Curtain Shopping

April 28, 2008

"How's the house coming along," they all like to ask?

Well, let me tell you how the house is coming along...

We've moved beyond the painting stage, and we're not officially entrenched in the curtain-buying stage--a stage I like even less than the apply-hemorrhoidal-ointment-three-times-daily stage.

I'm well aware that it's babyish and immature to hate buying curtains--hell, I should be happy to have windows at all--but I don't care, I still hate to do it and there ain't nuthin' that'll sway my mind.

I think I hate buying curtains so much because let's be honest here, a set of curtains can make or break the decor. Couple that with the fact that they're ridiculously over-priced and I almost never find what I have in mind, and you have the recipe for one extra-large batch of female frustration--and we all know that tastes about as good as a kick in the jaw.

And seriously ladies, I still have no damn clue what "Jacquard" means. A little bit of help would go a long way with that one.

I need to find a variety of curtains ranging in size from 14 inches to 105 inches, so let's just say that I'm not a happy girl. Everywhere I turn, the curtains seem to be completely off the mark.

For example:








What in the hell? This billowy piece of crap costs almost a hundred bucks at Pottery Barn. I'm looking to dress a window here people, not place a canopy upon my ocean-front-back-yard sexcapade bench.


And then there's crap like this:







Three rods, a set of sheers, two drapes, one very huge window scarf, and $589 later, you've lost all signs that there was ever a window under there. You may as well slap this ensemble in front of your rusted-out Chevy Caprice and tell house guests that there's a bay window with water views behind the curtains. Honestly, they'd never know the difference.

Good heavens--I want some reasonably priced curtains that open and close, and happen to be classic yet stylish. During the day I'd like to be able to watch that clumsy neighborhood girl take the occasional spill on her roller blades, and in the evening I'd like to make-out with my husband in a semi-private setting. Come now, is that too much to ask?

I hate curtain shopping.

20 comments:

audgepodge said...

Ah, curtain shopping is definitely a pain. I found some good stuff at Bed, Bath, and Beyond when I went through it. It helps if you save up those 20% off coupons, too, you can use as many as you want (1 per item of course) even when they're expired!

Also, if you do get the sheer ones, those are cheap at Target, Ikea, etc.

Lindsey said...

Make 'em! I did my first sewing project EVER and made curtains. Someone will help you. I am so happy I did. I LOVE THEM! You will be much happier if you do! :)

jkrunning said...

When we lived up there. (on the Portsmouth shipyard) our house had 22 windows!! Talk about curtain hell.

Target is my best friend. Ikea is good too. Don't they have a new one in Boston?

seven said...

Jacquard just means that they have a pattern woven into them, whether it's multicolored like a tapestry, or just a weaving pattern that's the same color, like damask fabric.

And curtain shopping is the devil. That's why I have just a big piece of crinkly fabric that I bought at Goodwill folded in half over a curtain rod in my bedroom. I feel your pain.

J~Mom said...

Target...check out Target fo sho!!

Grandma said...

The first time I ever bought a set of curtains I got in the car all happy about it and then realized I needed 2 "sets" because there were 2 windows in the room. OK I know that sounds dumb, but I was young...very young. You had to be there.

Patti said...

I can totally relate. I've been in this house almost 9 years and I STILL don't have curtains in my bathroom window. I have a shade, but no curtains!

P.O.M. said...

You lost me with this one.

Emily Murdock said...

AMEN! I thought I was the only one, Amy. Actually, my problem is not just finding the ones I like, it's getting the time/energy/give-a-crap to take down the sheets and actually hang the curtains.
Perhaps this is why people don't visit. Hmmm.

The Roberts' Report said...

Hear, hear! It's way to expensive to put up some fabric over a window. A total pain. I did one for a LONG window that include 3 sets of windows. Check out one of my decor blogs to see...I just used these window "sconces" and bought some fabric at Joanns (hemmed it) and slid it through these holes. Totally easy and cheap!!

Amy said...

I hate all home decor projects because I have no sense of style at all. Instead of curtains in my living room I have a screen made out of wood and food-grade parchment paper. Sounds crazy, works for me. Although in October someone commented on my "cool Halloween decoration."

Sarah said...

Here's my advice. As long as you're not morally opposed to shopping at Walmart go there. They have pretty stylish stuff for cheaper than anywhere else. And generally when you see the word Jacquard you end up getting something out of your great grandma's home decor so I'd just steer clear of that all together.

Amy said...

OH. MY. GOSH. I'm so glad I'm not alone on this!
I cried in the curtain section of Bed Beth and Beyond yesterday...really, I did.

January said...

Hi Amy! Just want to pop by and say hi! About Sunbeams...you are so bad! Just think. If you guys are still there in January (if you haven't killed yourself) you'll be teaching James class!!!! Cool. LOL

VerWaynia said...

A few recommendations...IKEA - always, JC Penny - they have pretty reasonable prices and they're selection is decent, Bed Bath & Beyond - for the basics because you can use the 20% coupon, and grommets - we love the grommets!

Holly said...

Once I sewed a curtain...it sucked (the experience and the curtain).

Try smartbargains dot com and overstock dot com for curtain deals. I love being able to sit on my butt while I shop!

Cheryl said...

I have no curtain advice, as I am definitely not a decorator. Still have up the frilly 70's curtains that came with my house. :-( Blech!

I just wanted to say... thanks for another totally hilarious post that had me laughing till the tears ran down my face!

chattypatra said...

You should call those people from that show "Design on a Dime". Actually, don't. The show should be called "Crap on a Dime".

I'd try Overstock first, then Target. Is there a KMart nearby? Maybe there's something cute in the Martha Stewart section. Or is that gone? Hum...I think she moved to Macy's. I honestly don't know!

Sorry that I can't be much help.

Sarah said...

I buy curtains at Bouclair - relatively inexpensive, sensible, all kinds of different patterns and you can buy matching pillows!!

I don't know if they have them in the U.S. though.

Sue said...

Yeah - curtains come in three flavors - grandma, pottery barn, and Just NO. I wish you good luck in your qwest. Curtains SUCK.