My husband is one of those guys with a really crappy driving record. He tends to rear-end people while he's digging through the center console for chapstick, sometimes he forgets to wear his seat belt as he passes a cop car, and of course there was the time he was hauled to church in a set of handcuffs for criminal speeding.
Criminal speeding in Jared's case was defined as traveling 98 miles per hour in a 65 mile per hour zone. What can I say? That police officer must have had eyes like frikkin' laser beams to notice a minor infraction like that one. (Can you sense the sarcasm there?)
In case you're curious, the punishment for criminal speeding isn't so bad--a court date, a huge fine, temporary loss of driving privileges, and a hike in insurance rates. Oh, and I almost forgot, on employment applications, Jared has to check that pesky little box that says "I've been arrested for something other than a minor traffic violation. Really, I'm that awesome."
Like I said, not a big deal.
Today happens to be my birthday, so Jared decided to keep his afternoon free-of-patients and duck out of work early. Then he decided to drive 43 in a 25. Then he decided to call me and say, "Man Amy, I just got a speeding ticket for 185 bucks."
Apparently Jared didn't even show the officer his boobs to try and get out of his fine. And trust me, he's got some super cute little nipples.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep this man around. Sometimes I wonder.
Oh who am I kidding? I keep the guy around for his boobies.