Things That Piss Us Off

March 8, 2011

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, back in the 1990s, I used to hang around with a red headed girl named Maureen (By the way, Maureen, do you read this? I desperately owe you a phone call, I know...In the meantime, please enjoy this unsolicited slice of attention.).


That's Maureen, all grown up. She likes toys.

Back in the day, this girl was full of ideas--good, bad, genius, asinine, slightly dangerous--they were just constantly bubbling out of her brain.On a quiet, snowy night in '97, one of these ideas snuck up on her like a thief in the night, and hoo boy, it fell squarely into the Beyond Ingenious category--it was even better than the Rear End Game.

I'll let you figure out that one on your own.

If I had to guess, I'd say it was two o'clock in the morning. She was tucked cozily in her bed, I was snuggled up in a pile of clean laundry, and Maureen casually said, "Amy, let's make a video about things that piss us off. We'll take my mom's video camera, we'll set it up, and we'll just list the things that piss us off."

Then she gave a thoughtful glance up toward the ceiling, looked back at me and said, "We'll call it Things That Piss Us Off. By Maureen and Amy. Just a list...of things that piss us off."

"Things that piss us off?" I repeated.

"That's right," she confirmed. "Things that piss us off."

Obviously, we were both strictly prohibited from uttering the words 'piss off' in the presence of our parents. Clearly, we were about to make up for that. We wasted no time in setting up the video camera [that happened to be the size and weight as a cinder block], we plopped down on the pleather futon, and we went to work.

Now keep in mind, we were seniors in high school, so our list was like:

Ugh, forgetting my locker combination!
When the school nurse thinks I'm faking!
Boys who smell like cheese all the time!
Volleyball!
Gas that costs $1.29 a gallon!

...and so on and so forth.

The videos continued sporadically through college and evolved into things like:

People who backwash in beer!
Economics!
When my Gap jeans get all bunchy in the butt!
Phone bills!
People who wear puffy-painted cat sweatshirts!
Sweatshirts without hoods, period!

The videos eventually came to a stop, but the concept never did. Really now, how could it? A zillion years later, I still call Maureen after a solid six months of communication hiatus to say things like, "Things that piss me off....the IRS. And The Chrysler Motor Corporation. And baby poop in my mouth."

Trust me, it's way more fun than starting a call with a simple 'hello.'

People, I believe in this concept. Actually, I believe in this concept so much, that I've decided to open up the floor to my internet friends.

Don't faint.

I'll start.

Highly politically charged/argumentative people.
Dog urine on my carpet.
The grout on my kitchen floor.
Calories.
Icy roads.

Go ahead, take a turn. It feels really good. Like really good. And seriously, it's so much better to take your teeny, little frustrations out in a comment section than on your poor, unsuspecting spouse who's just trying to cook you a damn meatball.

I know it's only Tuesday, but I'm thinking we'll do Things That Piss Us Off Thursdays a couple times a month. Has a sweet ring to it, doesn't it?

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd.......go!

(...as always, I have veto power over any not-niceness that I don't like)

38 comments:

Diana said...

wet nasty dog poop in my running shoes

JustMyAlias said...

Mondays!

Pam said...

BEST IDEA YOU'VE HAD YET!

People who don't take care of their animals.

Rain.

Thinking, "I'll fill up tomorrow," and then gas rising $0.15 cents/gallon overnight.

Lying bosses.

Husbands who make a pitcher of iced tea, leaving sugar and sticky crap all over the kitchen counter.

Reeeeeeaaaallllly having to go to the bathroom but being the only one at work and therefore unable to leave the lobby unattended.

Melanie Jacobson said...

Petty social tyrants.
Being used as a Kleenex.
Zits that don't go away.
The existence of Jay Leno.
Nausea.

Melanie Jacobson said...

Uh, I guess the last two are kind of the same.

Camille said...

Hippies piss me off

Camille said...

Sorry...Hippies get my goat

Charlotte said...

Split ends.
Allergies.

GeorgiaSnail said...

The fact that your bank sends the financial transactions through in order of largest to smallest. Therefore if one of the larger items overdraws the accountit causestrickle down effect of NSF fees leaving you with -$350 all because you overdrafted your account by $5....and that $1.79 you spent at the gas station for beef jerky you had to have cost you $36.50....

wait, is that just me? Nevermind...

Helen said...

People who lie about things that aren't lie-worthy.

Camille said...

I thought of a few more:
-Mountain Men Rendevous
-Renaissance Fairs (especially when they use Faires)
-Returned missionaries that served in Mexico and while sharing (in English) their mission experiences instead of pronouncing MeXico they insist on pronouncing it MeHico. That gets my goat.

Lisa said...

Passive-aggressive ex-husbands
Lawyers that don't communicate well
Slow governmental organizations
Waiting in line at the normal MVD just to save $25 instead of going to the express MVD.

Can you tell what I'm going through in my life right now?

Katie said...

Shoveling (after a surprise storm) before a 5:45 a.m. gym class.

wait. Just "shoveling" would work.

fear

Bahston Beans said...

Peeing 9000 times a night.

funderson said...

mud season really pisses me off...you should keep the piss-part, seminary teacher or no.

Michemily said...

The way my brother chews food loudly.
The way my brother snorts instead of ever blowing his nose.
My never-ending plague of zits and allergies.
How every time I actually make the effort to paint my nails, I end up ruining them because they take freakin' ever to dry.
Germans speaking to me or writing to me in English.
People driving two minutes to get somewhere.
That colorful turning wheel that shows up when I have way too many tabs open.
Junk.
My parents' garage being full of junk though I've cleaned it out three times.
Having to clean off and get into a freezing cold car that could have been in a nice warm, junk-free garage.
The way we always give and get useless things for birthdays, like lotion or note cards, when we really should be pooling our money to get people what they really want or need.
When my sister doesn't let me borrow clothes. (No one else has ever had a problem with that in the family.)
Lack of communication when there's a problem that might be uncomfortable to face.
I'm sure the list could go on . . .

Michemily said...

Alright, the list will go on.

Any snow that's not in the mountains.

When any part of my body says, "I hate you," and decides to be a source of long frustration.

When I specifically hope for and plan to eat some yummy leftovers in the fridge or cookies in the cupboard only to discover someone else has eaten all of them when there was a ridiculous amount left. (Like a whole glass serving bowl of stuffing! Grrr!)

Getting addicted to TV shows. What a waste of time. And yet, I can't help myself with The Office and 24.

Buying new pants and being told they don't fit two weeks later. Buying other new pants and being told those don't fit either.

Lack of money and independence

Laura said...

Right now: my coworker who comes back from a long lunch break, I tell her that our boss came by looking for her, and she got upset with me for not knowing what he wanted. I'm not your secretary!

Megan and Sean said...

Um, let's see..

The stupid librarian who likes to tell MY kids what to do! That's MY job, thankyouverymuch!

Running out of Clorox wipes because my five year old keeps climbing the sink in the bathroom to reach them after I've told her "those are NOT for BUTTS" a thousand times!

My husband leaving an empty candy wraper in my underwear drawer, because he's found my loot and wants me to know he knows where it is!!

This is a fun idea!! Sad that I can only think of three things right now--usually I hundreds to choose from. I'll work on it and do better next week!

Sarah said...

People in Target...or anywhere on earth...that tell their kids they're acting like a jack@$$!

M said...

Wells Fargo.

They not only get my goat, they've bought the whole damn farm.

Marc and Megan said...

When my boys wake up early from their naps because of people making noise.

When my boys refuse naps altogether.

When my youngest one thinks that 5am is an appropriate wake-up time.

People who get all preachy and then don't practice what they preach.

People who delight in others' failures and misfortunes.

When my cat uses my stomach as a launch pad in the middle of the night.

Finding a box/container/carton of something really yummy sitting in the cupboard/fridge/freezer, thinking it actually has something yummy left in it, only to find that it was put away empty by the person who finished it off.

When people put their dirty clothes in the basket of clean clothes that has yet to be folded.

WOW... you happened to catch me on an extra pissy day. Thanks for providing an outlet. lol!

Pam said...

Oh yeah! Ditto Michemily on the fingernails thing! Except this time it was my toenail. I rarely get manipedis because I'm too cheap (read: poor), but I went with a girlfriend Saturday and got one. I did so good. I got my wallet and my keys and my cell phone out of my purse before she started so I wouldn't mess up my fingernails digging in my purse. I even remembered to bring a pair of flip-flops with me so I wouldn't have to wait all afternoon for them to dry to put my shoes back on.

Then what did I do?

I hit my big toenail on the brake pedal as soon as I got back in the damn truck!

That pisses me off!!!

lauridawn said...

I think this is a great idea!

Having to clean sticky refrigerator handles at least once every single day - especially when there are no residents under the age of 15 in this home.

Unflushed toilets.

When someone refuses to allow that there may be more than one way to see things.

Those who get pissed about too many things (including myself at times).

When the display on our treadmill dies and my daughter laughs about me thinking that's a problem - just so happens that I find it satisfying to see proof that I've just strutted for 45 minutes and challenged myself with some speedy-for-me sprints.

AubreyMo said...

When I go in to the doctor for a girl check up and they ask if a hot guy student can attend the procedure (OHHHHHH HELL NO!)And then when the nurse mocks you in the hall because "I had students when I had mine done!"

Kristi said...

The plastic straw cover, not the straw mind you, that plastic covering, from capri sun thrown in the floor instead of the trash.

When my husband eats flippin' DORITIOS in bed when I'm trying to sleep.

When the light is turned off and I'm asleep and my husband comes in and turns it on to read before he goes to bed.... REALLY? Like we don't have electricity in the living room????

When I walk into the bathroom after someone was just in it and they stunk it up and didn't spray.

People who have no follow through

Drunk drivers

People who are too absorbed to with their own image in a mirror or shiny surface to make eye contact when they are speaking to you

sitting down at the toilet and realizing that there is no toilet
paper in the whole flippin' bathroom

When I miss the stupid cut off for online payment by a blasted hour and they want to charge me a 35 buck late fee for an hour!

Late fees

Katy Shamitz said...

The Boston Athletic Association
The Post Office

Little ChickPea said...

When the cat gets his whackadoo nighttime crazies right after baby falls asleep.

Slow drivers in the passing lane.

My post-baby hair... seriously hormones? What gives!?

Babies R Us.

Karen said...

Cat puking on the rug.

Little kids upstairs dancing around apparently wearing tap shoes way past the time little kids should be in bed.

The "check engine" light going on in my car AGAIN.

Finding out our condo is worth so much less than I paid for it.

Yaz said...

Oooh this is just what I needed today!!! Coming out of lurkerdome (lurkerdum? dom?) for this.

1. Being on crutches for 6 %&()§ weeks and not being able to run.

2. Not being sure if I am doing my job right.

3. Not being sure if I am getting paid what I should be.

4. Going on a 1500 cal/day diet and gaining weight.

5. Never being sure if how I am parenting is right.

6. Grouchy people who don't smile

7. Needing to be on a 1500 cal/day diet because my clothes don't fit.

8. Having to bag my own groceries

9. Not wearing high heels

10. Getting up on the wrong side of the bed (as I clearly did this morning!!)

M. Brooks said...

Inefficient use of windshield wipers.

Kari said...

"Sorry... But"

Tanya Gough said...

I laughed reading through these comments because I can relate to so many of them! Great stress relief.

My list:

Those who believe any type of confrontation is negative.

Catty women.

Insensitive men.

Self-absorbed, high-minded, stagnant minds. That sounds really rude.

I really am my own worst enemy though.

Michemily said...

When people never finish projects.

I think I'm winning. Am I winning?

Tara said...

Oh boy! This is exactly what I needed!!

Litter
animal abuse
bitter coffee
whiners
country music
people who bicker constantly
people who insist NASCAR is a sport
running out of toilet paper
the cost of gasoline


ahhh, I feel better now. thanks!

FinnyKnits said...

Looks like a lot of people need this kind of therapy. I can't say I disagree. Word.

- People who misspell their own name in emails.
- Poor grammar and spelling in general.
- Getting soap, lotion or candles as a gift. No one needs more of this crap.
- The airport. Just...just...all of it.
-People who mispronounce words by using letters that aren't even included in the word. Example: Exetera for etcetera.
-You know...pretty much everything pisses me off at one time or another.

snugglebugs said...

This is fantastic! I'm so amused I can't even think of anything...

And I'm normally full of them.

JC said...

The vat of candy in the office and that I somehow have no self control regarding this specific vat of candy.

The gulping noise the cat makes when he licks his nether regions.

Static noise on the radio when the alarm goes off and how my husband apparently can't hear it and will just listen to half music and half static until I poke him.