October 11, 2007
Everyone loves my mother.
If you quickly glance above, you'll see a picture of my mom dressed up as a giant birthday present--tissue paper and all. Does your mother ever dress like a life-sized gift?
My mom drives a sleek, black Jetta by day and a convertible, antique sports car by night. Does your mother do that?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
My mom often gets accused of being sloppy drunk at weddings when she's ingested nothing but two Diet Cokes and a cocktail wiener. Does that happen to your mother? Does your sober mom get cut off by the waiter?
Mmmm, I don't think she does.
When I was fourteen years old, my mom mistakenly sent me to my cousin's bachelorette party. She thought it would be like a bridal shower. Nope, not so much. I lost my innocence that day, as the party featured edible underoos, four chocolate peenies (in varying sizes), and a stripper who bore a striking resemblance to Richard Simmons. Did your mom ever make that mistake?
No, no, I'm quite sure she didn't.
Does your mom email you ten to twelve times daily, to relay messages like these?
The YOU'RE ALWAYS ON MY MIND email: "I had a dream James was on a quick space shuttle trip w/ the president and we were waiting on this runway for him to land! xo"
The I'M EXASPERATED BY YOUR FATHER email: "I'm having fun as dad is making me look up winged ants online....now he is in the shower..so should I read and study all 258,000 articles...xo"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
I LOVE YOU A MILLION!