Grown Up Fun

January 23, 2009

Now that I'm a firm 28 years old, and decidedly past my quarter-life crisis, there are so many things that I completely love about being a grown-up.

For example, one of my closest childhood friends is a dentist right here in Maine. She and her also-a-dentist husband own their own practice and bring home approximately four gazillion dollars a month. They live in an enormous old house with secret rooms and maids'-quarters, and honestly, it's nothing short of radical.

Trust me, there are some raging games of hide n' seek going on in that house--after the kids are sleeping, of course. Now don't you worry about the children feeling left out--they're not coordinated enough to wear the moon shoes anyway.

Much like me, this friend absolutely stinks at managing the responsibility of a cell phone--drops it, kicks it, accidentally wipes with it--you know, the works. So it's almost impossible to get hold of one another--which stinks when you all of the sudden come up with the best idea in the history world.

And last week I did.

So I said, "Screw the cell phone! I'm a grown-up! I'm calling Meghan at work!"

This is how it went down...

RECEPTIONIST: Hello! This is the dentist office! Can I help you?
ME: Yes. This is Amy calling from Dr. Lawson's office. I need to speak with Dr. Baker and it's urgent.
RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry but Dr. Baker is with a patient, can I take a message?
ME: I said it was urgent.
RECEPTIONIST: Can I put you through to the office manager?
ME: (in an exasperated tone) Fiiiiiine.

So the office manager, who also happens to be Dr. Baker's brother, picks up the line...

OFFICE MANAGER: Hello! This is Brandon!
ME: Bran, it's Amy, your receptionist sucks. I seriously need to talk to your sister right now. Are you dating anyone yet?
OFFICE MANAGER: No, not dating anyone. Hold on.

And then I finally, finally got to speak with the woman in charge...

MEGHAN: Hello, this is Dr. Baker.
ME: Go stand in your supply closet.
MEGHAN: Okay, I'm in.
ME: What's up biiiiiiitch?!
MEGHAN: Oh, not much. You know, doing a root canal biiiiiitch!
ME: So I had this idea. You should come to my house this weekend and pay for my lunch.
MEGHAN: Only if we can take the kids to WalMart and get their pictures taken with the most hideous backgrounds ever.
ME: Only if we leave food on their faces and dress 'em up ugly and make sure they're completely overtired.

Told you it was important.

Things like this make me love being a full fledged grown-up. Back when I was still 23, still struggling with who I was and what I wanted to do with my life, I never would have dreamed of steppeing out of a meeting to text my husband that: WE NEED OLIVES FROM THE STORE. U R HOT. But now that I'm an adult there's simply no question--when you need pizza toppings, you need pizza toppings...even if it is during the middle of an Executive Committee meeting.

I'm no longer intimidated by adults--turns out they're all just as broke and amused by potty humor as I am.

And if they're not? I'll just call them at the office and make fun of 'em for it.

I love being a grown-up.


Jes said...

That is too funny! I hope you follow through and then post the Wal-Mart pics!

Xenia said...

Love the phone conversation. Me and my best friend do that all the time, except she calls me in England from her work place in NYC. It's how she sticks it to The Man. :)

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Man, I hope you got that receptionist fired! I can't believe she didn't put you through! What is she - like a total 23-year-old or something?


(The receptionist, not you, Amy. I'd NEVER call you that ... that you know of ...)

Jen R. said...

I can't wait till I grow up :) It sounds like so much! I'm still a lowly 22 year old.

Jen R. said...

I can't wait till I grow up :) It sounds like so much! I'm still a lowly 22 year old.

Michemily said...

"Doing a root canal . . ." Ha ha.

Amber Ayres said...

definately do the walmart pics!

Amy you seriously need to talk to a publisher! Your blog is the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. It would make a great book. Better than than Twilight! And they could make it into a movie too, well maybe a make for tv movie, but it would be great!

MarionR said...

Tooo funny!
And yes, I too do this with friends, several of which I've had since childhood.

My neighbor .. a police officer with whom I grew up .. similarly does this: calls (texts, sends photos, etc.) with stupid stuff, just because.

One day while teaching (science courses to grad students; I'm also an RN/soon-to-be certified NP), I received an "urgent" text, stating "questions on possible hypothermia, info to follow", then a picture of a german shephard police dog in a doggie polar fleece coat and ear muffs appeared in my in box, along with the question "My nose is cold .. is this normal?"

Ah, friends, the great stress buster!

SassyPixie said...

You are hilarious! Just read your post from the 'Something Cleverish' and have been giggling all day because of it! Thanks for making my day!

Grandma said...

tell M to watch for telephone poles as she pulls into driveways:)/please be sure the kids have partially worn-off kiddie tatoos on their forearms for the pictures.

Anonymous said...

i can't wait to be all grown up. LOVE your blog btw. Found you through something cleverish thought the story about the treadmill. PRICELESS. I am a committed stalker now. :D funny stuff right thurr...

btw my name is Shelby.. even tho my comment says it. HELLO!!!

jkrunning said...

thanks so much Amy, I got a trip to the gym this morning and a beer last night so I am feeling much better now.

We will be moving up to NH in May. I absolutely can not wait. The househunt has begun and I am already interviewing for nursing positions. Yikes!

I definately want to meet up at a race. That would be so much fun.

wendy said...

Chuckle---so dang funny. So, do they really like have TONS of money$$$ All my kids have the photo (not at Wal-Mart as they weren't around then, yes I AM that old...I am Waaaaay more grown up then you) Anyway, the cheesy back drops, terrible homemade cloths and mommy hair cuts. Jems they are!!!!!!! The receptionist "B" was just doing her job ---they are hired to specifically annoy people.

Rachel said...

I thought about you yesterday and hoped that it wasn't too hard. I'm sure you thought of the what-ifs, like all grieving moms do.

Gina Lee said...

I love being a grown up too... Sometimes in the middle of the night I say "I want Jack in the box" and I get in my car and I get me some.... I never could have done that when I was 17!

Gina Lee said...

Oh and that may or may not be the reason I'm still 30 pounds overweight!

Anonymous said...

Amy, thank you a million times over for leaving me a comment. I just cracked up reading you and cannot wait to waste my day reading your archives! xoxox

joolee said...

Amy, haven't commented in awhile, but was reminded of you when Beyonce came on the radio in my car earlier tonight. Just want you to know you're still my favorite. And if you're ever in the area, I would LOVE to get tacky pictures taken of our kids in hideous clothes, toothpaste and ravioli in their hair, and maybe even a full drooping diaper. That would be awesome!

joolee said...

what I meant to type was "a full drooping diaper exposing the crack of their a$$."

Our Little World said...

That was awesome! AWESOME! LOL!!!!!!

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