Dear Uncle Sam...

April 7, 2008

People have been staring at me lately. Perhaps it's the cartoon caption that's been lazily floating over my head for the last few months. It says: SHE HASN'T DONE HER TAXES YET. I've gotten 1,001 email reminders from Turbo Tax, I've heard the H&R Block commercials on the radio, and honestly, I wish they'd all just put a lid on it. I'm well aware that I'm an unmotivated sack of procrastination, and I certainly don't need some voice-over rubbing lemonade in the wound over and over and over again.


Whenever the tax topic comes up in conversation, people tend to have the same reaction: "You haven't done your taxes yet? Wow, you must owe some money this year!"


Well, not exactly. Thanks to the fact that Jared and I were both graduate students, parents to an afro puff with legs, and ridiculously broke in 2007, we're actually getting a pretty sizable refund. Based on our situation, we're able to deduct our educational expenses, we qualify for some kind of Earned Income Credit, the Child Tax Credit, and I'm not totally sure on this, but I think we're also eligible for the '89 Blazer Credit and the Damn Girl! Get Yourself a New Pair of Jeans! Credit.


Just like 97.8% of my fellow countrymen, I could really use a four-digit check from Uncle Sam. After all, there are bills to pay, birthday presents to buy, and Ding-Dongs to purchase. But unlike 97.8% of my American brothers and sisters, I haven't carved out the ninety minutes that are necessary to claim my small fortune.


If you're super responsible and filed your return on January 2nd, then puh-lease spare me the comments that express ideas like: "You could have earned interest on that money!" or "You just made a short-term loan to the government!" Have you ever stopped to consider that fact that I prefer to have an anorexic balance in my checking account? Perhaps I'm a generous person and it fills me up with love when I let the feds have temporary access to my rightful cash. Chew on that, people. Chew on that.


Fortunately, our most recent credit card bill in combination with the looming April 15th deadline has lit one hell of a campfire under my tooter, and I'm ready to buckle down and claim some cash. Yahooters for doing taxes!


So my question of the day is this...Are there any other dilly-dallying tax slugs out there? If so, give me a shot of self-esteem and make yourselves known.

38 comments:

Topher said...

Funny stuff. Did you catch Pres. Monson's story at conference yesterday? He said his wife had been in a 27-day coma earlier this year, and the first thing she said when she came around was "I didn't send in our taxes!"

Jess said...

Sorry, I am one of "those" who filed and had my return by the second week in Feb. I was eager for that money, dangit.

Kristen said...

Nope haven't done mine either AND I have a refund of $107... I know!!! I could like, fill up my gas tank twice.

Vanilla said...

If it were up to me our taxes would never get done, but my wife is one of those super-organized types. Our refund is but a distant memory at this point.

Hilary said...

Oh.. it's April? Hmmm time to start Christmas shopping.. I'm only four months late this time!

Yup.. totally sluggish here.

Danielle said...

I am a super slacker. I've actually HAD mine done for a few weeks, but haven't mailed it in yet. I hate the post office. We're getting close to 5 digits back, so you'd think I'd be motivated!?! Did I mention that I hate the post office...

Sarah said...

I haven't done mine yet...but I decided to take a sick day tomorrow and just do all the things I have been totally slack on lately...taxes and bills included!

Maureen78 said...

I'm actually late filing this year- I like to get it done in March, at the latest. However, I learned this year that there was a mixup with my withholding status at work, and I'm afraid I actually owe the gov't this year. So I've been holding out until I have the money in my account to turn right over to the Feds. Sigh. It's a sad year.

VerWaynia said...

Well, I'd usu be one of those people that'd say, "are you crazy, get your money!" But this year we were preoccupied and didn't get ours filed until March. I sat on our return for a long time hoping more "charitable giving" receipts would magically appear.

Brianna said...

My hubby has had them 99% finished since Jan, but is waiting for us to visit the accountant to see if there's another deduction we can take for our small business that would make even an ounce more of a refund for us. After spending the last two years' returns on tree removal (ugh - big, dead trees are EXPENSIVE to get rid of!), we're looking forward to something more fun like . . . painting the exterior of the house . . . and a bit more return could make the difference between using old brushes or splurging for new ones! Ha - we live an exciting life!

Happy returns to you!

carla said...

physically fit? yes

fiscally fit? no

Im right there with ya'

Cheryl said...

Thanks for the reminder! It's time to run down to the IRS office and pick up my usual extension form. Then I can continue to procrastinate until August. You are not alone in your slacking! :-)

Rhien Family said...

yup- I'm in the same boat...

Taxes are not easy to do early. I don't know how others do it before the deadlines?

I just hope I can get them done before Laura goes in to labor...
:)

chattypatra said...

Taxes? Hum...that's the form I'm supposed to fill out so I can get a check back from the government, right? I better go file mine, then!

Yeah...I used to be the file your taxes immediately type. Then I moved here and...now I'm not.

You are not alone, Amy!

akshaye said...

Heck.. you need a boost I'll give you one. You know why the post office is open late on April 15th? Coz of bozos like me who dont bother to start until 5pm!

Katherine said...

We mailed our stuff in to be processed on Thursday, overnight. So not only are we out $16 for overnight postage but have to pay a CPA to do our taxes!

Loralei said...

You aren't alone. I'm sure my husband has to go on the big W-2 hunt all through the house.

Thanks for reminding me that we are out of junk food. I need some cream filled chocolate somethings! A quote from the sign in front of a local vet's office: My body is a temple where junk food is worshipped.

Emily Murdock said...

I'm pretty sure that if Uncle Sam owed me $100,000 I'd still wait until April 14th. Mostly because I'm trying to live IN the world but not OF the world. Procrastinating my taxes is next to godliness. I think that's how the saying goes.

Erin said...

Not a procrastinator here, so I wanted to pass on a little trinket of advice. You likely qualify to efile and even get direct deposit for free via the Intuit Tax Freedom Project: http://turbotax.intuit.com/taxfreedom/ Mine came lightning fast. And, to give you that extra boost, if you get yours turned in in time you'll get that added bonus check sometime after May. :) Have fun!

Erin

Jennifer said...

Allan and I are both in the slackers club!

Sarah said...

Taxes make me more scared than the latest slasher movie. I wake up in a cold sweat over my taxes. I think the little Statue of Liberty street sign waver guy on the street corner should be illegal. I got audited in college! COLLEGE! Who audits super poor college kids? Oh yeah, the IRS. Every April ages me. And no, mine aren't done yet.

Lindsey said...

Um, yeah, I haven't filed LAST years taxes. (Seriously) So, I have loaned the government money for an entire YEAR. That is right people. Get over it.

HotMommy said...

I called my hubby at work today and asked if he KNEW that taxes were due in 7 days. He claims he did.

Marathon Maritza said...

Haven't done mine either...I don't even know if I owe or am getting a refund or what.

Who has time to files taxes when there is so much tv to watch?

Bahston Beans said...

Aren't you pumped about the economic stimulus check?! I can't wait to spend it on something stupid! It's my patriotic duty.

Let_It_Go said...

I too have procrastinated on my taxes...but somehow I ended up having to pay $800 despite the fact that I am a medical student who only made $20K before taxes. I think Ima have to take a 2nd job as a call girl in order to pay it off.

Few ox said...

Mine are also not done, now in my defense I've given all of my stuff to my "accountant" and she has cashed our payment check, but she still hasn't finished our taxes. Maybe someone should light a fire under her butt now that I think about it!

J~Mom said...

We have them half done (filed federal not state). Does that count?

Mary said...

Bill does our taxes. He wears doing them at the last minute like a badge of honor and considers it a family tradition to make the 11:30 PM trip to the Post Office. At the 24-hour PO, cars line up and PO employees stand by the side of the road with their big canvas bags. You don't have to get out of the car and there is always a long line of cars, so you know you're in good company!

Laura said...

I used to be a college student whose mom did her taxes. This is my first year on my own, and thanks to the wonder that is business travel, I have to file in not one, not two, but FOUR states.

I'm waiting till this weekend.

Charlotte said...

due to the fact that i have never successfully filed my taxes without hours of frustrated crying, my hubby doesn't even mention the "T" word... he just takes care of it. Maybe you could procrastinate a little longer and manipulate Jared into doing it for you.

I wish I'd known about the "damn girl-jeans" credit... I sure could have used it.

Mindy said...

I JUST gathered my stuff together and sent it off to my accountant (hi Dad!). So, yeah, you're not the only one.

Sue said...

I'm a fellow slacker. I probably owe. We ALWAYS owe. GAH.

Sue said...

I'm a fellow slacker. I probably owe. We ALWAYS owe. GAH.

Brandon Harshe said...

I'm a procrastinator, too. I didn't do my taxes until February. Sheesh!

Annette said...

Hey Amy--I know you don't know me, I'm from Katy's Snowflake board, but I must say, I'm right there with ya in slackersville! My hubby said I have to get my stuff figured for him so he can sit down Saturday and get it all done. Good luck to you and I hope you don't feel so alone now! :)

Travis and Chandra said...

I hear ya! I just barely filed ours and we get almost 5 digit back this year! (Go law school and three kids!) I love your reasons. I kinda feel the same way. . .I mean, our govt does need some help, right? Why not give a little back?

Maraiya said...

At the risk of sounding naive and ignorant, if the IRS owes you money, is it all that necessary to file on time? Couldn't you just wait until, oh, summer? Maybe even next year? How much do they really want to hand all that money over to a private citizen?
But as for getting my own done, yup, weeks ago; money's almost all spent. I did manage to procrastinate until mid-Feb instead of filing Feb 1st as per usual.