Silent Treatment, Shmilent Treatment

July 31, 2008

Every morning, when James wakes up, he likes to stand at the top of the stairs and scream some sort of news in my general direction.

Usually it's something like, "MOM! I EM AWAKE! ARE YOU SO HAPPY?!" or "I EM DONE SWEEPING FOR DA NIGHT. ARE YOU SO HAPPY?"

And I think to myself, "Am I happy? Well that goes without saying--because I've been sitting here, just hoping that someone would come into my kitchen and stick their entire fist into my bowl of Special K...and now my wish comes true!"

But really I say, "Of course I'm happy! Come on downstairs, buddy!"

This morning, however, our conversation was completely new and different. James stood at the top of the stairs and yelled, "MOM! MY ROOM ES NASTY!"

Let me stop and point out that when a person who regularly licks the soles of his shoes, takes one bath a week, and earns time-outs for touching the dog's rectum describes something as "nasty," you can very safely assume that you have a major issue on your hands.

"Why is your room nasty," I asked?

"PACUASE I POOPED AW ON DA BED, MOM! DER ES A WOT OF POOP ON DA BED!"

"That's okay, buddy," I calmly replied. "We'll wash it."

"BUT MOM! WE CANNOT FIT DA BED INTO DA WASHEN MACHINE!"

You know what? My three-year-old son was absolutely right--his twin size bed is far too large for the barrel of my Kenmore. Since I was no longer sure how to handle the problem, I tiptoed back into my own bedroom, shook my husband awake and said, "Hey babe...James is asking for you. He only wants you."

13 comments:

Rhien Family said...

Seriously funny business.

-James is awesome.

Jill said...

Yesterday I sent my newly kinda-potty-trained-kinda-not-potty-trained kid to his father to clean out the poopy mess in his Lightning McQueen underwear.

Think of it as male bonding.

heather of the EO said...

oh, how I love your poop stories.

Laura said...

My normal tactic is to grab the kid and yell at hubs that they pooped/puked/whatever and I'm throwing them in the tub, while he comes behind me and cleans the actual mess. That way I can lounge while they play and he can be scrubbing. 9 years and 4 kids later and he still hasn't figured it out. HeeHee

Hilary said...

That's my kind of mothering for sure. :)

Mindy said...

OH how I wish I could pull that on my husband! He claims that poop and puke make him throw up and he can't possibly do it. Wuss.

Amy said...

My life has been very poopy lately. In a sick way it's sort of stopped being gross. Just one more mess to clean up.

Brandon Harshe said...

Holy moly! I don't care who you are, that was funny!

jkrunning said...

That is hilarious. I heart James.

Grandma said...

ooh dat es nasrty!

Mel said...

Oh I am so looking forward to this stage. Thanks for making it so glamorous sounding :D

Maraiya said...

Classic. Isn't that the whole point of being married? You have someone to sacrifice to the cannibals before your self!

P.O.M. said...

So funny. If and when I ever become a mom, I am so taking my cues from you :)