Happy New Year!

January 1, 2008

Happy New Year, everyone! I'm not sure how you rang in 2008, but I celebrated by watching my one hundred pound brother-in-law do a killer back flip off the roof of his parents' house at the stroke of midnight. He was wearing nothing but long johns and a homemade tank top that sported the slogan "Happy New Year Suckers."

We capped off the night by testing a canine shock collar on my innocent, sleeping husband. And just in case you're wondering, a shock collar set to "7" does in fact pack enough punch to make a full grown Mormon man swear like an eighth grade sailor.

I have a sneaking suspicion that 2008 is going to be one of my best years ever. Yes, I'm basing this assumption entirely on recent fortune cookie readings, but they've been unbelievably accurate as of late, so cut me a frigging break.

For example, on opening day of baseball season, my fortune said: YOUR SPORTS TEAM WILL EXPERIENCE GREAT SUCCESS THIS YEAR. And then, several months later, the Sox went all the way to win the World Series in a four game stomping. Trust me folks, the little strip of paper containing that bit of optimistic confidence has been archived into my "Thank You Very Much" file.

And get a load of this...the night before Jared's graduation, my fortune cookie said: A FOUR WHEELED ADVENTURE WILL SOON BRING YOU GREAT JOY. Well, we moved across the country in a Budget rental truck, and so far I'm simply spitting with joy. That crappin' little cooking was right again. Dang!

And on that very same night--I kid you not--Jared's fortune said: YOU WOULD BE HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL AS A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. Maybe my mother-in-law rigged that cookie, I don't know. But either way it's convinced me that things are looking up, and some where, down the road, Jared Lawson will finally earn a paycheck. Hallelujah.

Allow me to leave you with one more fantastically encouraging experience. This afternoon, as I sauntered through my in-laws' kitchen wearing my Alf slippers and my 2008 tiara, I spotted a heaping pile of--what else?--fortune cookies. With a happy little prayer in my heart, I selected one from the middle of the pile, split it in half, and removed this miniature note of encouragement: YOUR TALENTS WILL BE RECOGNIZED AND SUITABLY REWARDED. As I read those words, I honestly had to fight back a tear or two. After I pulled myself together, I clasped that fortune in my hand, held my fist against my heart and thought, "I'm gonna win thirty-five bucks in a pie eating contest. How fantastic!"

According to the almighty power of Chinese superstition, the Lawsons are about to hit the big time. It's only been twenty-one hours, but so far, I'm really loving 2008.

Oh, and I think my New Year's resolution is pretty flapping obvious--I'm trying to lay off the Chinese food.
Happy New Year everyone!

22 comments:

Barbaloot said...

I wish mine were as accurate as yours seem to be. My last one said, "You will inherit a large sum of money." That was quite a while ago, and I've yet to have a rich relative or acquaintance pass on.

Jennifer said...

Happy new year, Amy! Many adventures await us this year!! (And that is a fortune that is bound to come true!)

P.O.M. said...

Maybe this will be the year you start/finish your book!

2008 is Great!

Melinda said...

Happy New Year! We tried the shock collar on my brother once... the weird thing is that he willingly let us put it on him and try. He didn't enjoy it very much.

Amy said...

My mom has a friend who once had the job of writing the fortunes for fortune cookies. You might look into that as a side job. I've always thought a good one might be "YOU WILL DIE."

Sue said...

I always get really lame fortunes that aren't really fortunes. Like "A turtle will eventually win the race." That's NOT A FORTUNE. LAME.

Yours are better. And funny. Always with the funny. Happy new Year!

Jess said...

You know you're supposed to add the phrase "in bed" to the end of fortune cookie prophesies, right?

jahowie said...

Happy New Year to you too!!

Runner Susan said...

Happy New Year!

January said...

Happy New Year Amy! Tell Jared he needs to start bring home the big bucks for ya!

Hilary said...

Happy New Year, Amy.. now please pass the cookies!

Cheryl said...

This is one of those days when I say... Poor Jared! Ouch. Kinda makes you feel sorry for the dogs who have to wear those collars, doesn't it?

Best of luck to you guys in 2008. Happy New Year!

P.S. Did the brother-in-law survive the jump?

Sarah said...

Did you REALLY test the shock collar on a sleeping Jared!?

Lainey-Paney said...

...i'm new here.

...but hey---Happy new Year!

akshaye said...

Happy New Year to all of you! And I am running out to buy a cookie for myself!

Grandma said...

May all your(good) cookies come true!

Amy said...

Sarah...Yes, we REALLY did test that collar on Jared

Lainey...welcome aboard!

Marathoner in Training said...

I have to agree with Jess.
You know you're supposed to add the phrase "in bed" to the end of fortune cookie prophesies.

CollegeGirl said...

I finally had a chance to catch up on your blog. You've been up to a lot! I hope you have a very exciting and blessed New Year!!

jkrunning said...

My hubby had one last night that said "A HUGE BURDEN WOULD WILL BE RELIEVED VIA PHONE CALL OR MAIL." This is huge since we are eagerly awaiting the promotion results.

jkrunning said...

My hubby had one last night that said "A HUGE BURDEN WOULD WILL BE RELIEVED VIA PHONE CALL OR MAIL." This is huge since we are eagerly awaiting the promotion results.

Rob & Katy said...

yo- new post... today, please (no pressure).