Confessions of a [mostly] Reformed Slob
June 25, 2007

If you haven't met me in person, then you probably haven't realized that I'm kind of nasty--a totally disorganized slob. My keys are usually lost, I feel kind of good when I discover a putrid sippy cup in my diaper bag, and my child hasn't had a legitimate bath in like ten days.

In recent years the actual cleanliness of my living space has vastly improved, but in my heart I'll always be a mess. I should tell you--I don't vacuum or scrub because of my own desires, it's only because I'm trying to keep my husband around. If it were totally up to me, I would build a giant mountain of trash, carve out a cave, and live my days in happiness. Most women daydream about Orlando Bloom--I, on the other hand, usually fantasize about Oscar the Grouch.

Gosh, now that I think about it, I've been pretty messy for as long as I can remember:

When I was a kid, I was so disorganized that I actually lost my pet turtle. He ran away, and I couldn't get my act together quickly enough to chase him. (I'll never forget you, Skippy!)

In college, the only clean thing in my room was the trash can. Somehow it always reamined completely empty--I'm good like that.

For some reason, writing my 75 page graduate thesis was a thousand-million times easier than hanging my jacket on its designated hook.

And just today, I did two inexcusably slobbish things:

First, I was cleaning our kitchen and managed to find 85 cents in change. I was too lazy to put it in my wallet, and I didn't think the junk drawer was an appropriate place for 85 cents, so I literally stuffed the money in between the cushions of our loveseat. I fully realize that most ladies try to pull the change out of the couch cushions, but let me tell was the most liberating thing I've done in ages. Honestly, I haven't stopped smiling since.

And then a few hours later, I sat down to check some unimportant business on the internet while I enjoyed my lunch. As I bit into my chicken sandwich, a little blob of barbeque sauce splatted right into the speaker of my laptop. Instead of jumping up to get a wet cloth and remediate the situation, I casually shrugged and thought to myself, "Oh man, this computer will never be the same again." And it's not, it smells like a restaurant in Texas....I LOVE IT!!!!

I know, I should be embarrassed, but I'm not. I like who I am, I've embraced my slobbishness and thanks to the little things, I'm having the best day ever.


Grandma said...

but when you visit you always manage to get that stuff all packed in your bags and get on the plane..then I go lookin for 85 cents you may have left behind. I keep it if I find it! maybe my fri. night cleaning of the house made you hate the idea. remember the post-it notes that I left saying "no going out unless your room is picked up?" you just shoved it all under the bed... I should've given you the dust ruffle sooner! love you amy! mom

Anonymous said...


PEP said...

anonymous was me.

smelly said...

See you soon Poopy!

Grandma said...

p.s.I just found $300.00 in your closet! finders keepers!

sprocket said...

I think you are my new best friend.