Summer Fun

July 30, 2008

I'm so unmotivated to blog these days--and I'm not totally sure on this, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that it's the summertime. The birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, and I spend several hours a day chasing a half-naked James up and down our street. The neighbors must love it. I'm like, "Hi Betty! Beautiful day today!........JAMES DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH BETTY'S HYDRANGEA WITH YOUR PENIS!.....Really Betty, your flowers are breathtaking."

See? I'm having too much fun to blog.

Speaking of fun, I've developed a new summertime hobby that is also absorbing a great deal of my time--fattoo watching. Unless you're a close family friend, you probably don't know what a fattoo is--after all, I made it up myself.

A quick Google search will tell you that a fattoo is a face tattoo, but let me tell you, Google is completely packed with shiz. When you're in a state like Maine, where there are precautionary signs at the State Fair urging you to "Eat Responsibly," then fattoo = fat + tattoo (but only if the owner is wearing a teeny-tiny string bikini)

Let's review the math:

FAT + TATTOO = FATTOO

Got it? Genius, I know.

We are lucky enough to live one tenth of a mile from the public beach, and we are doubly lucky because that place is a hotbed for teeny-bikinis and out-of-this-world fattoo artwork. As far as flamboyant body exposure goes, our little beach is really quite similar to muscle beach in California--but also very different. I would have to venture a guess that my beach has a few more cans of Pringles floating around.

So that's my new hobby, and that's where I've been spending the bulk of my time. And now it's official--I'm a horrible, horrible person.

11 comments:

deloosemoose said...

Just last week I saw a fattoo of Jesus at the Dollar General. It was on the meaty, meaty bicep of the shopper in front of me. It looked like Jesus had really shown no self control at the Last Supper.

Lindsey said...

We already knew that! But, don't worry, I would pull up a broken lawn chair and sit right next to you to watch the freak show parade...

Laura said...

Haven't really seen any fattoos that notable, but I heard of an urban legend (at least, it doesn't sound real) that would probably will qualify. It was that some woman got pregnant, had a tattoo of a fetus put on her belly, and as she grew, it grew. My question was always: what happens AFTER? Wouldn't it be gross?

V and Co. said...

okay seriously you are hysterical!

Grandma said...

Hey- you always said you liked my tatoo.

Vanilla said...

What you ought to do is take pictures of all the fattoos (awesome word BTW) and then post them on your blog, or even start a new one just dedicated to fattoos. I haven't checked, but I'd guess that fattoos.com is probably available.

Grandma said...

I missed the other T in tattoo.

Heather said...

AGreed! Start Fatoos.com!!! Just like mulletsgalore.com, only way better!

P.O.M. said...

We have mucho fattoo's on our Cali beaches as well. Trust me on this one. Every weekend there's a muffin top party smothered with fattoo icing.

Mel said...

Livejournal has a community completely dedicated to bad tattoos (many of them fattoos)

I take pics with my phone and post them I'm evil!

Jody said...

You may be horrible, but you are damn funny.