We Made It

Christmas Eve 2007

We did it, we survived, and we're finally home in New England. After three-and-a-half days in a Penske rental truck, believe me when I tell you that I couldn't be any happier. There's just something magical about being back home. And there's something even more magical in being freed from the stench of Chinese-food-egg-farts, in a truck cab, on a long and lonely stretch of highway.

Last night, when I went to pick up a pizza, I was greeted by a bearded cook, who was high on marijuana, wearing a Red Sox hat, and a t-shirt that said "Don't blame me--I voted for Nader." Honestly guys, the classic New England granolaness of the scene brought a tear to my eye. "There's no place like home," I thought. "There's no freaking place like home."

Tonight, as I sit and ponder the miracle of the federal highway system and the BK Whopper, I would like to extend a few "shout outs" to some key players of our pilgrimage.

To Jeff Foxworthy: I love the CD that you recorded way back in '89. I picked it up for $7.99 at a Tennessee truck stop, and I laughed my pooper off for two hours straight. Mr. Foxworthy, you are a genius.

To the woman at the same Tennessee truck stop: I also fancied the faux lion head. I am in complete agreement--I think it will look fabulous in your "drinkin' shed."

To the proprietor of The Budget Inn in Bristol, VA: Unless new wallpaper in 1994 is considered "recently remodeled" in your next of the woods, you my dear, are a bold faced liar. PS...my dog took a dump in your goldfish pond.

To the prostitute at the travel stop in New Jersey: I am speechless.

And to my fellow Burger King consumer: Yo. I honestly assumed that you were planning to feed your entire family with that order. Two triple Whoopers, a twelve-piece chicken fries, one apple pie, two orders of onion rings, and an orange drink?! I sincerely hope that you've included me in your will--because I could use a small inheritance in the next few weeks.

In the spirit of the holiday, I must sign off. I apologize for the short post, but I still have one Tip n' Toot Tractor, two tubes of toothpaste, and four cases of windshield washer fluid to wrap.

Merry Christmas, Troops!

14 comments:

Julie said...

Merry Christmas, Amy! Congratulations on your safe journey back to New England! I am a fellow New Englander...from Massachusetts. Glad you are back on this side of the country!

Hilary said...

So glad you're home safe and sound. Have a great Christmas and give that little curly-headed sweetie of your an extra hug for us.

Anonymous said...

if you like jeff foxworthy check out this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suqWNk1vi0o

Busy Little Bee said...

Welcome back to the east coast! I can't wait to see you when I get back from Florida! I don't look forward to seeing all the snow, though. Blech. I'll see you soon!

Liligurl said...

Happy Holidays, glad you made it to New England safely. Welcome back to the best part of the country!!!!

J~mom said...

Glad you made it there safe and sound! I could use a little more granola and a little less LA wanna-be around here. ;>)

Cheryl said...

So glad to hear you guys made it home safely! Sounds like your trip was very interesting.

I think the frozen north has thawed a little just to welcome you back. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Mary said...

Merry Christmas!! Love that Classic New England granolaness! Glad you made a safe trip. We will miss you.

sue and toad said...

Merry Christmas! One of the two falling off toe nails finally dislodged as an extra special christmas treat for me today. I thought I'd make a christmas ornament out of and send it to you as a sweet little marathon momento...what's your address, I'll get it to you right away :-)

Penny said...

Woohoo! You made it. Contrats. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas.

Grandma said...

she's baaack!!!

Michemily said...

Hey, I love the little things you noticed to share with everyone. Good work.

Brandon Harshe said...

Congrats on being home. It feels freakin' great doesn't it?

Glad you're safe and out of the fart-laden truck! :D

January said...

I'm so happy for you guys. I bet you really are thrilled to be back. I'd love to visit your neck of the woods sometime and see what it's really all about. You guys talked about it like it was another level of heaven. LOL ;-)