A Matter of Perspective
August 28, 2007

My husband joined the YMCA. Can you believe that? He's started exercising and I've started stocking up on canned goods, because seriously folks, the end is nigh. Hell has frozen over, and I think the earth will soon follow.

Next thing you know, I'm gonna run out and do something ridiculous, too--like vacuum. Oh man! That would really be something, huh?

Last night, after dinner, we all loaded into the Toyota and headed to the Y as a family. James played in the bounce house, I sat motionless on the recumbent bike reading People, and Jared ran on the treadmill.

After about thirty minutes, when I felt like I had adequately judged Brittany's latest antics, I headed to the scale to see if my page turning had prompted any miracles.

Mmmmm....not so much. According to that evil piece of equipment, I had actually gained eight pounds. "Oh, C'MON!" I huffed, and walked off to find Jared.

When I found my husband I was wearing an elephant-sized frown and he was sporting one of his classic 'I neglected to flush the toilet on purpose' grins.

We took one look at each other, and in unison, asked "What's going on?"

And then, in unison, we answered, "I gained eight pounds." The only difference was, I ended my sentence with the word 'damn it' and Jared ended his with a body builder pose.

And then, in unison, the truth of the situation dawned on us both...the scale was off by eight pounds. Hallelujah.

As Jared turned to walk away, all slumpy and deflated, I stopped him, looked deep into his eyes, gave him a firm pat on the butt and said, "Go get 'em tiny."
GOSH that felt good.


smelly said...

When I think Jared, I think meathead. I can just picture him at the Y in a tank top, greased hair, some gold chains, listening to house music and boasting about his latest lifting personal bests! Has he started preaching the gospel of protein shakes yet?

Vanilla said...

Calling your husband 'tiny' in a public place is just mean. Almost as mean as say... not flushing on purpose.

Ali said...

you are hilarious.

I love the celebrity gossip workout, shockingly I didn't look like anglelina when I got off the bike, maybe we had faulty equipment?

sue and toad said...

I am so relieved, I got on that lame scale today too-- but now I should feel bad about the 24 krispy kreme donut holes I ate in honor of my new found fatness. oh well

RunnerGirl said...

Now that is precious.

:) Tiny... *snickers* you really know how to boost the man's morale.. and public reputation!

LOVE it!

Amy said...

I just found out that my 6'0'' husband, who has been claiming 150 pounds since we met and who eats about 6000 calories a day and never exercises if he can help it, actually weighs 144, which means that I surpassed him during pregnancy. Fortunately we don't own a scale or a gym membership, so we have no way of actually tracking our weights.

Amy said...

mmmm....yeah...I surpass my husband every single day...by ten pounds.

I don't mind one bit (that was sarcastic)

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

LMAO! Tiny! That is great! I bet he will be super excited to work out with you from now on ;)

carrie said...

I was just on vacation with my husband and in-laws. The intent wasn't for this vacation to be an eating marathon, but it ended up being that. We ate constantly.

Towards the end of the vacation we happened upon on scale. I weighed myself and found I had gained 5 pounds. But relief soon came when each member of our group also weighed 5 pounds more. So, clearly the scale was wrong.

Well, crap. I just got home and weighed myself. I STILL weigh 5 pounds more.

So I guess all 4 of actually gained 5 pounds. I guess that's what you get for eating yourself sick every meal for 7 days.

Rob & Katy said...

amy (other amy), when i was pregnant, i'm pretty sure i surpassed my husband by, oh, 40 pounds. i outweigh him by at least 5 on a daily basis. damn jack sprat husbands!

J~mom said...

Well I got you all beat, I am several inches shorter then my husband and usually 15 pounds more. I am very slowly closing that gap. Men..grrrrr

Michemily said...

When you see that you've got readers in Manchester, that's me!