Chain Reaction

June 20, 2008

Last Friday night, I took James swimming at the lake. When we arrived home he staunchly refused to change out of his damp Spider Man swim trunks--which I could totally understand, because they really are radtastic. Being the lazy mother that I am, I didn't feel like chasing James around and around and around, so I decided to forget about the swimsuit and resume the battle at pajama time.

'After all, what's a little bit of lake water going to hurt?' I reasoned.

Well, lake water in and of itself isn't going to hurt anything. But lake water, combined with a runny poop, mashed into a high-end sofa? That's surely going to hurt something. Like my spirit.

Apparently, James had an accident in his britches and didn't want me to know about it--hence the refusal to change his shorts. He sat on the couch, acting as though nothing had happened, all the while letting watery poo soak into the fibers of my furniture.

It took one Rug Doctor, and three bottles of cleaning solution to remediate the very smelly mess. And since we had the Rug Doctor for 24-hours, we decided to steam-clean every steam-cleanable surface in our home: the couch, the chair, the futon, the rug in the den, and the carpet in the living room.

With the exception of my husband's frequent and severe gas, it totally smells like a hotel in here.

I've been loving the freshness of my home this week.

Well, I had been loving the freshness of my home until I caught James taking a whiz on the living room carpet last night.

I scooped him up mid-tinkle, rushed him to the bathroom, whipped down his pants, and intended to put him on the potty--but that last, highly crucial step was made impossible. When I whipped down his pants, you see, a giant poo rolled down the leg of his shorts, bounced off my shin, and landed right on the top of my foot.

I was like, "OH!" and "NO!" and "HAVE SOME MERCY!"

And James, my sweet little level-headed James, said, "It's otay Mom. I hewp you cween dis up."

And help he did. Before I knew it, James had picked up the messy underpants, plopped them into the toilet, and flushed them away to the municipal sewer system.

I stood there. Speechless. Jaw hanging. Imagining the plumber's invoice.

James on the other hand, offered me a very happy smile. His shoulders were scrunched up around his chin and he bobbed back and forth from his heels to his tip-toes.

"Mom," he shyly muttered, "I hewped. I fwushed my Sponch Bob undawoos down the toy-wet!"

I watched in silence as his smile faded, his lips began to quiver, and tears suddenly spurted from his eyes.

"I fwushed my Sponch Bob undawoos and I well not see dem again. Oh Mom....I AM SO SAD! I AM SO SO SAD....DAY ES GONE!!!!!!"

I was sad, too. Sad about the state of my plumbing system. Sad that there was a pile of poo sitting on my foot. Sad that there was a spot of pee on my fresh, clean carpet. And sad to see my kid so sad.
Well, thank goodness Target stays open until 10 o'clock, because now we have four brand new pair of Sponge Bob underpants to flush away.

20 comments:

The Roberts' Report said...

I feel your pain. The surprise poops are the worst! Let us know what the plumbing costs are!! ;)

Rob & Katy said...

aw man... just, aw man.
i'm keeping my kids in diapers until middle school.

Diana from Dallas said...

that is just priceless.
it makes me terrified of potty training - thanks

The 311 Boys Mom said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

I can't even talk........poop on your foot; ONLY AFTER bouncing off your shin!!!!


holy Mary mother of all that's good. . . .. I will be sharing this story with many; I only hope I can do it justice!!!!

I will say mine didn’t do that, but for 1 year, he'd sun upstairs, take off his pull-up or underwear, put ON a diaper, go in our food pantry & poop for 10 minutes. if it was pee he'd stay where he was. He'd then proceed to go back up stairs, un-do the diaper bellow for me & he'd have the wet wipe ready I'd clean him up & he'd grab is pull-up or underwear & put them & his pants back on.

when I asked him why not just go on the potty???

He simply & honestly said "I like to poop in my pants." & look at me like I was crazy for not knowing. The day of his 3rd Bday, when we got home from his party, he started to pee on the potty & has only had one accident (the night we got home from Disney). I asked him why he can poop on the potty now

“because I’m big now, I’m 3”.

I will say he gets 100% naked to poop (even in a public restroom), because he doesn’t want his clothes to smell.

akshaye said...

aw shucks! dont know whether to say poor kid or poor mom!

Lindsey said...

I am so, so, so, sorry. But, I bet he is glad he has you for a mom because I would have hung those underoos over that kids head for that accident and probably said something like, Well, YEAH? That is what happens to people who do BAD THINGS!! !:)

Brandon Harshe said...

Holy crap! That was funny. Your pain and misery really adds humor to my day.

Maybe if Jared used his deodorant more often, the stench of his gas might subside a little.

One time in church way back when Tatum was a baby, she was on January's lap and had a butt explosion that erupted out the back of her diaper onto January's white skirt. That was disgusting.

I just don't know if it compares to soggy poop on your couch or on your foot, though.

Heidi said...

You have the most awesome life.

It sounds just like mine.

Cheryl said...

Ah, the joys of toddlers and potty training!
Another "keeper" story for James's future girlfriends. :-)
Hilarious!

Mindy said...

Oh Amy, I'm laughing and feeling your pain all at the same time! Hilarious!

P.O.M. said...

If and when I ever have kids, I really wanted a boy. But after reading this... I'm leaning towards a girl. Not that we really have a choice in the matter.

Jess said...

Oh my god, that whole string of events was hilarious!

And I have a very funny story about flushing underpants down the toilet and having that come back to bite ya, but alas, it's lengthy and this isn't my blog.

Our Little World said...

That was hilarious! Thank you honey for sharing our poop story and it was a denim skirt, not white and it cleaned up just fine! That was gross though. Yesterday I pulled off Annabelle's diaper to put her in sink bath thinking it was just pee. I shortly discovered she had pooped when it fell onto the floor. That kind of stuff happens to me though b/c I'm always doing 50 things at once and careless. I'm sure my sweet hubby will agree!

Joy Through Cooking said...

omg... thank you. I was in dire need of some BIRTH CONTROL today... and I popped online and here it was! Much appreciated Amy (even though at your expense ;) )

Grandma said...

You'v had your share of poop lately!!

Kirsten said...

Hi Amy,
Ask Jen about the time Kaylie was like 2 and decided to finger paint with her poop all over her wall. It was during naptime so she had time to make a masterpiece!

Kirsten

Amy said...

Waaa! I've spent all morning explaining and demonstrating how great using the toilet is, only to have my son yell joyfully, "I like wet underwear!"

Heather said...

This is the most hysterical post! I love it. The poo on your shin. The poo on the couch. James putting 2 and 2 together moments too late. Hilarious!!

Jill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jill said...

I apologize, but I laughed out loud when he flushed the underwear. I thought my kids had flushed every object you could imagine down the toilet. They never flushed underwear.
BTW I know exactly how much it costs to have a plumber come in and remove the toilet to retrieve flushed items.
We're potty training now also. I feel your pain.