April 28, 2008
"How's the house coming along," they all like to ask?
Well, let me tell you how the house is coming along...
We've moved beyond the painting stage, and we're not officially entrenched in the curtain-buying stage--a stage I like even less than the apply-hemorrhoidal-ointment-three-times-daily stage.
I'm well aware that it's babyish and immature to hate buying curtains--hell, I should be happy to have windows at all--but I don't care, I still hate to do it and there ain't nuthin' that'll sway my mind.
I think I hate buying curtains so much because let's be honest here, a set of curtains can make or break the decor. Couple that with the fact that they're ridiculously over-priced and I almost never find what I have in mind, and you have the recipe for one extra-large batch of female frustration--and we all know that tastes about as good as a kick in the jaw.
And seriously ladies, I still have no damn clue what "Jacquard" means. A little bit of help would go a long way with that one.
I need to find a variety of curtains ranging in size from 14 inches to 105 inches, so let's just say that I'm not a happy girl. Everywhere I turn, the curtains seem to be completely off the mark.
What in the hell? This billowy piece of crap costs almost a hundred bucks at Pottery Barn. I'm looking to dress a window here people, not place a canopy upon my ocean-front-back-yard sexcapade bench.
And then there's crap like this:
Three rods, a set of sheers, two drapes, one very huge window scarf, and $589 later, you've lost all signs that there was ever a window under there. You may as well slap this ensemble in front of your rusted-out Chevy Caprice and tell house guests that there's a bay window with water views behind the curtains. Honestly, they'd never know the difference.
Good heavens--I want some reasonably priced curtains that open and close, and happen to be classic yet stylish. During the day I'd like to be able to watch that clumsy neighborhood girl take the occasional spill on her roller blades, and in the evening I'd like to make-out with my husband in a semi-private setting. Come now, is that too much to ask?
I hate curtain shopping.