The S.S. Lawson

August 31, 2010

A few weeks ago, as I walked out of a meeting, I powered up my cell phone and instantly noticed that I had seven (seven!) missed calls from my husband.

In keeping with my normal tendencies, my mind went swiftly and directly to the worst case scenario. I was like, "Oh boy, here we go. They took Reno 911 off of Netflix Instant. What'll we watch now?" But fortunately, before I could get too worked up, Jared sent me a text. It was short, it was sweet, and I don't want to make you jealous or anything, but it was absolute dream come true. The text said I JUST BOUGHT A BOAT.

The truth is, no matter how creative I get with cooking the books, we simply can't afford that kind of a splurge. I guess we could sell the family car to bankroll a boat, but let's face it, that would be very impractical for commuting. And besides, I'm not sure where I'd put the car seat.

I immediately called Jared and said, "You bought a boat?"

And he happily replied, "Sure did."

"But Jared," I continued, "How'd you pay for it?"

And in the proudest tone I've ever heard roll out of my husband's mouth he said, "With a 6-pack of Miller Lite."

Now let me just stop right here. You probably think Jared was proud of landing such a screaming deal on such a sweet water craft.

Not so.

Jared was excited because he'd just bought alcohol for the first time in his 31 years.

"Amy," he said. "They carded me, andI feel amazing."

But not nearly as amazing as I felt when Jared pulled into the driveway towing this behind his car:

Isn't she a beaut?

She's suitable for catching bass, lake trout, and communicable diseases. Also suitable for catching nasty glances from the meticulous, well established neighbors.


funderson said...

HA! Congratulations, Jared! AND neighbors of Lawsons.

Erin said...

My husband and his best friend purchased a boat together two months ago that looks a lot like Jared's (they take it bass and trout fishing). Hubby's best friend is a staunch Republican, and my husband is a Democrat. They named their boat Bipartisan"ship".

Enjoy making the neighbors angry!

Pam said...

Wow! Just think what he could have bought with a fifth of Jack Daniels! If he'd come off a few more dollars at the liquor store, you could be sporting a 30-foot Bayliner!

Charming's Mama said...

Okay, so I have to ask, is it hot? As in stolen by a bunch of drunk adolescent teenagers in order to get more beer?

Carrie said...

That's a nice boat! I was expecting something really sh!tty. Your neighbors are jealous. I am.

Cheryl said...

I'm with Carrie. I was expecting a really crappy looking boat! That one is really nice! Who in the heck would sell that for a case of beer? Or was it a six-pack? I forgot already. Sheesh.

Mike Russell said...

You know there are no lake trout in Dallas, right?

Hurricanehol said...

I'm on pins and needles to see what you come up with for a name for it!

Karen said...

Can you waterski with it?

M said...

But it has a Johnson!! (We're dealers up in the great white north, so any sightings make me happy.) Plus, Jared can now sing this song!