Monster Truck Dreams

July 23, 208

I've recently developed a new and overwhelming interest--driving over things.

I should actually say that I've recently rediscovered an old interest--because in the days before motherhood I drove over every damn thing in my mother-lovin' site. If you haven't already, you really should totally try it--gives you a whole new perspective on the world. And you don't need a 4x4 Blazer to do it, my Toyota station wagon works perfectly well.

I'm not totally sure, but I think this new hobby developed as a result of living in a house with a driveway. James loves to play in our driveway, and consequently it's littered with cups, bowls, plastic animals, bikes, Legos...everything.

I've been telling James for weeks that "if toys stay in the driveway, Mommy will run them over with her tires," and hot-damn, I wasn't lying. It started with a sippy cup. I wanted to see if I could aim the car well enough to squash it--I could. Then I moved onto a ball. I wanted to see if it would pop when I ran it over--it didn't. And then, it evolved into a large, rubber dinosaur. I wanted to trap him under my wheel so it looked like he was having an emergency--mission accomplished.

Rather than feeling sadness at the destruction of his toys, James found it to be completely awesome--and now we work as a team. James takes the time to set up obstacles for me to hit, and jumps up and down when I do it. I've come home to find strategically placed rolls of toilet paper, leftovers from the fridge, and my favorite sweater--which is precisely where I had to draw the line.

We've also moved on to bigger and better "drive-overs." We specialize in lawns, embankments, and when the winter rolls around I'm sure we'll do loads and loads of snowbanks. At work I've stopped pulling out of the paved entrance/exit, and upgraded to a lovely little strip of grass.

Last week, when I cautiously pulled out in front of a little convertible, the driver actually had the nerve to put down her cell phone and give me the finger. While I'm sure she wasn't expecting a car to pull out from between two pine trees, there was absolutely no need to flip me off--I totally used my blinker! Ho.

I guess I should mention that there really is no moral to this story, I'm simply suggesting a new activity to brighten up your day. Go ahead and jump a curb at lunchtime or something. You'll feel very, very powerful.