January 23, 2008
I’ve got a few items of business to cover on this lovely winter morning.
First, I’d like to say hello to all of my new readers and commenters out there. It’s really very nice to see a few new faces in those tiny little boxes next to the comments. I’ve noticed that you all have exceptionally nice hair. Keep up the good work.
Second, I’d like to say hello to all of my old cyber friends out there. I’m sorry if it seems like I’ve lost touch lately—I have. Tragically, I’m without an internet connection at home these days. It’s absolutely horrible and I can barely believe it myself. In order to read and post blogs I’ve been sitting in my station wagon, in the dead of winter, in the parking lot of a Chinese restaurant, poaching their wireless signal. To top it all off, my laptop battery carries about thirty-three minutes on a full charge.
Before you get carried away with your crying, I’m happy to inform you that there is hope—we found a house, and our offer has been accepted. It’s a nice house, suitable for grown-ups, and we’re very excited about it. This place has a dishwasher that works, windows that open and close, and enough wall space for my impressive collection of Beyonce posters—because she really is bootylicious. It also has a nice, sturdy garage that will suitably protect my ’89 Blazer from the harsh winter elements, and a finished basement that tends to bring Hell to mind. You know—dark wood paneling from the ‘70’s, bright red carpet, and the creepiest looking wood stove you’ve ever seen. When we were looking at the house, the agent was like, “What do you think of the woodstove?” And I was all, “Uuummmm. It looks like something out of the scary part of a Disney movie. Like you could throw all of the misbehaving furniture into it.” He looked at me with a very confused expression and replied, “So you don’t like it then?” And I was like, “No. Why would you think that? I totally like it.”
And finally, this is the last item of business on my list today. Please note, that even in the most casual of offices, it is never appropriate to sign emails to your boss’s boss with the terms “Stay Cool” or “Over and Out.” Although I haven’t received confirmation on this, I feel it’s safe to assume that you should avoid the phrase “Smell Ya Later” as well.