September 15, 2008
Everywhere I turn, people are blogging about this Sarah Palin character. Have you heard of her?
Just kidding. Of course you have.
And everywhere I turn, people are asking for my opinion about her, too. If you've been a reader of my blog since the primary, then you know full well that I'm not about to divulge my thoughts about this Vice Presidential candidate publicly.
I like to keep my political opinions personal. So personal in fact, that just last week, in a strange moment of weakness, I told my husband which candidate I'll be voting for in November. But seriously, don't bother trying to get it out of him. Jared is completely sworn to secrecy, and knows full well that if he spills my political beans I'll write a detailed account of the time he was delivered to church by a state trooper, sporting a pair of handcuffs. Or the time he sharted in his pants while taking some lady's order at a restaurant.
So, while I'm not willing to discuss my own thoughts and feelings about Sarah P., I'll gladly let you in on my husband's.
To put it lightly, Jared wants to make out with Sarah Palin--a lot. Believe it or not, she has nudged Jennifer Anniston out of the #1 spot on this "People I'd Make Out With Even Though I'm Married List."
I'm like, "Jared. Please don't forget that she's 44. That kind of makes me feel bad about myself."
And he's like, "Amy, please don't forget that when I hear a woman utter the phrase 'free market' I get so twitterpated I forget which way is up."
You see, to a man like mine, nothing says sexy like a moose-huntin' Republican female with a lifelong membership to the NRA. Unfortunately I'm just a cupcake-lovin' swing vote with a lifelong membership to the children's museum.
But I might join the NRA--you know, just to spice things up a bit.
Last night, in a moment of envy, I said to my husband, "Jared. If Hillary had the same political ideals as Sarah, would you automatically think that cankles* were mad sexy?"
And he replied, "Probably."
So I asked, "If I gained 200 pounds and changed my facebook profile to say that I'm 'very conservative' would you still think I'm mad sexy?"
And he said, "Yes."
And so it goes--life with a man like mine.
Pass the nacho chips.
*Cankle noun; the meeting of the calf and the foot where an ankle is not present due to lack of ankle definition.
Thank you Urban Dictionary.