A Day in the Life

April 2, 2008


I know, I know. It’s been almost a week since my last post. That’s a record for me.

I hope you’ll forgive me for my recent lack of activity, because things have been straight-up crazies in this corner of the world. Not only have we moved into our new house, but Jared’s practice is so close to completion that I can almost taste the BioFreeze. On top of that I’m transitioning to a different job (fewer hours, better pay!), and I’m not really sure where my two-year-old is--but rest assured, he’s bound to turn up somewhere.


Other interesting tidbits in my life are as follows:


My childhood home is going on the market today. After 25 years of faithful service, my Mom and Dad have decided to hang a “For Sale” sign and move on to greener pastures. I’ll miss that place, and all of the happy memories--I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I snuck out that second story window and shimmied down the drainpipe in the dead of the night.


Good news on the Lawson front. My brother-in-law is now engaged to the girl of my dreams, and I couldn’t be happier! They’ve been dating for almost a year, which is ridiculously long for us Mormon folks. Seriously, if they had followed the Standard Mormon Timetable (SMT—it’s a real thing) their one-year anniversary would be just around the corner and they’d already have a carseat in the back of their Corolla. But who am I to speak? If I had followed the SMT, I’d have a baby in my bed and a fetus in my belly. All I've got is an almost-three-year-old who has an ongoing love affair with diapers.


My friend Vanilla over at Half-Fast recently wrote a blog post about those slick, slimy, target-on-their-arse people the world likes to call chiropractors. Let me tell you, it was so funny that I laughed for a couple of hundred of thousands of seconds--you know, a second for every dollar of student loan debt that Jared is in as a result of chiropractic school. My response to Vanilla's post is simple: I RUN FASTER THAN YOU. MUCH FASTER, IN FACT.


April Fools Day sucked. My friend walked into my office and slapped a florescent green parking ticket on the edge of my desk. “Twenty-five bucks,” he said. I shot him the classic ‘I’m a city-employee, and I’m not amused by you’ look and said, “Mmmmm hmmmm,” assuming it was an April Fools trick. Well, it wasn’t. Based on that experience, I’d like to extend the following message to Officer Friendly: I USED TO THINK YOU WERE SO HOT THAT YOUR UNIFORM WOULD FIZZLE OFF YOUR FRAME. NOW I THINK YOU’RE JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO PUDGY.

I was in a strange mood last night and had the irresistible urge to spend money on cheap crap, so I went to the best cheap crap store on the Eastern sea board--the Christmas Tree Shop. When I walked through the automatic doors, my eyes immediately fell upon a fake bird, in a fake cage, that chirped a fake song. Two associates, one ladder, and $1.99 later, I was the proud new owner of a creepy little styrofoam pigeon. I already threw him away--that bird sucked and I hated it.

And that's that troops--a day in the life of Amy. Have a good one!

15 comments:

Rhien Family said...

"I already threw him away--that bird sucked and I hated it."

I'm seriously glad that you bought that bird. It made my day to hear about it. I needed to laugh for no good reason, and your blog is always good for cheering me up when I need a laugh.

Lindsey said...

Hmm, I have moved 6 times in the last 8 years... Isn't it GREAT????But here is a tip for you. When you move, you are supposed to CLEAN OUT your crap... not buy new crap.

Hurricane said...

Don't you just love a bargain?

I will not/can not/won't be the only one who thought of that while reading your blog....

Jess said...

Thank you for the explanation of SMT. I think you should add that to Wikipedia. We could all use more cultural information about the ways and means of Mormons. :)

Vanilla said...

Well, I might not be as fast a runner as you are, but at least I’m fast about mailing out my Christmas letter! Seriously, where is it? Am I the only one who didn’t get one yet or is everyone else still waiting for theirs too? If I don’t get one soon I’m going to start rioting and looting in this here comments section!

Rob & Katy said...

Vanilla- OH SNAP!
(I'm still waiting for my magnet)

Michemily said...

May I just say that I love your posts? They never fail to amuse me. I visited a friend recently who said, "I'd forgotten how easily amused you are. That's a good thing." I think you're also one of those random, easily-amused people. We're hard to come by, but we sure have fun.

The Roberts' Report said...

It's a good thing that you're working less hours and finally getting a house of your own. I was beginning to worry you were permanately going to act pissed off!
Oh and screw student loans....there like gum on the bottom of a shoe. Annoying, a pain to remove and a constant reminder of what goes around comes around! (food for thought!)

Brianna said...

Congrats on the new job. How'd you swing such a sweet deal?!

Don't worry about the knee biter - I bet he'll turn up when he's hungry. That's when mine comes out of hiding. :)

jkrunning said...

I can't not even express in words how much I miss The Christmas Tree shops.

Grandma said...

Oh too bad you threw out the fake bird. I could've added it to your pile of unclaimed merchandise in the attic here!

Kadi, John and girls said...

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the most wonderful State you could ever live in!!!!!! Congrats on your new home and Jared's almost completed practice. Also thanks for filling us in on Dan's engagement! That's awesome!

Bahston Beans said...

The bird would have made an excellent Christmas gift. I think my Mom would have loved it. Go pull it out of the trash.

Bertie said...

I think your blog is hilarious! My sister, Amy Breeden, told me about it! That's great- I love the scary pigeon buy! LOL!

turtle said...

hahahaha.