Wedding Gifts
June 27, 2007

We're flying to Connecticut tomorrow afternoon. I know that flying with a toddler is a big deal to most families, but we're way past that point. Actually, I'm quite sure that James has been on an airplane at least ten times, and the child is barely two years old.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not casual about flying because my two year old is well behaved on airplanes, I've simply detached myself from the chaos. We get on the plane, we sit down and I'm like, "Ok James, we're on an airplane! Go ahead and rip every page out of the SkyMall Magazine and then kick that nice man's seat over, and over. Mommy took some Tylenol PM, so she's going to close her eyes now." Sorry folks, it works for me!

The flights ended up costing us close to twelve hundred dollars, and since you can't pay for airline tickets with WIC vouchers, we're totally broke. For that reason alone, my cousin Kelly will not be receiving a conventional wedding gift from the Lawson Family. I am, however, familiar with wedding etiquette and wouldn't dream of leaving Kelly and Shawn high and dry.

In honor of their sacred nuptials, we've decided to let the happy couple keep all of our wedding related purchases including one toddler tuxedo with a dashing pink bow tie (valued at $17.99) and one pair of control-top underpants purchased at SuperTarget (valued at $12.99).

We have also been practicing a touching duet that we plan to perform at the reception. We will be singing 'A Whole New World' from the movie Aladdin, acapella. And yes, the performance will be captured by the event's videographer.

The happy couple will also receive one 60 minute motivational speech delivered by yours truly. The speech, entitled Marriage: There's Nothing Wrong with Wanting Separate Rooms, is based on my 5 years of personal experience.

And finally, I am giving my beloved cousin the priceless opportunity to open the lines of communication with her soon-to-be mother-in-law. You see, Kelly, I never got around to RSVPing about the rehearsal dinner by that pesky June 15th deadline. So just go ahead, call Shawn's mom, and let her know that all three of us will be there.

Kelly is truly blessed to have me as her cousin, I realize that. You see, a $200 check would be cashed and quickly forgotten, but our gifts are the type of memories that easily last a lifetime.


Rob & Katy said...

i got kelly got a pile of used tour books for her shower, and was just this morning pondering the cash value of singing at the ceremony... poor kelly, stuck with two broke ass stay at home mom cousins.

Brad and Becks said...

You are quite possibly the funniest girl on the planet. once again, i am laughing out loud! i think that solo will have everyone in tears....great song choice. it's a wedding classic. if there's an encore, i would seriously consider "careless whisper" or "lady in red" Those are the one's Janice was choosing between for Monica and Chandler's wedding on "Friends."

Toad and Sue said...

lets go running AND to senior's water aerobics hour when you get back.

ps and I won't go swimming without you while your gone so I don't get all super good at it and leave you in the wake at the triathloin

Do they have a whale division for triathlon? I hope so.

Have a great trip!

Grandma said...

just make sure that tux is packed or James will have to go as a pirate!

Patty said...

I'm not sure what's funnier - the comment about the WIC vouchers or the title of your speech.

And if you were dead-ass serious about the WIC voucher comment, then I'm totally ONLY laughing about the title of your speech. =)

Rob & Katy said...

ok ms. post a day- i updated my blog.