Marathon Training: Incident #1
August 27, 2007

I was a bit of a track star in high school, and pictured to the left are the lucky shorts that won me a whole mess of titles. I wore these very shorts when I won the state championship in the two mile run during my junior year (still my only claim to fame, so deal with my showing off, ok?). I was pictured wearing these beauties in my local newspapers at least ten times during the late nineties.

Awesome.

No, I obviously never returned my uniform like I was supposed to. And yes, I actually was number sixty-nine.

I had no idea what that number implied ten years ago, but thinking back, every member of the football team seemed to understand. I was met with rounds of rousing applause from the players every time I circled the track. I thought they liked my ponytail--guess not.

Finding myself in the midst of a laundry crisis last week, I wore these shorts to the YMCA. Barring the obvious embarrassment of wearing that number on my upper left thigh, the shorts functioned just perfectly.

Once I got home I washed the shorts, put them back in my drawer and forgot about them until last night--when I faced another laundry crisis. I was meeting my friend for a run and had nothing to wear, so on went the old track shorts.

If I had to give it my best guess, these shorts are from the 80's, so they're at least twenty years old. Based on my own unscientific analysis, elastic has a shelf life that is much shorter than twenty years, so go ahead and do the math. Last week's washing must have done the old elastic in, because one mile into the run, I had some very droopy drawers.

At first I thought it was funny. The shorts would start to droop, I'd run in front of my friend, lift up my t-shirt and show her the crack of my a$$. We were having a good time--it was kind of funny.

We kept on running, and the shorts kept drooping. Actually, they were drooping to the point where I had to hold them up. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can.

Somewhere around mile four, I began to tell my friend a story, and before I knew it, I was talking with my hands. Just as I was all, "So the building was THIS BIG!" (holding my hands high above my head), my nether-regions began to feel rather breezy.

I slowed down the pace, turned to my friend and calmly said, "Dude. I just lost my pants." Sarah ran over to me, and for some reason she opted to lift up my t-shirt, earning herself a nice bright view of my bum cheeks.

So there we were, standing in the middle of the road, shorts around my knees and my friend laughing her oh-so-sympathetic lungs out.

Thank GOODNESS it was dark.

20 comments:

Melinda said...

hee hehehhehhhooo hahaha
niiiiiiiice!

Patty said...

Between this story and the Marriage Tips story, I've come to realize that you just secretly love to show off your butt cheeks... and butt crack for that matter. LMAO. I envy your amazing self-confidence! You go girl! (Okay, that last line was sooo 10th grade, but whatever).

Vanilla said...

It may have been dark out. But there was a FULL MOON! Ha, someone had to say it, besides taking the easy joke is my forte.

J~mom said...

LOL!!! That is so funny!!

The Carrie Collection said...

Oh, we all remember the day we learned what '69' really meant. Last week was eye opening for me. I guess I just alwasys assumed people wore it on their shirts becasue the '9' was an upside down mirror image of the '6' and that was aesthetically pleasing.

Jes said...

That is hilarious!!!!

Rachel said...

You don't know me, but thanks SO MUCH for the laugh. That is horribly hilarious. I am going to lay in bed tonight and spontaneously laugh.

Busy Little Bee said...

Amy, you always know what to say to make me feel better! This beats my Bog of Eternal Stench! Sort of. :)

Anonymous said...

were you still able to hold onto your cell phone and mace? xo mom

MorseyRuns said...

All I took away from this post is that you still fit into your high school shorts- ohmigod you are amazing! And hilarious.

glitterangel said...

That's so funny, and what a shame, because they're really cool shorts! I spent a summer holiday last year with my stepdaughter (who was 12 at the time) happily wearing a headband with a great big '69' on for the whole 2 weeks. Of course she had no idea and was far too young for me to say anything. Very embarrassing!

Jess said...

A. I can't believe you still own a piece of clothing from high school. B. I can't believe you still fit into said piece of clothing. C. I find it hard to believe that you didn't understand the meaning of "69" in high school, but if that's true, it might explain your time shining on the track field instead of the back seat of a car. D. I assume you will wear these shorts again on a run? Certainly, we're all dying to have a repeat of this incident, and are even craving for it to happen in a group setting!

Amy said...

Folks, please understand that these are elastic waist shorts! I would bust the seams from a pair of jeans or heaven help me, a prom dress.

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

I'm so with Jess...You are obviously much more innocent than I was in high school (which could also be why I wasn't a member of the track team :P) but in softball a friend and I picked numbers 6 and 9 so that we were even more *exciting* together :X

Penny said...

Soooo funny. Nothing wrong with a cool breeze whipping up around that area, KWIM (in a little more secluded environment, of course!) LOL.

Must share this. One day at work I was walking with my friend down the hall and her underwear fell down to the floor as she walked. She was wearing a fancy dress and had the underwear on over her hose, plus she had lost weight. A situaion ripe for a panty fallout. And since they were big-mama panties, there was no missing them when they hit the ground. Luckily she was near a restroom so she shuffled her way over to it pretty quick. We just laughed and laughed - what else can you do. Luckly, I was the only one who saw (at least we think so).

krystyn said...

I'm laughing in my cubicle...that was a great post - absolutely hilarious!

Pat said...

me in a pair of shorts from high school. they wouldn't fall off. hell, you could cut the elastic in 20 places and they wouldn't fall off. who i'm i kidding. you could cut the elastic in 20 places and i still couldn't get them on.

but i think i've had this dream. a girl in a pair of shorts with the #69 and the shorts come off. or some variation of that.

good post. i agree with everything vanilla says about you.

Database Diva said...

My best friend and I maintain a list of "things that could only happen to one of us". It is basically a list of life's most humiliatingly funny moments. Your story is worthy of our list. And we thought all of the embarrassing stuff happened to us. How would we get through life without a sense of humor?

Anonymous said...

that post almost had me spitting out my root beer all over my computer! you are definatly wayyyyy funnier than the ebay lady.

Joy Through Cooking said...

dude - totally still have my xc shorts (jersey too) times two (we changed uniforms halfway through). HOW could I give those back - they are a piece of history right! But then... I dont wear them now - elastic or not they would pinch in the tummy ;)