Perks

January 21, 2008

Guess what I’m doing today.

I’m sitting in a recliner, twirling my greyhound’s fur, eating chocolate-covered cherries, and GETTING PAID FOR IT! Can you believe that?! I’m also watching Days of Our Lives and GETTING PAID FOR IT! And—oh yeah—I’m bossing my husband around like a drill sergeant with PMS….and I’M GETTING PAID FOR IT!

I’m sure that 99% of you are also enjoying a paid day off, but in case you haven’t caught on, this current gig is the first ‘real job’ I’ve ever had, and the benefits are blowing my freaking mind. So play along, okay?

I hope you’ll excuse the boasting, but here’s a list of the employment perks that are entirely responsible for the pee running down my inner thigh:

Health insurance that is accepted by a number of reputable, licensed medical practitioners within fifty miles of my dwelling place.
Life insurance with a hefty enough payout to purchase glitter (to decorate my casket), a new resting outfit from the Gap (not from the clearance rack), and three Dunkin’ Donut (to cheer up my grieving husband).
Paid holidays.
Paid vacation days.
A flexible schedule.
Unrestricted use of the department’s hard hat.
And—get this—an employer matched, tax deferred investment plan (whatever in the hell that means).

Ok, I know what you’re thinking… “Hate to break it to you, Amy, but I get all of those benefits, too. And so does everyone else in the world.” Yes, I know. Most gown-ups work a job with a benefit or two, but this is a first for me, and I’m feeling very, very important.

After all, my last job was as a babysitter—I changed poo, broke up toddler fights, and my only benefit was unrestricted access to the contents of someone else’s refrigerator. And prior to that, I spent a few months working in a doctor’s office. We had no paid vacation, no sick time, and—believe it or not—no health coverage. We did, however, get a 25% discount on pizza from the restaurant next door, half priced vitamins, and an occasional view of the outdoors when we were instructed to wash the boss’s car. I hated that job.

I know full well that work tends to fall on the sucky side of the spectrum, but excuse me just this once, as I have a happy little question for you today—what’s your very favorite employment benefit? Do you have access to a company car? Do you have a smokin’ hot secretary? Are you encouraged to drink three vodka-tonics at every business lunch?

Go ahead and force yourself to look at the bright side, because I want to hear all about your very favorite perks.

Happy Martin Luther King Day, troops!

30 comments:

Sarah said...

My favourite perk in my job (which I exercised on Friday afternoon) is my ability to work from home if I feel like it. They equip us all with laptops just in case it happens. So Friday afternoon I lounged in the sunlight of my living room (instead of the fluorescent glow from my cube bulb) in my pj's and worked the afternoon away.

Oh and our Christmas shut down is pretty cool too - we had 2 weeks off this pas Christmas!

Thea said...

Oh, that sounds heavenly! I'd have to say my favorite work perks are:

- free dental (I work in a dental office, and let me tell you, both my husband and I have made liberal use of this perk during the last four years.)

- paid vacation (3 weeks a year!)

- all the craft supplies I can handle, delivered directly to the front desk. That's right - my employers let me make paper snowflakes and elaborate "Back at 1:00" signs for our hour-long lunch breaks, all while I'm on the clock. Plus there's an old typewriter up front that I can use whenever I want to. It's great.

Heather said...

I think my favorite perk is the free gym. We have a small gym on site with three treadmills, an elliptical machine, a step mill and a bike, and a full set of dumbbells and weight machines. It's downstairs from where I work, and it's friggin awesome.

The other perk is business travel expenses are never, ever questioned.

Sue said...

Work from home flexibility. I usually go into the office for a few hours, go home and then work at night after the kids are in bed. And free hot cocoa. The stock options aren't bad either.

Michemily said...

I miss my blackberry! I also loved that my boss totally let me abuse the flexibility of my hours. Of course, I probably shouldn't have worked over time, but there were days when I'd go in really early and leave really early and it was all good. Or I'd work all day Saturday so I could have the next Friday off. Awesome. I guess my mini-job now is nice because I don't have to actually go anywhere, but then it's hard to get motivated.

Marc and Megan said...

Well, I gotta hand it to you... you have reason to celebrate with perks like those. I quit my lame office job about 4 months ago. But, before that, the best perk? Honestly, it was having the thermostat right next to my desk and being able to control it... well, until the Dr. would come out, swearing under his breath, and turn it off completely. I guess he didn't like me adjusting the temperature. :)

Rhien Family said...

oh, I think all-you-can-eat chocolate, candy, and soda.

That's one of the more fun job perks I've had.

Rob & Katy said...

The ability to wear my pajamas all I want.

Amy said...

Ha ha. The best perk of my job is that I get to take a nap every afternoon (as long as the kid continues to do so). In fact, my husband regularly doubles my salary (which is defined as 100% of everything the gov't lets him keep).

As for Paul's favorite perk, however, he couldn't decide between three free gourmet meals a day or the birthday table massages. Tough to be a Googler.

Cheryl said...

My favorite job perks are: all the dog walking I care to do, unlimited potty breaks, and free access to the treadmill in the basement... as a SAHUP (stay at home unemployed person).

Christy said...

I just randomly found your blog and think you are hilarious!

My favorite perk of my job is the fact that I never have to set an alarm to get up (I don't work until 3 p.m.). Some people may disagree and say that working a late shift sucks, but I highly disagree seeing as how I am NOT a morning person. I get to sleep in until whenever I want...every day. Oh, and I get to watch all my favorite TV shows while I'm plugging away putting together a daily paper.

Grandma said...

summer!!!

CollegeGirl said...

I'm a 21 year old college student who works at the campus library. I have no perks.

Oh wait. I got $5 coupon book to Mickey D's for Christmas. Woot woot!!

One day though...

P.O.M. said...

Oh now look who's gettin' all excited about a retirement plan. I remember a gal who scoffed at my excitement once.

Let's see - my fav perk is travel to fantastic locations, getting hook ups on travel and staying at fancy hotels and eating fancy food :)

J~mom said...

My current job is working part time at Gymboree so I am going to say free play classes for the little tyke and a 30% discount on clothes. WOOHOO!

alanaransley said...

I'm a teacher, so only working 187 days a year is pretty sweet. On the flip side, we only get 7 paid days off during the school year before they dock us lots of money per day...(I just came off 12 weeks of maternity leave, so I won't get a paycheck again for a while.)

Patricia said...

My favorite perk is when I get free crackers and juice after my plasma donation.

Niki said...

Free loot. I work for a retail eyecare center and the vendors love to give us free product. Frames, lenses, novelty contacts, etc. And all the free eye exams a girl could want.

I'd trade it all, though, for paid sick time.

Erin said...

My current favorite job perk - traveling for business, eating a huge variety of meals from a huge variety of restaurants, and getting to have 2 alcoholic beverages with each dinner - all paid by the company. Sadly, I am going home on Friday to return to my PB&J and Ramen diet. *sigh*

MorseyRuns said...

Free movies, half price Macdonalds, free public transport, 9 weeks leave a year. Don't ask me to list the negatives....

KT said...

Long time reader - first time comment poster - and just so you know - I LOVE reading your blog!

My favorite perk of my job - everyone is really friendly at work - it's like they all love working here - which I must say, is a rarity! Plus meeting professional athletes doesn't hurt either:-)

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

Working from home where I get to have lunch with the Gilmore Girls EVERY day and 4 weeks vacation.

Bahston Beans said...

Unrestricted internet, which means I get to read your blog as much as I want! (Please tally up my suck up points.)

Charlotte said...

I get to work in my underwear if I so choose.

Jess said...

Because I work in higher ed, they really encourage us to seek out programs of study and other professional development stuff, so my college pays for all kinds of research, education, trips to conferences, etc. It's awesome.

Cathy said...

My employer will put 3% into a retirement plan without you matching anything and then go up to 8% with you putting in $.

They also have a rocking dependent tuition benefit. the give $$ if your child goes to this university or ANY university!! Woo hoo Only 14 years and 9 months 'til I can take advantage of that one!!

Amy said...

I can burp freely in my office. Fart, too, but I try to be a little more discreet with that.

We work at a separate site, so no boss looking over our shoulder. Ever.

Barbaloot said...

I get to go to school for free. That'd be great if I actually wanted to go back to school. Now I just feel guilty for not taking advantage.

Mamacita Chilena said...

My favorite perk is that I get paid to do for a living what everybody else does for fun-blog!

Seriously, the best part is making my own hours, taking a day off if I feel like, a nap if I need one, etc. It's the BEST job I've ever had.

Jessica Schessler said...

Well, let's see.. I work at an airport for an airline, but since I am technically a city employee I get no flight benefits. No insurances, no vacation, etc..

I DID get something for "employee appreciation" though! A coupon for $1 off a sub at Quizno's when I buy a medium soda!