October 7, 2010
For all of you who've been living in a storage unit since late summer, I'll let you in on the crazy-butt thing that I'm doing in the name of church right now. I'm teaching a class called 'Seminary.' Just in case you're not fluent in Mormon, 'seminary' means that I have ten or twelve teenagers come to my house every single school morning from 6:05 until 6:55, during which time, I attempt to teach them the ins and outs of our religion.
One of the biggest components of Seminary is called 'Scripture Mastery,' and it's exactly what you'd guess it is--memorizing verses. Right now we're working on Doctrine and Covenants 8:2-3, and it goes like this:
2 Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.
3 Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation; behold, this is the spirit by which Moses brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground.
It's a really nice verse, but we all know that memorization is dry and boring, so I try to find a way to spice it up every week. This week, I called on the old white board, and wrote out the first letter of every word to kind of nudge the kids along. Like this:
Y B I W T I Y M A I Y H, B T H G, W S C U Y A W S D I Y H. N, B, T I T S O R; B T I T S B W M B T C O I T T R S O D G.
So, class started, and I picked a kid to be in charge of teaching scripture mastery for the day. He went up to the front of the room, set up the white board, and this is what immediately jumped out at me:
Y B I W T I Y M A I Y H, B T H G, W S C U Y A W S D I Y H. N, B,
T I T S O R; B T I T S B W M B T C O I T T R S O D G.
I'm telling you, I 100% had the fight the urge to lean over to the sophomore sitting next to me and says, "Oh my word! Is says tits!!!! TWICE!!!" And by 'fight the urge' I mean I was giggling, rocking back and forth, and forcibly covering my mouth with my own two hands.
So the kids recited the verse a few times through and I was hanging on by a thread. Seriously, I was working so hard to maintain composure that my bladder was one fluid ounce away from letting go all over the church-issued chair.
Finally, after the their third recitation of the verses (FINALLY!) the two girls to my left started to giggle. Without a second's pause, I physically whipped my head into the middle of their snickerfest and said, "I know! It says tits! I was waiting for someone to notice!"
Then it progressed to an awkward silence.
Finally, the freshman male of the group looked me bang in the eye and said, "Did you really just say that? Sister Lawson, that's really childish."
Then his brother piped up and said, "Yeah, you three need to grow up."
I tried to pull it together and apologize, I really did. But you guys, the board said T I T S, and it was way more than I could handle.