I Saw it Coming
June 20, 2007

**WARNING: I'm feeling a little deflated today**

I think wedding rings are ridiculously outdated, but five years ago we liked the idea. I'll tell you what, if we had to do it all over again we'd be exchanging very different gifts at the altar. We would exchange trumpets, or airhorns, or buzzers, or gongs...you get the idea.

I think these types of instruments could really increase the quality of communication in our marriage. As soon as I began to nag, Jared could toot the airhorn or play a B flat on the trumpet. I'd have to stop, no questions asked, and we'd move on with our day without so much as a grudge. It would be good.

Yesterday, I most definitely would have used my instrument on Jared. I would have sounded the gong the moment he walked in the door, visually sized up my outfit, and gave me a somewhat disapproving look. I could have buzzed him in time to stop him from weakly smiling and saying:

"Ohhhh. That's your new shirt. I've got to be honest with you, Amy. I really, really don't like it."

But I couldn't. He said it. And with that comment off went the shirt, the shorts, the belt, the makeup, the push-up bra, the necklace, the watch, and the smile. I regretfully recinded my efforts, and changed back into my regular old mom clothes.

I really do wish I had an airhorn. My ears would be done hurting by now. But my feelings? They're still aching pretty badly.

9 comments:

Amy said...

One time when I was about 8 months pregnant and trying to be creative with my clothing (i.e. not buy any maternity clothes), I showed up at work in what I thought was a stylin' professional outfit. Apparently I thought wrong because not only did one of my students (these were college-age students, mind you) say, "Wow, that's an unusual outfit," but my co-workers mentioned it too. When I got home, my husband took one look at me, and said something like, "Those are weird clothes." Of course I looked weird--I had a 20-pound growth jutting from my belly. Still, it hurts to find out that your fashion choices are the laughingstock of those around you, especially the one person who is supposed to think you are sexy all the time.

Rob & Katy said...

amy,
that made me sad. i join you in sounding my airhorn at jared. i love him, but that comment could have been kept in his THOUGHT bubble rather than his TALK bubble.
i think you're fabulous.
love you- katy

Vanilla said...

The makeup came off twice? Did it not come off properly the first time? ;)

Brad and Becks said...

First of all....we all know not to take any comments, concerning fashion, seriously from Jared. he just recently called to confirm that it was bad to wear navy and black together. i would put that shirt back on and pull your chin up and know your a hot mama and men don't think before they say stuff.

Amy said...

I'd like to point out that the only non-sympathetic comment came from a man. You probably said the same thing to your wife last night, Vanilla!
And to all of the ladies, thanks!

Rob & Katy said...

Amy,
I haven't commented on your blog yet but this post was impossible to keep quiet about. I have committed a very similar sin by making an inappropriate critique of your sister's wardrobe. Now, mind you, this was before we were married so I learned my lesson early: I arrived at her apartment to pick her up before we left for my company party which I was very excited about since I would be able to show off my girlfriend (who I thought was the best looking chick around). So, when I saw Katy's black dress she planned to wear I was a bit disappointed since it wasn't her most flattering outfit and I wanted to really show her off. I could've been subtle and said something charming and just be happy that she was coming with me to the party but instead, I say: "Wow, does that dress come with a habit?". Yeah, I suggested that she looked like a nun and not just any nun, a pregnant one (as she remembers the conversation). This didn't bode well for the evening and I had to do alot of backpeddaling and attempts at humor to try to get my foot out of my mouth. I did no permanent damage to Katy, since she eventually did say "Yes" when I proposed but I did learn a very valuable lesson: Never comment on a woman's wardrobe unless you can be overly flattering. Sometimes it's best just to say: "I'm so lucky you want to hang out with me" because my fashion sense is not going to be featured in GQ anytime soon.
Rob

Amy said...

Rob...
Now that you mention it, I remember that incident. Thank you for the reminder that boys can be dumb. You're right...Jared's just a guy.

Grandma said...

my favorite comment I rec'd from another woman was "interesting color - combination" ..............Jared where is your doghouse located? or is she trying to find YOU a new home like the Catahoula? Rob- that's a good story!! I could just see Katy's expression!

Anonymous said...

I know this is going to get me in trouble, and by extension Jared (another male) but I got to ask "Are you proposing that women want honesty only some of the time in a relationship?"
I say an order of dry rub ribs for da man for being brave enough to tell the truth.
I remain, Anonymous