Redneck Robbery
August 15, 2007

Never say that rednecks aren't innovative. Smart? Maybe not. Innovative? You bet your step-sister's ass they are.

They use tin foil for roof repairs. They use their ride-on lawn mowers for transportation after the weekend's DUI. They use their cousin as their spouse. And most recently, they use duct tape as a disguise.

That guy up there, Casey Kazee, made the decision to rob a liquor store yesterday. In a moment of quarter-brained inspiration he decided to wrap his head in duct tape to disguise himself from security cameras. Why use a fast and easy-to-remove knee-high stocking or ski mask when you can wrap your head in the stickiest tape known to man? When your face is beet red, your eyes brows have completely vanished, and your head is covered in lint and dog hair, what in the hell are you supposed say to the cops? "Nope, not me! I didn't cover my head in duct tape sir, it's always this sticky."

Just to add some dimension to the story, Kazee pulled his shirt up over his head, imitating the world infamous 'Cornholio' character from the Beavis and Butthead cartoon. Today, the people of the United States have taken great joy in hearing local newscasters use the word 'Cornholio' over, and over again.

Kazee passionately denies that he is the duct tape bandit--who made off with two rolls of nickles. If you'd like to see this hillbilly-ghetto-super-star in action, click here.

Trust me, you want to click there.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're kidding me. News casters in the U.S. are saying "cornholio"? I wish I could see that.

Vanilla said...

I don't like to use the word mastermind lightly, but this guy might be a true criminal mastermind.

Cathy said...

After that interview, I look forward to great things from him. At the very least, I think he has a future as a regular guest on the Jerry Springer show. I just hope he has already started procreating because genius like that is born not taught. thanks for sharing but I think I might lock myself in my house for the next several years...

Jess said...

Cathy: You can be SURE that he will procreat b/c far too often, the stupid people are the ones breeding. Wait, wait, sorry, the "innovative" people.

Gawd, that is hilarious! I have to forward this to my husband. This is the sort of stuff that makes his day.

Cheryl said...

Thanks for the hilarious news story. I have to say after watching the video -- that guy is nuttier than a fruitcake! If all the criminals were this stupid, we'd have nothing to worry about.

Marcy said...

Ohhhhhhhh my. Wow. Just seeing his little interview in jail made my day LOL

I agree with Jess, and he probably already has a litter of Einsteins just waiting to show their "gifts" to society *sigh*

glitterangel said...

That is so funny, and his interview - I nearly wet myself laughing "do the math, do the homework man" ha ha.

Angela Sumner said...

roflroflrofl!!!! i just love this story!

Anonymous said...

That is so unbelievingly funny! I cant beleive that people are that Stupid. *shake my head*