you've got to give him points for ingenuity. Will you be adding a rule #4 about WHERE he gets the water from?

He is quite the cutey.

Mrs Furious said...

Hey, It's never killed any dogs... right?

chattypatra said...

I hope he didn't try to kiss you after that particular incident!

Sarah said...

I felt that coming.

Maraiya said...

My son thinks Gracie, in the photo on your sidebar, is wearing camouflage fur.

I know - nothing to do with your son drinking out of the toilet, but it is what it is.

At least the toilet was flushed....yes? Please tell me it wasn't a "if it's yellow, let it mellow" toilet.

Heidi said...

Ew. We have brushed our teeth with toilet water over here. And when I say "we" I totally mean my three year old. Totally.

Cheryl said...

I have to admit stupidity here. I read this post when there were no comments yet, and I went... I don't get it. She could NOT possibly mean that James got his drink out of the toilet, COULD SHE???!!! Oh my gosh. Now it's hilarious.

Holly said...

It's OK to have your 3-year-old gargle Lysol, right?

He's such a cute potty-mouth! I love that hair.

Michemily said...

Yikes. Really?

minnesotamom said...

Icky icky icky! That is too funny!

Angie said...

Oh NOOOO! So, so, so funny. Hope he knows the number to his pediatrician since he may have to put that one into practice as well!

And my daughter has done rule #2... so don't kid about it. ;)

Smarry said...

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Smarry
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