You Might Need a Vacation if...

November 18, 2007

I was driving home from an appointment this afternoon on I-30W through Dallas. James was at a friend's house, I was a few minutes late to pick him up, and traffic was heavy. Just as things began to move, a minivan full of elderly women merged in front of me and proceeded to crawl along at 38 miles per hour.

As nice as they seemed, I sincerely didn't want to find myself sitting in their third row of seats, so I held my breath and mashed on the breaks. Luckily, I didn't rear end them, and now that I was only two inches behind their rear bumper, I was finally able to read that darned bumper sticker--how convenient.

It said: I'M GLAD TO BE PRESBYTERIAN, and it featured a lovely graphic of a smiling goldfish.

Well great. I couldn't very well beep and curse and rage at a car full of elderly Presbyterians. Elderly vegetarians? Maybe. Super old magicians? Sure. But aged Presbyterian ladies? Certainly not.

So in the comfort and privacy of my own Toyota wagon I screamed, "I'M GLAD YOU'RE PRESBYTERIAN, TOO! BUT LEARN HOW TO DRIVE THAT DAMN BIG-RIG OF YOURS!"

And then, as I passed them on the right, I smiled and waved as kindly as I possibly could. If there was a universal hand signal for Presbyterianism, I totally would have flashed it. But unfortunately, there's not.

As soon as they were out of sight, which took--oh--about one seventh of a second considering their speed, I honked, I cursed, and I raged. At no one at all. It felt fantastic.

Ohmicrap. I need a vacation.

12 comments:

P.O.M. said...

Ha ha.
My grandparents have a sticker that says "Presbyterians are good people."

Well, they may be good, but they sure are not good drivers either. (Maybe that's where I get it from??)

J~mom said...

So is there a vacation coming?

Grandma said...

a van of very slow-moving nice old ladies poses the same danger as a crazy speeder!

J~mom said...

BTW, I am so stealing that...ohmicrap..love it!

Amy said...

JMom...actually, there is an extended vacation coming! After graduation, Jared, James and I are taking a few months and hanging out at the coast. I can't wait. I'm counting the days!

chattypatra said...

And...THAT'S why I didn't let my father get a driver's license when we moved here. If we lived in a small town with a population of 300, maybe; in the big city - NO.

Jess said...

Here in South Florida, there are buss loads of elderly people. Literally bus loads. But I don't know their religion. I'm not sure if it better enables/disables their ability to drive for miles in the right hand lane at 30 miles an hour with their left blinker on.

MB said...

Must have been something in the air today. My sister and brother-in-law got cut off and hit by a crazy woman who took off at high speed up Rt. 1 (crazy busy). Luckily there was enough traffic they were able to catch up and she eventually pulled over. She told the police she stopped but it was 3-4 miles down the road. There are some crazy people out there. Glad you didn't end up in the back seat with the Presbyterians.

How was the zoo?

The Roberts' Report said...

what an amazing amount of restraint you have. just wait until James starts repeating EVERYTHING you say. then you'll really start to feel trapped!

Sue said...

I hate hate hate hate hate driving on the freeway. I don't have to do it much anymore so when I do now, it scares the CRAP out of me, and I am totally that car moving at 54 miles per hour in the far right hand lane. People HATE me.

Anonymous said...

What the heck is a Presbyterian?

Penny said...

Road rage is not good Amy! Take a deep breath. Bad stress. Bad, bad stress. Althought I do agree with grandma.

That vacation sounds very exciting. Two months - outstanding!