When Men Grocery Shop

April 8, 2008

Several days ago, Jared took it upon himself to do our family's "major grocery shopping." You know the type, we needed everything from flour to milk to peanut butter M&Ms--the "basics" if you will. If you're a regular reader, you're well aware that we recently moved into a new house. Until last week, we had been doing a whole lot of painting and not a whole lot of living, so it's needless to say that we didn't have a single crumb to speak of. Jared, bless his tender soul, was anxious to stock the shelves.

Jared's grocery shopping extravaganza lasted a total of three days and required three separate trips to three different grocery stores. What can I say? The man has lofty standards and he searched high and low to painstakingly locate every single item on his mother-lovin' list. I don't care how many sausage-like products were purchased on my credit card account, that level of determination is commendable--always.

Speaking of sausage-like products, I'd like to provide you with a brief list of items that are currently housed in my cupboards:

1 Package of Pre-Cooked Bratwurst--Always a lady's favorite.
1lb of Sliced Salami
2 Tubes of Maple Flavored Breakfast Sausage
8 Ball Park Hot Dogs
1 Extra-Long Kielbasa--Are you beginning to sense the theme here?
2 Cans of Black-Eyed Peas--Well slap me on the ass and call me Bo Jangles, I done didn't realize we wur from the South!
20 cans of Coke
1 Tub of Coconut Oil--?
1 Big Bag of Apples--Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
4lb Bag of Peas
1 Jar of Organic Garlic--Every little bit counts, I suppose.
and last but certainly not least,
2 brown bananas

Why wouldn't I be in love with this man? I can barely wait to start cooking!

21 comments:

Jessica Schessler said...

He would get along great with my husband! If it were up to him we'd only eat meat, and preferably sausage. I'll just chalk it up to the German in him!

Bahston Beans said...

Were the bananas on that discount food shelf? I'm always tempted to by some dented items. A little mold never hurt anyone.

Topher said...

When/If we ever buy our three boys a real dog (they don't buy it when we tell the to IMAGINE they have a dog), we're naming him Mr. Bo Jangles, even if it's a girl dog. We've had that name picked out since we were newlyweds.

Sarah said...

Lol.... love the complete lack of vegetables, of course with the exception of frozen peas... yum!

And that is a lot of sausage...

audgepodge said...

That's hilarious! I know my mom refuses to grocery shop with my dad since he has a tendency to stock up on canned food items like sardines and stuff. Men are funny - what else is new?

Vanilla said...

Love it. I was banned from grocery shopping a number of years ago when I was asked to go out and buy milk for our cereal on a Saturday morning. I came back with donuts, pop tarts, bacon and chocolate milk. To my credit I did also buy regular milk.

Jess said...

My husband is actually much better at grocery shopping than I, so I can't poke fun of him here. However, what I do feel compelled to point out here is that all these sausage products seem more like subliminal messages than dinner possibilities. Does Jared need some luh-vin? Or is it some kind of compensation (*ahem* "extra long keilbasa)?

akshaye said...

Sounds like an inventory for a concession stand at Yankee Stadium!

Brad and Rebecca said...

oh that's a killer! So, what's for dinner tonight?

Brianna said...

It took 3 different stores to accumulate those items? Wow! :) Good luck finding a recipe that covers those ingredients.

Grandma said...

ooh Jared-too many meat products! I'm w/ Vanilla-poptarts it is!!!

Cheryl said...

I'm sensing some sausage envy issues!

Better leave Jared home to babysit through the window next time, while you go out and get some real food. You know, like cheetos.

Patti said...

What does one do with a tub of coconut oil? Fry the salted, cured meats?! At least you'll know why your cholesterol and blood pressure levels are up!

Rob & Katy said...

Rob buys toys... for himself. I think he's the one person in the world that visits the grocery toy aisle.

chattypatra said...

Wow! Guess I'm really lucky that my father is great at grocery shopping. My mother trained him well!

That said...coconut oil? lol

carla said...

sadly Id KILL for my Renaissance Man to mapquest the place and go inside...

M.

Michemily said...

Tell Jessica Schessler that unless her husband as Bavarian German blood in him, most American men could probably win in the meat contest. I mean, we have meat lovers pizza, that tells you all you need to know.

Charlotte said...

Too funny, Amy. tHanks for sharing.

Mindy said...

No peanut butter m&m's???? WHAT are you going to EAT?!

P.O.M. said...

All very gaseous/gassy foods too. This could lead to some funny fart stories.
Ahhhhhhhhh... a girl can dream, right?

Lainey-Paney said...

ahhh...the important things in a diet....meat, meat, & more meat!
But hey---you're right: he did the grocery shopping!