To Hell in a Handbasket....

November 5, 2008

No, no. I'm just kidding. Seriously, that was a joke. And I don't care who you are, Ronald and Nancy seemed like such a nice couple, didn't they?

I've been careful not to reveal my political preference on this blog, but today I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm a registered Independent.

And it's not because I'm an indecisive weenie. If you want to know the whole truth, I feel uncomfortable affiliating myself with any group or party that almost never functions in accordance with its ideals--government, social, religious or otherwise. Again, that was not a slam--it's just the truth.

So I'm an independent--who leans a certain way.

Honestly, I have no idea why my feelings on global warming should be directly connected to the way I feel about abortion or the war. And seriously now, how is gay marriage related to the financial policy? It makes no sense to me, and I just don't feel like adjusting any of my views to lay nicely against a set of party lines, ya know?

So you want to know who I voted for? Well, tough luck. But I will say this: I have a great deal of hope in Barack Obama. I think he's a good man, who's brave enough to want to lead this nation, and I have a feeling that he kicked my trash on the SATs. I owe him nothing but my respect and support, and you bet your bottom dollar that I'll keep hoping for the best.

I would also like to discuss the fact that Obama is the hottest President we'll have since JFK. Barack is totally smokin', he looks like a million bucks in an expensive pair of trousers, and if I had to wager a guess--I bet he wears some nice cologne.

I'm thrilled to have a President who appears to work out, and sincerely hope that he uses his authority to change the traditional American handshake into the traditional American ass-slap. And then I hope I get to meet him.

Seriously folks, you could bounce a quarter off of that backside. I've played in over and over and over in my imagination, and it works every single time.

I'll miss the McCain/Palin duo, seriously, and wish them nothing but the best. I hope Palin has all the time in the world to snuggle her little baby and her soon-to-be grandbaby. I also hope she'll work hard to maintain her zillion percent approval rating in Alaska--because that's pretty extraordinary. I think I have a six percent approval rating in my job.

And McCain? Well, I just hope the man retires, buys a helluva nice place on the ocean, and drinks liquor out of coconuts. He's an honorable man who's served our nation in the ways that count, and back in the day, he had quite the set of buns as well.

12 comments:

Michemily said...

You did a swell job of explaining why I'm an independent. I have the same hopes for the new presidency. I wonder if there will ever be a day that we will all stand behind our president. I can already imagine unhappy voters three years from now complaining about how they never wanted the guy in the first place and making stupid calendars with embarrassing candid moments. Sigh. He's in. And really, no matter who won, we should agree to support our president and work together for a better union. Wow. That sounded like a speech. Happy November 5th! I'm glad it's all over!

audgepodge said...

This is so funny - probably the most entertaining post-election commentary on Obama I'll ever read. :)

And I'm an independent as well for the same reasons...

Motherboard said...

Ditto. Everything you said. You said it better than I could. I'm just glad its Nov 5th and we can finally have something else on the tube...

akshaye said...

Well said. I always felt that this election had two great guys fighting it out. Why cant everyone be an independent!

joolee said...

I was thinking the exact same thing about Obama last night as I was trying really hard not to get goose bumps during his speech. Women (maybe even Oprah) will be throwing themselves at the man. Hopefully his fashion impaired wife in her dress of fire will be able to handle the competition. (I DO mean that in the nicest way) The man with the butt of steal didn't get my vote, but I have decided to be hopeful about the future and my chances of greeting the big man with a friendly booty smack. Funny post.....even without the word crack:)

Marie said...

Well played out my dear. I have never thought that being declared as a Independent meant that you were a wash-out who couldn't decide. I thought of it being more along the lines of one who knew what he/she stood for and couldn't will sound mind and conscience affiliate him/herself with the other political parties. Amen sister friend!

And don't you work for your husband...and you only have 6% approval rating...that sucks!

mymomgenes said...

Another Indy here. I adored this post, and the fantasy quarter bounce made me giggle. Twice.

And I wish McCain a ton of coconut drinks - he has definitely earned them.

katieo said...

registered Independent as well. But I'm definitely an indecisive weenie.

Holly said...

Woo! Count me (and my husband) among your fellow Mormon Independents.
Like you, I look at the platforms of the various parties and see a hodge-podge.
I think,"How in tarnation did these issues get put together? Did they throw all the issues behind a pinned up sheet at someone's birthday party (Lincoln's?) and let the parties fish for them with a string and clothespin?"
Anyway, great post.

Long live Queen Amy!

Julianne said...

He does have a nice backside doesn't he? ;)

Nice post.

b. said...

I love this post...
I'm a new fan.
You're funny!

turtle said...

thank you for having faith in our country and the people in it [us!]. i feel utterly alone these days in little ol' college station, texas.