Coupons and Boobs--Almost the Same Thing

May 19, 2009

I'm all out of excuses--as much as I hate to do it, a trip to the grocery store must occur today.

As far as food goes, we've been in a bad way for almost two weeks now, but I've got to admit, it didn't really hit home until this morning when I sent Jared to work with a brown paper bag containing nothing but an almost black banana, a ten dollar bill, and his overdue parking ticket.

Jared, if you're reading this: Bon appetit, honey! Now pay yer damn parking ticket.

I'm not 100% sure why I harbor such strong, negative feelings toward grocery shopping,but if I had to guess, it has everything to do with my sister. Now I love my sister Katy to the zoo and back, but man oh man, she's intense about her groceries.

She's the type who pulls up to the checkout belt with a mountain of food, four binders filled with coupons, and a pocket full of special cards and secret reward receipts. The cashier rings her up, scratches her head, and says, "Huh, that's funny. It says here that I owe you seventeen dollars." And Katy's like, "Well, according to my calculations, you actually owe me eighteen dollars. But don't worry about it, I wouldn't want to hold up the line."

Like I said, she's intense.

And really, really friendly.

When it comes to shopping, I simply cannot, and will never compare to Katy. When I go to the supermarket I'm usually like, "Get in my cart you stupid bag of four-dollar chips. You'll make me fat AND my sister could get you for free." And then I'm all, "Ugh! I hate you SO MUCH you overpriced pint of Ben & Jerry's! Actually, I hate you so much that you're not even worth taking home. I'm gonna eat you right here in the parking lot of this Hannaford store!"

And then I just keep stomping around, cursing at the cottage cheese, and the people with ugly haircuts and big butts and whatnot.

But I do love it when there are plenty of snacks in the house.

Now seriously Jared, GO PAY YOUR PARKING TICKET!!!!

Did you guys know that some parking tickets double in price when ignored for a month or longer? These things are unbelievably expensive (well for me at least), and of course it's a woman who works in the parking office, so I can't even show her my boobs for a discount.

Boobs are so much cooler than coupons.

12 comments:

Michemily said...

One tip: don't shop when hungry. The only problem is, I'm always hungry.

Christina said...

My hubby says that's why I always get out of speeding tickets. Too bad I never got pulled over while I was pregnant because man were my boobs huge back then!

Jillybean said...

Now I understand why I didn't get out of that speeding ticket a few years ago.

Mindy said...

I hate grocery shopping with a passion too. I usually don't go until my kids are crying that they haven't eaten for 3 days and my husband wonders if we should turn off the fridge to save on electricity since there is nothing in it. (Okay, a bit of an exaggeration, but I really really hate it.) Oh, and I don't clip coupons OR have big boobs, so I'm out of luck there.

X-Country2 said...

I LOVE grocery shopping. No coupons or binders or secret reward cards, but it's the highlight of my Sunday afternoon.

Diana from Dallas said...

I hate grocery shopping with a big list. really I just hate unloading everything from the car

So, should Jared pay the parking ticket? I was confused...

Katy said...

I have NO IDEA how, but this morning, the kids and I wound up at some fancy pants "media event" for bloggers.

Imagine my embarrassment when I showed up, two pigpen kids, breakfast on my shirt, hair sticking up- and all these freaking Shaw's execs are sporting fancy shoes. There were some big deal bloggers there.

I legit have NO IDEA how they got my little blog's name- but whatev- they gave me free lunch and some nice lady in a power suit pushed Jennie's stroller while I wrested Ty.

Karen said...

I'm so with you on the grocery shopping hatred. I don't know why I hate it so much but I do. We got down to the bottom of the barrel last night and had kielbasa, sweet potatoes and some very iffy apple sauce for supper.

Mel said...

DH and I actually enjoy grocery shopping together. I hear that makes us pretty freakish. I put it off only because I'm usually broke. When I have money I LOVE grocery shopping though WITHOUT the child of course.

Chase's Moma said...

I LOVE Katy's blog:-) I have to agree though, boobs are much better than coupons! Who ever heard of using a coupon for a parking ticket. Too bad I don't have any. (boobs that is)

Stuffbymichele said...

I was wondering how you were going to tie boobs and coupons together! I hate grocery shopping, too, but luckily my DH does it and does it well.

Smarry said...

Very nice thanks for the sharing...........

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Smarry
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