November 14, 2008
I'm pretty sure that I do something regrettable every single day. It comes as a result of being overly sensitive, overly dramatic, and overly guilt-ridden all at the very same time. Well, yesterday I raised the bar by doing something that can only be classified as highly regrettable.
Last night Jared threw one heck of a Grand Opening party in his office. The food was excellent, more than thirty people attended (including the Mayor), and the conversation was free and easy for everyone. Overall, I'd call it a smashing success.
About halfway through the festivities, I stepped outside to encourage the hairdresser from next door to come and get some food. But as I took one step into the hallway, I was confronted--face to face--with a smiling set of Mormon Missionaries. Such nice young men.
"Hi Sister Lawson," they exclaimed in unison!
To which I replied (in a snitchy little tone), "Holy cow, the missionaries?! Who invited you guys?!"
"Brother Lawson did. We're his patients. Do you think we should leave?"
"YES!....uh, no. Don't leave. It's just that Mormon Missionaries sometimes have the ability to bring a non-Mormon party to a very screeching halt."
"Really Sister Lawson, we can leave," they replied.
"No...don't go," I hesitated. "But can you take your tags off? Pretend to be a normal person for like one hour?"
"No. We can't."
"Well can you hold your plates up to block them," I demanded?
"Well fine, go ahead. Just don't proselyte, okay?"
"No guys, I'm serious. If I so much as hear a whisper of a word like 'Repentance' or 'Heaven' or 'Baptize,' I'm gonna kill you. Both of you."
And off they went.
Hoo boy. Not really keeping in line with the whole "love thy neighbor as thyself" thing. I'm sure they're used to death threats from angry homeowners with junkyard dogs and KEEP OUT signs, but from Sunbeam teachers? Probably not.
And that my friends, is my regrettable moment for November 13, 2008.
Perhaps tonight I will invite them over for family prayer, and when they knock I'll whip open the door, yell WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, then slam it and deadbolt it before they even have the chance to respond.
I bet it wouldn't surprise them one bit.
Are there any former missionaries out there? If so, how do I patch this one up? Cookies? Contacts? Money?
I'm can be such a butt head. Such a raging butt head.