Me and My Treadmill

November 13, 2008

This one goes out to Mindy--a reader who's been with me from the very beginning.

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Yes, I'm still running--lots of three milers, a couple of six milers, and when I'm really feeling like a sex kitten I'll throw a ten miler into the mix. I'm not training for anything in particular right now, but maybe soon. Who knows?

Here are a few running points-of-interest for the three of you who like this topic:

1. Next Tuesday I'll be recording my very first running podcast. Yes, that's right--you'll be able to download my voice onto your iPod.

This makes me terribly nervous for a few reasons. First, I have a really high-pitched voice. When I talk, it honestly sounds 100% normal--but when I hear my voice on an answering machine I simply want to run away in terror, not screaming (why should I embarrass myself even more, ya know?). Second, I'm really not sure if I'm funny on the fly. Sure I can throw around a few good one-liners at a social event...but only if it's a party full of ugly people, or a frumpy parade, or a Weight Watchers meeting. Catch my drift????

So I'll keep you posted on the podcast details....and I don't want to give away too much, but here's a hint: one of the other participants is rumored to have a raging case of B.O. from a three mile jaunt in a monkey suit.

2. I'm going to look at a secondhand treadmill this weekend. Like most treadmills on planet Earth, this one has only been used twice. I found it on Craigslist, it's right here in town, and it really is an excellent deal.

Here's the catch--it's very important that I try it before I buy it. Now you may or may not remember this, but I run like an absolute fool. My stride has gotten much worse over the course of the last year and now both legs do that dreaded kick-out thing. So basically, when I run it looks like I'm trying to a) kick myself in the bum, b) play an imaginary violin, and c) clean my nose out with my tongue. All at the very same time.

I only run in the dark these days.

I live in a very small town, and I'm bound to see this woman (the woman who's selling the treadmill) again. Good heavens, we both have toddlers in the same age range--I'm sure I'll let her down on an elementary school committee someday. She'll come to dislike me eventually, so why should I give her any talking points ahead of time?

I can see it now...

HER: She forgot to bring the brownies! And...and...SHE RUNS LIKE A MONKEY ON DRUGS!

ME: Well she only used her treadmill twice and she still has a nicer body than me...SHE MUST BE ON DRUGS!

Definitely not a pretty picture. So seriously, is it appropriate to ask for some privacy while I try this thing out?

And that's all I've got, the podcast and the treadmill. Stay tuned...