Update

September 25, 2008

I won't lie. The last couple of days have been horrible. Physically, I feel like I've been hit by a bike, or a scooter, or a Prius traveling at a very low speed. But emotionally? Emotionally, it kind of feels like I've been run down by an 18-wheeler with two trailers that was traveling over the speed limit.

In other words--it hurts. Badly.

But I will say that my readers are very tricky--and very, very kind. Even though I turned off the comments on Tuesday's post, you still managed to find me. I've received several hundred emails, dozens of Facebook messages, and a handful of comments on my "Mother of the Year" post.

Apparently I have people who care about me all over this planet, and I won't lie, it feels nice. So thank you, thank you, thank you for tracking me down. Your words, thoughts, prayers and personal experiences all mean a lot to me.

A lot of you, including Vanilla, let me know that if I need anything at all, I shouldn't hesitate to ask. Well, I do need something. I'm completely out of toilet paper, and I really don't feel up to going to the store. So Vanilla, buddy, if you could overnight mail me an eight-pack of one-ply toilet tissue, it would certainly lighten my burden.

Thanks in advance.

And in case you're curious, James handled the news really well. I bought him a bag of chips, sat him down on a park bench and said, "Buddy? Do you remember the baby that was in Mommy's belly?"

He nodded.

"Well," I continued, "the baby came out of Mommy's belly and went straight to live with Jesus."

James thought for a moment, and I watched an imaginative smile spread across his chubby little face. "Oh yeah," he said with all the confidence in the world. "That baby just crawled, and crawled, and crawled, and crawled to Jesus!"

He said it with all of the enthusiasm and enunciation of an evangelical preacher. It was really cute, and seriously--how could I not crack a smile at that one?

So thanks again for the thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot right now.

And just so you know, I think I'm going to be okay.

I think.

37 comments:

jjstringham said...

You'll be ok. I know you will. It'll just take some time. Here's to hoping it doesn't take a long, long time. Because what you've been through is totally sucky. And I'm really sorry it happened to you and your family.

Heather of the EO said...

Oh that little boy of yours is pretty dang amazing lady. Wow. I love love love what he said.

Having him around will bring lots of okay.

I need to go crawl and crawl and crawl to the kleenex box now.

Peace,
Heather

Joy Through Cooking said...

More hugs coming your way Amy.

What a great kid James sounds like! I wish I lived closer to help you out :(

Jessica said...

oh amy, i just checked in with your blog after not reading it for awhile... how devastating. i am thinking of you and sending you and jared and little james lots of love. i wish i could give you a big big hug. i'm so sorry, amy.

love,
jess

Luke and Katie said...

Our prayers are with you right now. You have an amazing little boy and he is so funny! What a wonderful blessing to have him in your life. Things will be ok!

Vanilla said...

You forgot to include your shipping address.

Seriously, you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

Sarah said...

Amy - My heart is with you - and I'd like to say, I'd spring for some TP! You deserve more than one ply....I'll get you the top of the line super soft and cushy stuff. Just say the word :)

Sue said...

What a sweet boy. I'm so very sorry Amy. You and your family are in my prayers, I really mean that.

And if I knew your address, I would send you scads and scads of toilet paper. :>

Ellis Family said...

Ok - one of those "blog stalkers" here. But I just wanted to say you're in our family prayers. Things like this are heart-breaking, but hopefully you can find comfort, peace and solace in the gospel, eternal families, friends (and strangers) who love and care for you, and the joy of your sweet little James.

Good luck.

Smoochiefrog said...

Aw sweetie, ((((HUGS))))

BTDT

My faith in God was what got me through it.

Holler if you need anything.

Katy said...

I'll work my extrabucks to get you the cushiony cottenelle. I'll send it up with Mom. :)

Mrs Furious said...

Tell James I know a certain 5 year old he might like to hang with ;)

Still thinking of you (but when am I not?!)

nevadanista said...

(((((hugs)))))

and prayers...

Laura said...

I didn't stalk you, but I do wish you the best! I'm sorry for your loss.

jackie said...

I cried with you when I read your sad news. I am another one who really, really cares!
Blessings to you and Jared and James!
hugs,
jackie

Charlotte said...

I wasn't sneaky, but I was thinking about you.

That's really totally crummy. I wish I had something more helpful to say, but I don't. It hurts, and it sucks, and sooner or later you will be okay again. But until then it pretty much just sucks.

James is totally cool, by the way. I'm glad he took it okay.

You're in our prayers. (Hugs)

J~Mom said...

Thinking of you Amy!!

Katy said...

see you soon Amy...Love,Mom

Marathon Maritza said...

Lots of hugs from a total stranger who was touched by your last post.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this...it just plain, ol' sucks.

Danse said...

Aww, I'm tearing up at James' response.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Cheryl said...

James' take on it is so cute!

We're sending more hugs, love, and prayers your way.

And... I bet if you posted your mailing address you'd get a MOUNTAIN of toilet paper. :-)

Bahston Beans said...

Love you tons!

Mel said...

I told your sister if you needed anything I would get it to you, even toilet paper. I'm serious too. Katy knows when I say something I mean it. So get me your address and I'll be mailing TP tomorrow (I don't know what you'll do today though, go in the woods ;p)

Tons of hugs, thoughts and prayers coming your way.

-Mel

Emily Murdock said...

I am crying for you, Amy. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one shedding tears.

James knows way more about this than the rest of us. What an in-tune little dude.

And just so you know, you are a great mommy. The way you explained it to James was beautiful.

May the windows of Heaven be opened and rain down blessings on your sweet family.

Michemily said...

:)

loralei said...

Amy- I'm so very sorry for your loss. From what I've read of your blog, you are nothing but a GREAT mom, and James' response to your news just illustrates that fact. May time and your faith help to ease your sorrow.

And hold out for some quality heiney wipe...I know there's the whole "reduce your carbon footprint" thing, but c'mon...this is your ( | ) we are talking about!

Melissa Bastow said...

It's cool that your son is evangelical preacher-ish. It's even cooler that he's right. Well, maybe not about the actual crawling, but you know what I mean.

Hang in there. I wish I could offer better comforting words, or say something like, "I know how you feel..." But I don't know how you feel, but I can imagine that it feels beyond horrible.

Also, if you list your address, you will probably receive about 5, 643,081 packages of toilet paper.

littlebee said...

I'm dropping off a pie tomorrow. I'll bring various household items with me, too.

Let me know when you can run again and we'll go. I got new running shoes tonight that I have to put to the test.

Annette said...

Oh, what a sweet boy James is. The philosophy of kids astounds me! I'm so sorry Amy. You may not remember me, I'm on of Katy's snowflake buddies from IVillage. I love to follow your blog. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet baby boy. (((HUGS))) to you and your whole family.

Annette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Awkward Turtle said...

Amy,

We don't know each other, but I read your blog every day. You have a great spirit and a wonderful sense of storytelling that always gives me a smile or an outright laugh. Your post earlier this week brought tears to my eyes. Here I am, a grown man, crying at work for a family I don't even know. God has a plan for each of us, known only to him for now. You touch a lot of people without even knowing. My heart goes out to you and Jared. Your family is in my prayers.

riceagain said...

You are such a good example to your sweet boy of how to feel all that stuff, and still recover. I am so glad you all have one another. Lots of love and wishes for healing from CT (I'm Micah C.'s friend).

glitterangel said...

Oh Amy I was so sad to hear your news. You're in my prayers and I'm pleased to hear that James was so damm cute as usual. Hugs Sharon x

Mrs.M said...

((hugs)) I'm so sorry for your loss, Amy.
What James said brought tears to my eyes. He is a sweetheart.

Krystle said...

Many hugs Amy. You've been in my thoughts and prayers since I heard the news. James is one amazing little boy and so adorably cute. I'm glad he took the news well.

Krystle (Katy's boardie friend)

Sarah said...

Oh Aim, I've not been on the internet until today. Jason told me a few days ago because Jared told him over the phone. I just read your post and am in tears. I'm so sorry and I am surely praying for you!

Sarah said...

I read your blog regularly and I love it - it is so funny and upbeat and all around entertaining.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and will keep you and your family in my prayers.