New Shoes (a one act play based on a true story)
September 7, 2006
Amy: Hi, I'm looking for some new shoes. I used to wear the Adidas Response, but I don't like this year's model. Do you have any suggestions?
Shoe Salesman: We have a shoe, just in, that I'd really like you to try. If you liked the Response, you'll love these.
A: Fantastic...I take a size ten.
[Shoe salesman walks into the back room. Meanwhile, Amy checks out the price of the shoes]
SS: Here we go...
A: Did you just bring me the most expensive shoe in the store?!
SS: I don't work off of comission, ma'am.
A: Answer the question.
SS: Yes, ma'am...I did.
A: Well you think about how my husband will react while I lace them up and then run around this tiny indoor track. I run sort of funny, so I'd appreciate it if you'd watch my baby instead of me.
SS: Uh, ok. [looks at baby in a very confused way as Amy runs off]
A: I like them. I'll take them. Please don't tell Jared.
SS: Who is Jared?
A: Good. [thoughtful pause] Since I bought the most expensive shoe in the whole store, will you carry this stroller down the stairs for me?
SS: Uh. Ok...sure. but I don't work off of comission, ma'am.
A: I know, but he weighs like 30 pounds.
-The End-
Thanks Judge Mathis!
July 31, 2006
Sometimes, when I'm feeling a little down about life around 1 o'clock in the afternoon, I turn on Judge Mathis. His plantiffs and defendents always remind me that I'm on the right track in life. The current case is about a woman who was eight months pregnant and drunk starting a fight at a barbeque and causing damage to her ex-sister-in-law's trailer. It also involves a paternity test (in some capacity), some issue over marinating the bbq meat, and a restraining order against a blind man. It was just the self-esteem boost that I needed....now I'll turn in off.
July 31, 2006
Sometimes, when I'm feeling a little down about life around 1 o'clock in the afternoon, I turn on Judge Mathis. His plantiffs and defendents always remind me that I'm on the right track in life. The current case is about a woman who was eight months pregnant and drunk starting a fight at a barbeque and causing damage to her ex-sister-in-law's trailer. It also involves a paternity test (in some capacity), some issue over marinating the bbq meat, and a restraining order against a blind man. It was just the self-esteem boost that I needed....now I'll turn in off.
14 Jul 2006
phone... Current mood: confused
I lost my cell phone. It is so gone. Can't find it anywhere. When I signed up for this plan I got my phone for $14.98. If I buy the same phone now it's $250! I hate that...one minute they're trying to talk you into buying the razor phone for 3 cents, and 6 weeks later, when you lose it they're like..."mmm, cell phones are very expensive. We can give you a deal on this refurbished Zack Morris phone. It will be $200." Where's the justice??!!!
I have GOT to stop losing things!!!!
phone... Current mood: confused
I lost my cell phone. It is so gone. Can't find it anywhere. When I signed up for this plan I got my phone for $14.98. If I buy the same phone now it's $250! I hate that...one minute they're trying to talk you into buying the razor phone for 3 cents, and 6 weeks later, when you lose it they're like..."mmm, cell phones are very expensive. We can give you a deal on this refurbished Zack Morris phone. It will be $200." Where's the justice??!!!
I have GOT to stop losing things!!!!
31 May 2006
Well friends, I'm happy to say that I had a personal break-through today...an Oprah "ah hah moment" of sorts. I finally have freedom from poo! Dog poo...
If I don't talk to you on the phone regulary, then you might not know that there are three things that really get my blood pressure pumping: drivers who beep at ladies pushing baby carriages, rap music, and people who don't pick up after their dogs. Unfortunately, our apartment complex houses an abundance of each.
The poo problem was getting exceedingly bad, however. First someone let their dog poop on our steps and didn't pick it up (I thought I was a target, but then figured that if I was a target, it would have been in a flaming bag), then someone left a humungazoid load o' crap right in the middle of the sidewalk! Let me tell you, I ran right through that pile with the front tire of my baby jogger...I was ready to hunt and kill. Hunt and kill. The final straw came a few days ago, when I walked around the side of my car to get James and there was a big, steaming turd sitting right there on the curb! I felt my usual rush of anger and lost all of my judgement. There I was, all alone in the parking lot...hands held high above my head (in that why God, why? position), yelling things like, "c'mon...be nice!...you can not be serious!...scoop the poop you a-head!" I wanted to spice up my monologue a little bit more, but my 13 months old was watching, and listening very closely.
When Jared got home that night I was making dinner. I was still so angry about the curb poop incident that I was cooking in a very aggressive manner...clanging the pots and pans all around, slamming the oven door...the whole nine yards. Jared finally aksed me what was going on and I told him the whole story. After I finished, we just sat there in silence for a minute or two, taking it all in. I eventually aked, "how do you do it, Jared? How do you have such inner peace when you're surrounded by so many poops?" His answer was so simple, yet so profound. He said, "Amy, I see the load and I think to myself...oh, there's some poo, don't want to step in it!" I was like, "what? That's it?! You just try not to step in it?!" Jared nodded...he's really a simple man.
Fast forward to the moment today...I was walking to get the mail and I crossed over a little, grassy patch right in front of the boxes. I scanned the lawn and I found myself doing it again...."Jared..look....there's one, two, three, and a teeny one....three and a half dog doos!" When I turned to make exasperated eye contact with Jared, he was just standing there looking so content. That's when I had my moment....I thought to myself...oh wow, there's a lot of poop, don't wanna step in it.
And that was that...I've let my anger go.
Well friends, I'm happy to say that I had a personal break-through today...an Oprah "ah hah moment" of sorts. I finally have freedom from poo! Dog poo...
If I don't talk to you on the phone regulary, then you might not know that there are three things that really get my blood pressure pumping: drivers who beep at ladies pushing baby carriages, rap music, and people who don't pick up after their dogs. Unfortunately, our apartment complex houses an abundance of each.
The poo problem was getting exceedingly bad, however. First someone let their dog poop on our steps and didn't pick it up (I thought I was a target, but then figured that if I was a target, it would have been in a flaming bag), then someone left a humungazoid load o' crap right in the middle of the sidewalk! Let me tell you, I ran right through that pile with the front tire of my baby jogger...I was ready to hunt and kill. Hunt and kill. The final straw came a few days ago, when I walked around the side of my car to get James and there was a big, steaming turd sitting right there on the curb! I felt my usual rush of anger and lost all of my judgement. There I was, all alone in the parking lot...hands held high above my head (in that why God, why? position), yelling things like, "c'mon...be nice!...you can not be serious!...scoop the poop you a-head!" I wanted to spice up my monologue a little bit more, but my 13 months old was watching, and listening very closely.
When Jared got home that night I was making dinner. I was still so angry about the curb poop incident that I was cooking in a very aggressive manner...clanging the pots and pans all around, slamming the oven door...the whole nine yards. Jared finally aksed me what was going on and I told him the whole story. After I finished, we just sat there in silence for a minute or two, taking it all in. I eventually aked, "how do you do it, Jared? How do you have such inner peace when you're surrounded by so many poops?" His answer was so simple, yet so profound. He said, "Amy, I see the load and I think to myself...oh, there's some poo, don't want to step in it!" I was like, "what? That's it?! You just try not to step in it?!" Jared nodded...he's really a simple man.
Fast forward to the moment today...I was walking to get the mail and I crossed over a little, grassy patch right in front of the boxes. I scanned the lawn and I found myself doing it again...."Jared..look....there's one, two, three, and a teeny one....three and a half dog doos!" When I turned to make exasperated eye contact with Jared, he was just standing there looking so content. That's when I had my moment....I thought to myself...oh wow, there's a lot of poop, don't wanna step in it.
And that was that...I've let my anger go.
Rodeo Cowboy
This is my first try at a homemade cowboy costume for James. A few modifications to the blingy belt buckle and we should be all set. I'm very proud of my handiwork on this one. A stack of fabric sure can look cute if you do the right things to it. I hoping to have a saddle for Gracie within the next few days! Grampy is amazed at how Texan James looks...well, for now he's a Texan so we'll go with it!
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