May 18, 2011
Last night, I was standing in the bathroom, mulling over a question that all American women occasionally (or obsessively) ponder throughout their lives...
If I could magically change one part of my body what would it be?
Fifteen years ago, or maybe even five years ago, I would have had a list a mile long: thinner thighs, a firmer butt, silkier hair, a clearer complexion, a super flat stomach, and so on and so forth. But not last night.
Last night, the answer came to me like a flash of lightening. If I could magically change one thing about my body, I would...beyond the shadow of a doubt...heal this damn freaking hemorrhoid that's been plaguing my existence for the entire last decade.
That's it. That's all.
That hemorrhoid is quite literally the only think I'd change about my body. Hitting thirty has either provided me with exceptionally solid self esteem, launched me into an unfixable slump, or both.
My hair's frizzy? So what! My stretch marks make my stomach look like a road map of Boston? Who cares?! It feels like I'm pooping out shards of glass every time I hit the pot? OH PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!
Now Jared on the other hand, has had the same, unwavering answer for the entirety of his adult life. If he could change one thing about his body, he'd give himself a super penis. Fair enough.
James, hearing this conversation through the vent hole in his bedroom floor piped in and told us that if he could change one thing about his body, he'd have, "six heads on the top, four legs on the bottom, and six eyes tossed all over the place." Not surprising in the least.
What would you change?