Amy did Dallas

January 23, 2009

Welp, I'm back from quick trip to Dallas, and what can I say? It was a good, old-fashioned, buttload of fun. I laughed, I snarfed, I inadvertently walked around the old neighborhood with a 12-inch booger on my shirt, and I saw (almost) everyone who I wanted to see. The weather was great, James and Maggie were A+ travelers, and in the span of five days there was only one case of emergency oral surgery. What more can a girl ask for?

We got into town late on Saturday afternoon, and as we stepped off the plane, even Maggie was taken aback by the sight of the sun. Well at least I think she was taken aback by the sight of the sun--you know, since the child has spent the greater part of her first three months in the dark confines of my uterus, the dark confines of winter in Maine, and WalMart.

On Sunday morning, I decided to take the kids to church at our old ward (that's Mormon speak for "congregation"). I wanted to hug my friends, show Maggie off a bit, and let them see that James still displays moderate-to-severe behavior problems every Sabbath morning. We walked into the building ten-or-so minutes late--because some things never change--and had to wait in the hall since they were already passing the sacrament (Mormon speak for "communion") in the chapel.

Lucky for me, my friends can't seem to tell time either, so while we waited in the hall I ran into all kinds of fabulous church goers--Cynthia, Tristina, Mary, Sarah, Carrie, Rob, and so on and so forth. We were standing around, chatting and laughing--reverently of course--when James tugged on my skirt and said, "Mom, my stomach hurts."

And being the awesome mother that I am, I was like, "That's nice, James."

And he was like, "Mom, it really hurts."

And I was all, "Not now James, Mommy's very busy talking about her episiotomy."

And then, he looked at me with some very troubled eyes and said, "Mom. My..."

Unfortunately, those were the only words he could muster up before he helplessly vomited all over my skirt, my legs, my shoes, the carpet, and the fabulous textured walls that run up and down both sides of the hallway.

Some friends laughed, some friends ran, Sarah stuck James's head in a trash can, and good ol' Cynthia sopped up the mess before I could even gather to wherewithal to process what had just happened. As she scrubbed the wall, Cynthia was like, "Man, you really don't make this stuff up, Amy."

No. No, I don't. It's all true.

I threw my shoes in the trash, and took James back to my friend Beth's house, where he spent the rest of the day hurling in the bushes, on the grass, on the dining room floor--but never once in the toilet.

There couldn't have been a more suitable way to say, "Hello, Dallas! I'm back!"

On Monday morning we went to the zoo. On Monday afternoon Beth's two-year-old son knocked out his front tooth at the park. On Tuesday he had oral surgery. And on Wednesday we flew back to Boston in a Beth-induced food coma.

Honestly, it was the most fun I've had in a long, loooong time. Friends are golden.

11 comments:

Jes said...

Wow, sounds like quite an adventure!

Chief said...

and we wonder why we don't take more vacations


episiotomy...

lmao

Amy said...

Last week at church the kid next to us threw up all over my husband during the sacrament. I'm still laughing.

We have a Bankhead family principle that the word "vacation" does not apply to traveling with children. A "family trip" is working remotely with half the usual equipment and particularly difficult clients. Sounds like you made the best of it anyhow.

Karen said...

You never can get away without a kid vomiting. It's a rule.

Mary said...

As I recall, James came up to you, grabbed your legs, and said "Mom, I TOLD you I was sick". Then he immediately erupted. I tried not to laugh...

wendy said...

that was funny. Convenient that all your friends were late too so you could take care of that "bonding visiting stuff", and , just wondering, did you feed your son something awful before going to church, to induce the vomiting, so you didn't have to actually GO IN the chapel, and could go to your friends and have more fun

that was quite the run on sentence

Pam F. said...

Okay, I have to ask. Which part of Maggie's first three months were spent in your uterus?

Rhien Family said...

We missed seeing you guys...
bummer.

Bahston Beans said...

:)

MillerFam said...

Totally hear you on the beth-induced-food coma . . .she is such a damn good cook!! Glad you had fun, wish I could have said hello. So sad about the knocked out tooth and poor James!! xoxo

Rhien Family said...

I was thinking at first, "oh I wish I was there," but then the vomitting thing came up, so then I was like, "Oh, I'm glad I wasn't there!" just kidding,
poor kid.