Election Day

November 4, 2008

I love election day. In fact, I love election day so much that I sincerely wish I could make out with it. If only there was a way....

There's just something about the lines, and the booths, and the decrepit old people collecting my ballot that makes me want to raise myself up a flagpole and belt out a couple of patriotic songs. Again, if only there was a way....

And not to mention how much I love writing in "Jared Lawson" as my candidate of choice for the United States Senate. Whenever I have a difficult time deciding between the mainstream candidates, I usually cast my vote in favor of my husband. What can I say? He's smart, he's sassy, and he photographs beautifully.

I also love petitions--and with the exception of something truly insane, like supporting a parent's right to tattoo a little baby's face, I'll support almost anything going on the ballot.

...You think it should be legal to ride two large turkeys to work? I can respect that. Let's take it to a vote. Where do I sign?

Like today for example--as I was leaving the Town Office, I was intercepted by a young man who was shabbily dressed in jeans and a ball cap that wafted the strong and distinct smell of marijuana. He staggered into my path and was like, "Excuuuuuse me ma'aaaaaaam. Can you sign my petition? Please? It's for medical marijuana."

And I was all, "It's just to get the question on the ballot, right? Signing this doesn't say I support medical marijuana, does it? Wait. Did we go to college together?"

I was right, signing my name simply expressed my desire to move the question this time next year. Fair enough. So I signed. Probably not the most Mormon thing to do. (Because everyone knows we prefer to mix pain pills with anti-depressants--and that my friends, is already legal.)

Just as I picked up the pen and began to sign--I shiz you not--my elderly neighbor walked by, and--wait for it--an older woman from church walked by. Excellent. Ex. cell. ent. I think they both gave me the hairy-eyeball.

That's how it works in tiny towns--lots of hairy eyeballs.

Just so you know, I have absolutely no opinion about medical marijuana. As long as sick people don't win the right to eat my cheezy-doodles without permission, I'll gladly stay out of the issue.

So Happy Election Day, everyone! Just remember: you can write-in my husband if you're undecided, be sure to look over your shoulder before you sign anything, and GO VOTE!--you'll totally lose your right to complain if you don't.

11 comments:

Laura said...

I haven't tried the pain pill/anti-depressant mixture, but this mormon gal sure loves her ADD drugs. Could not deal with four hoodlums without it! lol (But boy do I sure miss my margaritas.)

Vanilla said...

I'm totally going to put a grass roots campaign together for the next election to see how many bloggers I can get to write me in for Senator. I bet I could get dinner reservations much easier if I was Senator Ian instead of just plain ol' Ian.

Marie said...

I hate voting!

I've been waiting to see what fabulousness you came up with for your son's halloween costume this year...

Jen R. said...

ha ha I'm totally writing him in for the ones I have no clue about! I'm on my way to vote before I even eat lunch!

Cheryl said...

I love to vote! (That's for marie):-) Wish I'd read your blog before I voted today. I couldn't think of anyone to write in for the two offices with candidates who were running unopposed. Darn. Jared Lawson for county clerk of probate! ...or whatever it was.

Katy said...

I love Jared, but he's a little too conservative for me. :)

Heather of the EO said...

I love how you crack me up. Making out with an election...silly girl.

At least your desire to do so didn't get misplaced and land all over the high guy.

Can you imagine the hairy eyeballs if you accidentally started making out with him?

akshaye said...

Haha.. that sounds like a disastrous cocktail. So no plugging for either candidate? They sure could use a Lawson endorsement!

chattypatra said...

Ah...pain pills + anti-depressants! The only thing better than that is the pain pills + muscle relaxant combo or the Maximum Strength PAMPRIN + lots of moaning one, which I have been doing all day long. I tell you, is the only thing keeping me from murdering someone today!

Congratulations on earning the right to complain about our government. I'm glad I voted on Friday because there is no way in heck I could have done it today, not with this pain that makes me want to tear my ovaries out!

Maybe I should try some medical marijuana? That would be Kosher, right?

Rhien Family said...

you want to make out with the election- cracking me up over here.

Grandma said...

was there a bake sale? :)