Shout Outs!
August 9, 2007

It's been a while, and it's due time that I do some shouting out to my friends around the block.

The first Shout Out! goes to:

I was supposed to get $6.44 in change. Do you think I didn't notice that you only gave me $1.44? Am I really supposed to think you couldn't hear me knocking on your Plexiglas window? Well I don't, because I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that those are not noise cancelling headphones you wear. I will gitch-you, you nasty lady. I don't know when, or where, or how, but watch your back because one strategically placed banana peel with bruise your Jack-in-the-Box ass--so bad!

Glad I got that off my chest. I'm over it, I forgive you. Believe me, I could use an extra five bucks, too.

And the second Shout Out! goes out to:


Susan is a somewhat friendly reader from the Midwest, who might take mommy blogging just a tad too seriously. I like Susan because she sent me my first ever piece of fan mail, which boosted my self-esteem more than I'd like to admit. But I struggle with Susan based on the content of her letter:


I like your blog but I can't help but think some of your stories are made up. Also, you come across as being quite negative at times...blah, blah, blah, etc.


I would like to take this opportunity to respond to Susan.

Dear Susan,

Thank you for your email. I like having fans, even when they're not so adoring. I must disagree with you when it comes to your comment regarding my negativity. Rather, I would term myself a realist.

For example, yesterday James attempted to flush his own hand down the toilet--repeatedly. If I were negative I would blog like this: James is trying to flush his hand. I'm cracking under the pressure, I'm unhappy in my marriage and life, and I need to get some therapy.

If I were strangely positive (as you seem to prefer), I would blog like this: Awwww! James is trying to flush his hand down the toilet :o) I'm so grateful that he's taking interest in the potty and that his developmental skills are right on track. That's m'boy! :) (o:

But since I'm a realist, I blog like this: James has been trying to flush his hand down the toilet for two hours. I'm loving the free time. Oh, and remind me to put anti-bacterial soap on my shopping list.

I would also like to set the record straight and beg your forgiveness because, yes, I make things up--all the time. I'm actually the assistant CFO of a fortune 500 company and I really love to blog in my spare time. I am a 52 year old male who makes $349,000 annually, and I'm sitting in my corner office on the 68th floor of a high rise as I type.

**Sidenote: I am single, so if you'd like to go out, just leave a comment**

It is quite true that I have a two year old son named James. However, he is a very reasonable human being, he rarely misbehaves, and he far prefers flashcards to toys. He has been potty-trained for 4+ months and has little trouble speaking in full sentences.


Roger P. McSchmidtyschnuts (stage name: Amy Lawson)


Vanilla said...

Oh CRAP! Are we not allowed to make stuff up on our blogs?

For the record Amy, I love your blog, I have actually never thought that anything you've said was made up, and I don't think you are at all negative.

Susan, you sound very negative to me.

Rob & Katy said...

dear susan,
believe it or not, amy's stories are 100% true. i spent the first 15 years of her life living one room over from her. she's as wacky in real life as she sounds online.
have a yippity-skippity sunshine blown out of your behind day!

Smith Family said...

Does Susan not have children? Stuff happens when you have kids, and believe me, you are very positive about your experiences...

Jes said...


I absolutely love your blogs, as I have said previously. I think that maybe Susan is just jealous of your writing talent and wishes that her blog was as much of a joy to read.

Keep on writing!


Rundoodle said...

To: Susan (in the midwest), stop giving Susan's a bad name... Thanx, luvya, bye. Susan (rundoodle, Atlanta)

J~mom said...

Just hopped over from Vanilla's blog and you cracked me up. I also tend to be a realist. ;>)

Grandma said...

go get you money back Amy!
Let us not be too hard on Susan. She doesn't know Amy for if she did she would know where the fine line of exaggeration comes in. Susan,it is never boring having Amy for a daughter...and I wouldn't trade her for anything...well almost anything.... depends on what it is.
And that's my gifted is he? He tries to flush his hand before putting anything else down. Amy, need Purell coupons? I'll watch for some. xo

Grandma said...

I also feel like Vanilla is part of the family. Hi Vanilla! how are you out there... how's the running going? I enjoy reading all your comments.

Patty said...

Is Susan a real person, or did you make her up? lmao...

I mean, seriously, if you were going to make up a story, would it be stories such as withdrawing $3 from your bank deposit to buy generic brand cheese puffs?! This stuff is just too good to be made up!!

Anonymous said...

Go Amy, go Amy, go Amy...
I believe your furreal because one can't MAKE this shiznit up. Well, if one could, it's hard to make it all so funny.
Thank you.
Simmer dan na, Susan.

Amy said...

Wow, I'm feeling the love today! Lots of fake hugs to all of my fake readers!!!!
This is like the best day ever.

Amy said...

Everyone knows that if you read it online it's true. Seriously.

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

I found you through Vanilla, too. Actually about a week ago and I have to say that I quite honestly have gotten really mean looks from coworkers because of how hard I laugh at your blogs...I mean, really, who could make that Fab 5 s**t up?????? ROFLMAO

Vanilla said...

Hi Grandma! The running is going well. I had a traumatic experience that I call running in the morning, but other than that it is going well.

Penny said...

Soft note to Susan (in honor of Grandma). If you really look at the guts of Amy's posts you'll see that the events she describes are quite normal and could happen to anyone.

However, Amy has a gifted way of looking at these every day occurrences and telling a story that makes the experience a fun, intelligent, and interesting read.

This post is a perfect example of that. She took a totally mundane, irrelevant topic and ran with it. I personally snorted like a pig.

Negativity and realism are so subjective. Being too much of a pollyanna is overrated anyway, KWIM?

So, just enjoy the ride.

The Carrie Collection said...

I've been meaning to bring this pessimism to your attention for some time now Amy. I appreciate you as a blog fan, but it's time we crossed that bridge... Are you happy? Why the negative vibes?
Ha! I think Susan is on the verge of a prozac overdose. I love your sweet sarcasm and hope you keep rockin' it in the free world all while Susan is screaming at you to turn down your devil rock 'n roll.

Amy said...

I hate it when I can't flush my hand down the toilet!! Tell James I feel his pain.
I'm Amy by the way, sister of the notorious Vanilla (that's not something I readily admit, so you should feel special)

I believe every one of your blogs... you can't make this stuff up!

Angela Sumner said...

amy i never doubted your posts or your perception as a realist for one moment!!!
i'm a mum too - i have 4 kids - twins aged 22 months and boys aged 3 and 9 - so i totally relate to much of your blogging - even the church related stuff as i know a whole lot of mormons ! your blog is just sooo well written and highly amusing - one of my faves :)

Jen said...

Just started reading (and enjoying) your blog and all I can say is Here's to realism in Mommy blogging! 'Cause if you can't laugh about it, well, you might as well flush your hand down the toilet. Or something like that. : )

Mandy said...

I realize no one has commented on this blog post since last August .... I am a bit late to party and after having read the Q&A section I simply had to come over see what the susan thing was

THANK YOU .... its nice to know there are other realists out there ...;)